ximilialog | Feb Log

[ He had to open his big fuckin mouth didn't he.

He hears that amusement in Blue's voice, too. He knows what's going on here. Yzak's face heats up more, a tiny little strained sound in his throat. ]

I don't know them verbatim! Okay? But things like ... caring at all makes your heart vulnerable to hurt just as much. Two sides of the same coin; you can't have just one without the other. The more you— care about someone [ He almost said That Other Word. ] the more it hurts if they leave you or if you see them in pain ... that kind of shit, and I bet there are a million more of them!

[ #soromantic ]

[romantic indeed! the lengths at which Yzak goes for Blue's sake - so many different avenues and causes where his pride and heart are on the line... Blue can't help but be endeared and grateful.

as Yzak explains, Blue eases his hold and pulls away to look him in the eye, which may or may not KO the poor guy. he smiles, wearing his affection plainly; the hand that was on his back has drawn up and now rests on his shoulder.

with a gently quirked eyebrow:] No light without shadow, right?

[ Blue is out here choosing violence. ]

Yeah ... that, too.

[ His pride and heart get intimidated by the stupidest shit, but at the very least Yzak is too stubborn to ever let himself look like a complete coward, so ends up ... here, as a compromise.

Though right now, he can gaze back at him without much of a KO because he's just relieved that Blue's still here at all. ]

You get what I mean, then! So, don't worry so much about it.

[ Easier said than done, even he knows that. One of his own arms unwind from his waist to come up, giving him a light flick to the side of his head, soft against his hair. ]

And instead remember that I obviously want that too!

[the flick is something of a surprise, not used to being handled so playfully by Yzak of all people... but it's not a bad surprise. he double blinks, then smiles again, a light laugh in his voice:] That's true; I'd know better otherwise, wouldn't I.

[not unless his powers vanished which HA HAAAAAAAA why would that happen.]

[ HAHAHA WHY INDEED!!

Also look, if he manhandles Blue like, say, Athrun or Dearka, that would not end well for Blue's frail-ass body, especially right now. This is a middle-ground. It's not playful, it's serious emphasis for his serious words that should only be taken seriously. ]

You should.

[ Yzak lets his hand briefly rest there against his head, fingers curling into soft hair. ]

[Blue's expression sobers a little, still soft and affectionate, but aware of the insistence Yzak means to convey. he tilts his head against that hand. he likes having fingers in his hair - Physis, James, Yzak... it's nice. comforting.]

I do. [he closes his eyes.] You won't have to worry...about your sincerity being lost on me. I can feel it.

[ He's silent for a few moments, staring at him. He's calmer, Blue seems more at ease now that he's resting somewhere familiar again. They're out of that infirmary, alone now, thus Yzak doesn't have to Be Weird about PDA ... so he leans in to kiss him. Gentle, but fringed with echoes of that relief borne of anguish that he can do this, as fingers more thoroughly comb through Blue's hair as he tips his head into his hand. ]

Good.

[the kiss meets no resistance - just the faintest hesitation in accepting it and the pleasant flutter it causes in him. Yzak may be right and justified in treating him like porcelain, but Blue still presses in a bit more certainly if only to make a point: he's here and wants his attention...even if he's still quite drained and only able to accept so much.

so it's only a handful of gentle kisses he can supply before he has to withdraw a little, lingering by way of resting cheek to cheek, bangs and eyelashes grazing Yzak's skin, not willing to completely break the spell of the moment. it's too precious.]

[ Attention is exactly what he'll get when Yzak feels him press into the kiss a bit more firmly, returning it easily, eagerly, brief as it is.

But brief or not, he doesn't care because he's just glad he didn't lose him. It always feels like he's destined for that in some shape or form. So right now the way Blue's eyelashes and bangs brush against his warmed, reddened skin feels that much more prominent, every little sensation setting deep into his heart. He stays comfortably there for as long as Blue'd like - Yzak can feel the slight shift in the way he moves, knows he's still pretty tired. ]

[he can't sit up for too long before the weight and ache of weariness presses in too much. what - he thought he could be asleep two days, get up without stretching and march around a bit and just be fine? perish the thought.

with a sigh, he withdraws, head dipped low to obscure the disappointment in his expression before moves to lie down.]

Forgive me. Just a little while...

[ Yzak raises an eyebrow, letting out a little huff as he lets his arm unwind from Blue's waist, pulls his hand away from his hair, because even if he can't see his expression, he hears Blue's voice in his head. ]

It's fine.

[ ...

He shifts a little himself, hand bracing on the bed, fingernail idly scratching at the fabric of the bedsheets. ]

Rest as long as you need to. I'll...

I can stay, too.

[ Whether he moves to a chair, sits comfortable in the bed next to him, or sets himself down beside him - even though he's not very tired himself. At this point it would feel weird to go somewhere else, after how long they spent downtime together during the mission. ]

[Blue doesn't answer right away, but he does reach for the wrist propping Yzak up nearby.]

Until I fall asleep... is that alright? Like before.

[back on that planet, wrapped up together after that intimate moment they shared. being held, having a familiar, warm body to press against is a comfort Blue's grown more and more fond of.]

... Yeah.

[ Answered in a short little breath, trying not to awkwardly sputter it out like he very well could have.

Like the polite gentleman he is, he gets his boots off, and then undoes the belt of the coat of his uniform to pull it off - he doesn't need it to get wrinkled, he has to look good and proper when he's out and around! The blue, high-necked undershirt is a lot more comfortable than that long coat, anyway.

Once the white coat and its belt are tossed (neatly) over the armrest of the nearby chair, Yzak turns back to comfortably settle down. He reaches to grab for the covers, shift them around so he can easily slip beneath them and next to Blue. His movement is a little stiff, shy more than tired or aching because it feels that bit more different, being in Blue's room rather than their shared spaces on the mission. More personal, drawing him in closer yet.

Once down, he turns to face Blue, nearly nose to nose once again, flushing.
But he slides his arm around him, bringing the covers with it so they can be comfortably enveloped together, still cognizant of his injury as he moves. ]

[the energy here is different, but not entirely dissimilar, to that of their evening planetside. there's no immediate, oppressive feeling of danger - just the low buzz of worry from Yzak's awareness that this moment, while sweet, will be fleeting. Blue knows, but...he's too tired to hold onto that worry. he just...wants to be held. like this.

his eyelids are already heavy, but he still stares back at Yzak, focusing not on that worry, but on the warmth of the weight of his arm over his waist, the cloudy color of his eyes, remembering the softness of his hair...

the light is warmer than shadows.]

[ He's trying to keep - force that buzz to be as low as possible. It's there, it might always be there? But it's a little quieter now, quiets little more by little more as time passes, with every time Blue ... looks at him like this. Straight at him without so much as a flinch that he can barely stand it because of how much it makes his heart stir. Ironically that saying about staring into one's soul is appropriate in this case, because Blue does that, sees all of him. And is still here.

Maybe staying for while even when Blue dozes off won't be so bad. He could sneak out of bed, go do something like train, read - Yzak always tries to keep himself busy, if he feels like he's too idle or not getting something done, he goes crazy. But this ... this doesn't feel like that at all. This feels just as important as anything else he could be doing, so he'll stick to it. ]

[thinking on how nice it is to be able to be so close to someone, to gaze at them without fear of them being pulled away or recoiling...it's nice. but he can't keep his eyes open for very long, and he's soon lost to sleep, safe from what's to come in the hours following when he grows more and more aware that his consciousness no longer mingles with Yzak's, that the ambient presence of others in the station is...gone.

empty. emptier than Badrock. almost like--]

Hh-!

[he draws in his waking breath sharply, taken by a dreadful chill as his eyes snap open and he sees--]

Y...Yzak...?

[wait. but. what about--

is he--?!]

Edited (msall) 2022-02-17 02:20 (UTC)

[ Did Yzak doze off a little himself? Maybe he did, what about it? It was warm and comfortable and he's gotten ... strangely used to this. This kind of company.

Blue won't have time to consider that thought any further because Yzak is a light sleeper, used to disruptions and the need to wake himself fast. He stirs when he hears Blue's hitch of breath, his own eyes shooting open when he speaks, sounding the way he does. Immediately pushing himself up on his forearm, he blinks, alarmed. ]

What—!? What's going on!?

[What changed?

he doesn't answer aloud, asking instead by thought, waiting for that answer in kind...receiving none, feeling none.

color drains from his face as dread fills him, prompting him to get his hands underneath him and push himself up slowly, warily, before lifting a hand and touching Yzak's face, searching...

...finding...nothing. nothing beyond the projected worry on the outside. nothing informs him from the inside.

he retracts his hand as though he had just touched open flame, leaning away, back against the wall behind him.]

No--you-- [his breath hitches again, held for a beat as he realizes that it's not just Yzak. that brings his hands to the sides of his own head.]

There's...nothing... They're gone--!

[ He knows something's very wrong with the way Blue jerks his hand back - it's Yzak who's supposed to be doing weird shit like that! (and he's barely even doing it anymore! especially that harshly!)

Did he have some kind of dream...? Are things on the station okay? Blue would be the first to feel it, if something's gone terribly wrong somewhere. And seeing him panicked like this... ]

Hey, hey! [ He quickly moves to sit up himself, leaning toward Blue. One hand hesitantly reaches out to rest lightly on one of his forearms, neck craning to try to get him to look at him. ] Calm down...! Did— do you feel something happening?

[Let go!

here is where Blue's eyes would flash, his barrier pulse, but...nothing.

nothing.]

No, what-- [he recoils, an arm in front of him defensively as he whips his gaze around, searching for a source.] This isn't right. Where are they?! Why--can't I sense...anyone?

[his eyes snap back to Yzak in fear.]

Who are you?! Where is Yzak! The others! Where am I? Simulation-?!

[ Good thing Yzak can't somehow hear that thought, doesn't get hit by that barrier - that would have hurt a bit. The way Blue recoils, looks at him (compared to how he looked when he fell asleep) feels wrong enough. ]

Hah—? [ He stills, eyes widening a little. ] You can't sense anyone...?

[ Even ... him? When he's right here? ]

It's me! [ He puts a hand over his own chest. ] This isn't a simulation!

[ And then he tries, tries to send him a thought. Blue. Blue! Can you not hear this!?

...

...

Yzak looks over his shoulder when he gets nothing back, toward the door of Blue's room. ]

Something has to be happening. [ He just doesn't know what. He doesn't feel anything off himself, hear anything happening outside. No calls for help through the network, no explosions or emergency alarms... ]

[trying to stay abreast of panic is...it's not easy. he's not able to manage quite well without an anchor outside of himself, and his anchor is gone!

but there might be a threat. an attack. something--something gone wrong. focus, Blue. Soldier!

Blue squeezes his eyes shut as he presses harder against his head, refocusing his energy on trying to send his mind out, to feel through the darkness for where the others are, where Yzak is--

but there's nothing. no force to push or pull, no reverberation, no resonance at all]

Gone...

[it's--]

I-- My...psionics...

[gone!]

It's...empty...gone... [he starts to tremble.] I'm...

[ Their lives and safety are the more important priority above anything else. Can't figure out what's happening to Blue if they're in active danger and need to move.

He hears the panic rising in Blue's voice, sees him trembling ... Yzak reaches out to a few random people through his earpiece, trying to gauge the situation - if there's one at all. Where they are, if everything around them is okay. Yes, he's fine, just shut up and answer the question! He even calls out to Viveca because if anyone would pick up something amiss on the station, it'd be her - unless she simply didn't respond, which would be confirmation on its own that they need to worry.

But she does. Everything outside of this room is okay. ]

... what...

[ Now that the highest priority has been dealt with, he can move onto the next. If no sort of outside force is the cause for what's happening to Blue, then what is going on, here? His injuries...?

Yzak doesn't care if he flinches away again - back on Badrock when it was him recoiling, Blue had reached out, caught him, brought him back in. It's only been mere hours since his awakening from his injuries, from... if Blue lets himself get too worked up he could re-injure himself again. He reaches out to brace his hands on his shoulders, firm enough to keep him upright, hopefully enough to let him at least truly, physically feel him there. To let him know that he's there, that he's real. ]

Blue!

The station's safe. Your psionics can't just be ... gone. [ Right...? ] Try and stay with me so we can figure out what the hell's going on here!

[reeling in the midst of this, unable to sense intention, it leaves Blue vulnerable to fresh surprise and uncertainty he has no preparation for. when he's grabbed again, he gasps, tensing up in an effort to recoil that he doesn't have the stamina to do; all he can do is fix wide, wet eyes on Yzak.

it...it is him, right? just as he was before waking? just...missing any of the sharp clarity of thought, the thrumming of emotion.

it's as though he's gone deaf and can only watch as someone raises their voice to be heard.

his fingers curl against his scalp as his expression scrunches with anguish.

Why can't you hear me? he pleads, but gets nothing back. Why can't I...feel you?]

I can't...feel it...

[ The only thing Yzak does get from that, is that the way Blue looks at him with that expression during those couple of beats of silence makes it clear that he's trying to speak to him. But he hears nothing.

And he can't give anything back. Which ... might be just as well in this moment, because he's jumping to all different sorts of alarming conclusions. Trauma and injury can fuck with senses if they're too bad, can't they? That on top of Blue's already deteriorating state ... could this just be something happening the more that progresses? ]

... I can't, either. [ Whatever it was that Blue was just trying to convey in thought to him. ]

Has this ever happened to you before? When you were hurt... [ Maybe it's just because he's still hurt, still healing. ]

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