coordination: (formerly famous but i gave up that life)
Yzak Jule ([personal profile] coordination) wrote in [community profile] ximilialog2022-02-13 06:53 pm

Feb Log

CHARACTERS: Yzak and whoever!
LOCATION: All over the station
DATE: Various
CONTENT: We goin thru it
WARNINGS: ??? will note



Various OTA and closed prompts for all of our post mission needs! Wildcards are fine if you wanna hit me with something. Contact me at [plurk.com profile] gaignun, Tara#1768 or PM me here if you'd Iike a custom starter and I will knock something out!!
firstroar: (pic#6892319)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 02:49 am (UTC)(link)
[he may not be cleaned up from the dust and drama of the mission, but being on IV fluids for the couple days it takes to rehydrate and start to recover does bring a bit of haleness to the Mu's features, looking less on the precipice of death as he had in those moments leading up to the finding of Ford.

the exhaustion, anger, and misery of the outcome hangs in the station (and infirmary in particular) like a miasma, making it difficult for Blue to resurface from lucidity - to say nothing of the on-again off-again flickerings of his own psionics, making his sleep that much heavier upon him.

when he does come to, he's brought to the surface by the thrumming of anxiety nearby; Blue's eyes slowly blink open before he draws a slow breath, breathing it back out with a faint sound in his nose.]
firstroar: (pic#6165278)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
[his expression softens out of the struggle of waking up, cognizant of that swell of relief that can't quite smother all worry entirely.

his fingers twitch, vaguely aware of the needle in his hand, yet he still tries to turn his hand to accept Yzak's should he choose to take it.]


I'm sorry. How long...have I kept you waiting?
construing: (appointments.)

[personal profile] construing 2022-02-14 02:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey. What's going on?

[ one such passersby is also the type who cannot just pass by. gwen speaks up before reaching yzak. she doesn't reach out to touch him, unsure if it will be welcome, but she also can't do nothing.

crouching by him, she frowns. he's hurt, obviously; but she doesn't believe the root cause here is physical. she remembers him (hard to forget him) from those first days here on the station. a far cry from his state now. she bites her lip, worried.
]
firstroar: (pic#6891949)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 03:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[Blue closes his eyes for a moment, taking stock of how he feels. tired, but not outright exhausted, sore from not moving, but...]

...Better. Than earlier. [...]

Ford...

I couldn't do anything...
firstroar: (pic#6892000)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 05:30 pm (UTC)(link)
...Is cruel.

[frustrating. wrong.

Blue's eyes open, fixed on the empty ceiling, expression hardening. wrestling with the morality of this all...this isn't a new struggle. one has to balance the value of seeing their own wishes through with the cost of reaching in and altering the lives of strangers on top of calculating the cost of not intervening at all - a tricky tightrope indeed.

as ever, though, the choice of putting himself last is always the easiest.]


My heart in this matter... It can't be in the same place it was...when I was drawn here.
firstroar: (pic#5952068)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 06:03 pm (UTC)(link)
[Blue doesn't answer right away, though his expression does soften some. after a beat, he shifts, moving his free arm so he can start to push himself to sitting up a bit, eventually needing a bit of Yzak's help to finish the job and get pillows behind him to keep himself propped up.]

I've meditated on it...for a long time. What I regret. What I would change. There is so much...I would change for them. [for his people.] But...at the cost of...what they have accomplished? Despite everything?

I don't know anymore. Seeing how these...beings, these orbs...the way they determine those changes...

Were I to be responsible...for a fate like Ford's...for any of them... [he'd rather die, honestly.]
firstroar: (pic#6892347)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 06:46 pm (UTC)(link)
[Yzak's distaste and outrage at the orb's words resonates well with how Blue feels about it, and he's grateful for that. he doesn't know how humans stand it, boiling in their own emotions, not having that mutual resonance to assure it is not just them skewing their own thoughts and feelings (why be biased alone when you can be biased together!!!!).

he keeps hold of some of Yzak's fingers throughout that shifting of position, not keen to let him get far away.]


And those we are encountering... They're suffering, too. More or less doesn't matter, but...doesn't it matter if we're doing such damage...for the sake of the past? [what about the present?]
firstroar: (pic#6891949)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 07:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[he hesitates, frowning softly.]

...I can only guess...what it is I would change...were it truly within my power. What's really in my heart to move me...to avoid the fate already written for me. [to avoid that fiery death Yzak witnessed.]

Because if it were...to avoid my own end...[he shakes his head.] It could lead us to ruin in another way. [it would mean losing Jomy. it would mean never leaving Ataraxia with him. never kickstarting that campaign through the stars. idling...decaying...fading.]

But my own selfish shame... [his gaze is downcast.] Having to become like the very thing...I've been fighting all my life... Sealing her memories...to imbue her with my power...
firstroar: (pic#6891981)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 08:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[he doesn't answer aloud, instead just squeezing at Yzak's fingers as he passes the image along. a woman, whose golden hair is impossibly long, eyes forever closed and blind, practically glowing with a gentle presence. she smiles kindly, his name on her lips, holding her hands out to him.

it's overlaid with the image of her in tears, reaching out for him to stay.

Soldier...!]


...Physis. [my goddess.]
firstroar: (pic#5952040)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 09:39 pm (UTC)(link)
[Blue exhales, his expression getting sadder with this topic. he misses her dearly, even now - especially now! he'd have liked to have kissed her once...]

Those things she endured... The dark ties bound to the powers latent within in her...they frightened her. Stunted her growth. If she were to feel as though she belonged, she needed that power. My power.

So I sealed them. Her memories. And I took her to the Shangri-La, taught her to tap into her dreams...to glimpse flickerings of the future. Without her...I don't know if I could've found them. The children. Jomy.

But doing so... It's just the same as the Mother computers. The ones who robbed me of my own past. [hypocrisy. he exhales in a soft huff, shaking his head.]

You never know...if what you've done is truly right...until the end.
firstroar: (ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴀɴᴅᴇʀ)

[personal profile] firstroar 2022-02-14 11:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[Blue looks at him, that piercing effect coming to his expression before he looks away.]

Supreme morality...supreme right and wrong... That's logic for machines. What matters...is our lives. Our effects on each other.

What effect...I've left...

Page 1 of 12