ximilialog | Feb Log

[Blue takes the help up, which ultimately sends the towel falling to his feet. he hesitates only because of the focus Yzak points at his chest, and he glimpses down briefly.]

I don't really...feel it. The discomfort is negligible. [compared to the ache of being on his feet, at least.

he steps out with Yzak's help, exchanging hold on his arm for the sink countertop, nodding at the robe behind him and slipping that on when it's handed over.]

Thank you, Yzak.

That's good, at least. [ That it isn't ailing him so much, bad as it looks. Even if, he thinks, it's a pain in the ass to take a shower with any sort of injury like that.

When he helps him to the sink, Yzak can't help but take note of the way the little drops of water drip off the ends of his hair. It's ... kind of cute, the way his hair looks like this. Maybe because it's so different than the fluffiness he's used to.

He's a little more used to a shower setting, having been in the military with a bunch of soldiers, so settles into a comfort after a moment. He does as asked and reaches for the robe (eyes up because he is a gentleman here) ]

You're welcome.

But really, it was good I came by! What would you have done if we didn't have these plans?

[Blue smiles tiredly, threading his arm through Yzak's for the assistance out of the washroom, slow and careful on those bare, skinny gams of his.

after a thoughtful hum:] Probably...ask Finn. Our mental link is strong, it wouldn't exert too much...

I thought about...just waiting a bit, but that seemed too much of a stretch...

[ As always, he lets Blue lead, whether he feels like setting himself down in the chair or his bed, enjoying the way his arm feels looped around his.

(also, he likes those skinny gams thank you very much)

Yzak sends him a sideglance.]

It probably would have been a stretch.

But, it's good to know you have an easy way to contact someone. Even if I wasn't planning on coming by, though ... you can always call me, too, if you can manage it. I would have come here now, even if it was only for this.

Thank you, Yzak...

[it's sincere, even if spoken lightly, as he's preoccupied with sitting down on his bed - not his first choice were he alone! but Yzak's here, to...more room.]

Adapting to...needing more help all the time... [he sighs, even as he wears a wan smile.] Soon my pride may not be able to stand it.

... obviously I don't feel it quite the way you do, but I wouldn't be able to stand something like that, either. [ When it comes to matters of pride being hurt, that's something Yzak empathizes with well. His is easily hurt. ] So I get that much.

[ And he wishes he could do more about it, rather than simply offer himself to lend the aid when needed. Every time that thought crosses his mind, it gets that much stronger. What he can offer, though, as he keeps his eyes on Blue as he takes a seat next to him... ]

I'm here, though. For whatever you need.

[Blue's expression softens, looking over at Yzak. his own hair's still damp, bangs sticking to his forehead and cheeks in places; the lack of fluff makes him look a bit more gaunt than he typically does.]

You're very good to me, you know. All this time spent... I appreciate it. [he reaches over to lay a hand atop one of Yzak's.]

[ And even though that hand is a bit chilled from the air hitting Blue's skin after that shower, the motion still sends a warmth straight to his heart. Being called good ... he doesn't hear terms like that thrown at him often. Not because he isn't, or doesn't think he at least tries, for the people he loves, but rather because circumstances just never call for it. He hears it in other ways, with thank yous and the people he surrounds himself with simply being kind to him. Yzak shoots a quick glance down to their hands, then back up into Blue's eyes. ]

I'm... returning what you give to me. [ He manages that, before his gaze falls to their hands again, feeling his heart speed up. ] Not out of any kind of obligation, though...! Just so that's clear!

It means the same to me.

[it's all in what language of affection is being spoken, isn't it? for Blue, it would be in words, leaving assurances to those who cannot innately perceive his heart. for Yzak, it seems more in deeds naturally, but these declarations are becoming more and more common - and bold, to Blue's delight.

even better is that language of touch, of physical connection; Blue has definitely found its great appeal here in this company.

Blue exhales with a gentle laugh in his breath, nodding.]

Very clear. Yes. [for now, at least. so long as he can perceive it...] Though, if there was something specific you wished to speak of...or do...you better say it now; all I really...want to do is kiss you.

[ And for all that those words tend to get the same, flustered reaction from him, Yzak likes to hear them. Because he wants to hear them, he's glad that Blue is heeding his request to speak to his feelings and thoughts since Yzak can't read them like he can. Not just terms of endearment, either. Matters of his pride, doubts and fears, those are all things he's come to realize he wants to know, too. Even if it's just to feel them with Blue so he doesn't have them alone, like he had told Yzak once about his own feelings.

...

He's finally realizing he's in this deeper than he cared to admit to himself. ]

... what else would I have to do...

[ He put this night aside just for him! Yzak mutters those words as Blue's own make his heart pound faster. He feels his face heat up as well, eyes still cast down at their hands.

After a couple of beats, he looks back to Blue, his free hand tentatively coming up to brush some of that dripping hair out of his face. Now all he really wants to do is kiss him. Though... ]

And, if there's something that I remember I want to say, I can always just do it like this.

[ Now he's just being a smartass. Because really, he can't think of anything to say anyway. ...he can't really think of much of anything period, aside from the way he's focusing on Blue's face as his hand brushes damp hair behind his ear, lingering there. ]

[perhaps Blue ought to be more apprehensive about being so magnetized to someone, but in his defense, aside from Finn, there are no others he has a much more bracing anchor point to; his instinctive need for connection, for an earnest exchange of thought and feeling...it makes it hard to avoid the pull of mutual attraction.

Yzak might be falling hard, but he isn't falling alone.

Blue's eyes close, smiling and tilting his head toward the hand.

amused:] That's right. I'll hear it. [he peeks one eye open.] You're less scared of that now, aren't you.

[no scoffing, because he's leaning in to give him a smooch.]

Scmmmph-

[ That smooch does get him to shut up. He does start to scowl crankily a bit at that remark, but when Blue leans in, the warmth of that kiss melts it away quickly enough.

Letting out a gentle exhale through his nose, Yzak's eyes drift shut, his hand sliding around until it rests at the back of Blue's head, fingers buried in his hair. He presses back into the kiss with the same enthusiasm he always has like this - it still feels like a bit of a thrill to do this at all, to feel this sort of attention coming from Blue, for him. (he lowkey wonders sometimes, why Blue likes him back the way he does, but that occasional thought is less based on insecurity and more on simply experience with life) ]

Who ever said anything about being scared?

[ Scared? Him? Never!

That little fuss back at him is well aware that Blue is teasing him, and there's an fondness for that fact in it. ]

[Blue hums an amused sound at that rebuke, his act of contrition coming by way of leaning in, impressing a more sincere, almost smothering kiss on him. Yzak's fingers tickle against his scalp, a pleasing feeling he's gotten used to and has grown to look forward to.

it's all too easy to get lost in a kiss, even with Yzak's mind still abuzz, ever the deft-thinking Coordinator. any surfacing doubt is one Blue can smother in affection, after all.

yep, he definitely gets the appeal of all this physicality; he only wishes he'd discovered it sooner!]

[ Who would have thought one way to disarm Yzak was to just kiss him silly? Because that absolutely works, and Blue's deep, earnest kiss drowns out most of his thoughts about anything else in the moment, leaving him to just feel this.

He clearly hasn't had a lack of this appeal for as long as Blue, but he still held himself back from it as much as he could. Maybe he was supposed to until now, until Blue. That's what it feels like, anyway, in a moment like this.

While still a little unsure, occasionally tense and sometimes clumsy, Yzak's movements and reactions have started to mold into his own, rather than every action being judged or compared to what he thinks it should be. So the way his hand still under Blue's moves, wrist twisting to turn it upright and gently curl his fingers and squeeze is a little more natural. ]

[turns out there's so many different little ways to press and and kiss touch someone in combination, and some ways are better than others. being still new to much of it means most of it is fascinating at the very least and a delightful discovery. feeling Yzak squeeze at Blue's hand in the midst of a mutually greedy kiss is nice, but it only reminds Blue of the rest of his own form.]

It's nice. How well our hands fit together.

[he gives Yzak's hand a little squeeze before he breaks the kiss with a breathy sigh, apologizing for having to do so by gently leaving a peck against the corner of his mouth.

he brings up their clasped hands so he can gently nuzzle the back of Yzak's with his cheek, leave a little kiss along his knuckles.]

[ He's left near breathless, too, when Blue draws back the slightest bit. ]

... yeah...

[ He remembers thinking that same thing, back when he first realized he had these feelings for Blue at all. It's nice to be reminded of that fact. Since it's officially fact now, as they both think it.

He realizes his lips are still parted when the other brings their hands up, snapping his mouth shut. The taste of Blue still fresh on his lips, Yzak's head inclines when he presses that kiss to his hand. He feels his stomach flutter in response, utterly charmed.

So charmed, in fact, that he only awkwardly balks the slightest bit, still flushed of course, before mirroring Blue to do the same, his own lips pressing against the back of his hand in turn. ]

[the reciprocation pulls a twitterpated smile out of Blue, partly hidden by their hands]

There's something of a resonance here. The way Mu do naturally. Only...I can't...properly convey it back to you. The w-- - ---l it. [his mouth twitches, brow pinching.]

I thi-- ---- -appen--- a----...

[he sucks in and holds a sharp breath, tightening his grip.

can you hear me?]

[ Well, that was starting to sound like something nice ... mentioning that resonance, the idle wondering of how it would feel conveyed back to him...

But then he hears the way Blue's thoughts start to break up, almost like a communication device meeting interference. Yzak feels the pressure his hand is squeezed.

Blue? ]

. . .

[ He pauses, lifting his head just a bit to look at Blue over their hands, realization instant, and clear on his face. ]

Blue...?

[Blue doesn't answer right away, still straining to keep hold of that sense, but it...]

Gone...again.

[his voice is small, but this time he's not breaking down into tears. he's tense, yes, but...well. this isn't the first time around, is it? and it's not like he just woke up this way this time.

having it vanish right in the midst of a moment is strange, but, somehow...the anchor of being physically busy with Yzak softened the blow in a way.

he exhales slowly, closing his eyes for a few seconds before fixing them back on Yzak.]

But...you're still you. Aren't you.

Of course I am.

[ He hopes that telltale confidence in his tone is enough to assure him. Even though he can't help but frown in response to this happening, knowing what it does to Blue. He was quite literally hitting the point of his heart feeling like it was going to explode out of his chest, about to pull his face away to catch his breath, but this sedates Yzak some. So as he doesn't even register the way his hand instinctively squeezes Blue's back along with those words, he keeps his gaze steady on him. ]

You okay?

[is he? he's...unnerved. suddenly losing such a crucial sense in this moment is definitely throwing him off-balance, but...Yzak is still here, still present. their hands still fit the same way.

this flickering is the price to pay, Viveca said. the cost of being alive.

so this is...the cost of even having a moment like this.]

...I am. I'm...still here, too.

[ Can't believe these orbs are cockblockers too smdh. ]

You are.

[ There's a stretch of silence after that, before his eyes move back down to their hands.

And then, somewhat strained: ] I'm ... glad for that. [ Because he totally just thought that, and then realized, oh, Blue wouldn't be able to hear it. So repeating it outloud feels like a lot, especially since the feelings that come along with those words are so strong, too. ]

But I'm still sorry, too. [ That this is what he had to pay. ]

[Blue's expression softens out of the tension the shift had caused; he reaches up with his unencumbered hand to cup Yzak's cheek.]

Will it...be alright? If I can't know...what you want right away.

[was that the real draw for Yzak? someone who could follow those racing thoughts, rise above the muck of doubt and find the heart of things. to know not to balk at his fussing or scoffs, to know what he wants from him when it happens.

he can only guess now from their limited interactions...is that enough? he's not as good a chess player, after all.]

[ At first, when Blue places that hand on his face, Yzak assumes he's simply trying to keep himself close, that the touch helps assure him that it's okay, that he's still here...

And then he blinks when he hears that, looking back up at him, perplexed. ]

—Hah? What kind of question is that!?

[ Blue's worrying about that right now? ]

Why ... why wouldn't this be alright!?

[Blue flushes a shade darker, part of his expression obscured by their hands when he dips his head.]

I won't know...what you're thinking. Or feeling. Not unless I see it...or...hear it, I suppose. Outwardly. [look. it's too level a playing field here; he's never been involved with a human as a human!]

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