ximilialog | Julog

Entry tags:

Julog

CHARACTERS: Yzak and you!
LOCATION: Various.
DATE: After return to the station.
CONTENT: All of that post-mission hubbub. Some closed starters in the comments.
WARNINGS: Will note.

#0: Just For Flavor | (not a prompt)

[ The team stayed on E-23b for a little longer than anticipated after finding the orb. What was Yzak up to during that time? He'd stayed near the towers in the chaos after one of them fell, and that topped with the fact that he had an unpleasant run-in with a couple of his colleagues back at the parliament who were looking for some revenge and to smear his name, the way things shook out afterward came together in a way where Yzak couldn't even be assed enough to argue about it. He'd been seen near the towers and accused by those colleagues of helping the Fables - which wasn't a lie in the end. So he decided to fuck off and drop the political "act," focusing his efforts on aiding his actual teammates with the work they wished to do.

His newfound time led him to split it between two main tasks within the sphere of sticking close to his team. Task one was if word got out or identity revealed regarding a certain comatose Mu and the guard tower's destruction, he wanted to make sure he was close just in case anybody else got any ideas of revenge into their head. Best visualized as your classic bodyguard/charge tragic love story at a bedside because one of them is dying trope. It's very sad. Task two was lending his power to Sabriel's by way of his Charter magic to work on the planet's toxic water situation. Best visualized as a classic sibling team up with cool, synergic motions to get the work done, and all of the banter from the occasional teasing to more somber conversations. It's very cute. ]

#1: The Boo Blue Blew Up Blues | (infirmary ; ota)

[ By now none should be surprised to see Yzak in the infirmary while Blue is there. Which is Often. If you're visiting the infirmary for whatever reason, just take the trope visualization described above as the sight you're greeted with, peppered with an option of your choosing between: he's reading something, he's fallen into a tiny doze in his chair, or he's resting a chin in his hand, looking so deep in thought about something that he doesn't even recognize you passing by.

If you're in the infirmary yourself for any injuries, Yzak isn't so rude to ignore you! He'll be up and about frequently, poking his head in ~~nosily~~ curiously to your character to see if they're awake, how they're looking, what they're up to. ]

Hey. How are you doing?

#2: Learning Lad in the Lab | (labs ; ota)

[ Yzak doesn't spend much time in the labs, so his presence there might come as a surprise to anybody who happens to find him there now. That's the extent of the surprise, though; he's not messing with the chemicals, and not even actually tinkering with the techy pieces or building anything.

He does have a bunch of pieces of ~machinery~ scattered out before him, though, a paper pad at his side and a book open at his other, sat atop a few other closed ones. He's skimming the book, eying the pieces on the table in front of him before picking one or two of them up, and then inspecting them closely, how they seem to fit together, what they are, what they do, familiarizing himself with their different shapes and sizes, how strong and how flexible they are. He does that, takes some notes (maybe makes the occasional small doodle to accompany some of the notes), and then repeats the process, now with different pieces of machinery.

He's pretty engrossed! But feel free to engage. ]

#3: Gundam Guy Galaxy Gazing | (simulations ; ota)

[ The view constructed in the simulations are far more bright and beautiful than the one from the station's windows even if it gets the same job done; Reflection. Anybody wandering into the simulations will find themself on the bridge of a battleship, techy and futuristic; metal paneling and computerized screens, sterile and clean and bright. But empty. Empty save for Yzak himself who's leaning against the back of one of the chairs closest to the windows and looking out at the view. The space around Earth and PLANT is a breathtaking sight to see - endless pinpricks of lights dotting space in varying size and brightness, streaks of color of distant clusters and galaxies that feel like staring at a beautiful watercolor painting.

The Earth itself is so close and blue and bright, serving as a backdrop to a group of hourglass-shaped space colonies - well over a hundred. If one were to stare out at the serene view for long enough to notice, there's a small area among the colonies them where a few of them don't look quite as good. Yzak's still in the white uniform he's always seen in as he quietly soaks in the familiarity of the ship and the view. Maybe if you ask nicely he'll give you a tour of some kind; physical tour of the ship itself? Audio tour of the view? ]

Wildcard & OOC | (current and new cr welcome)
Feel free to tweak any prompt and I'll roll with whatever! Or just wildcard me, baby, I'm here for it. Poke me at

gaignun, Tara#1768 or PM me here if you have any questions/want to kick around ideas if nothing stands out! The inbox is always open, too. ♥

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Earpiece, psionically, speaking aloud, he's awake and that's the most important thing in this moment. Even if like those flashes in the subconscious it might end up being brief, but Yzak was beginning to wonder if he'd ever hear him at all again.

As such, those feelings of a relief he knows he should clamp down on and not allow to get too strong lest they get dashed can't help but swell in him. The tablet in his hand is all but tossed to the side and he turns in his chair. The anguish and fear and desperation that's simmered in him all this time swirl in with with the relief, so the first thing that comes out of Yzak's mouth is ]

I-it's about time you woke up...! [ Words wrapped up in a clumsy gratefulness that give them no actual bite. Really, what else would he say, being him?

Those tense fingers curl around Blue's hand, hoping to keep him here. The action serves to clear his mind just enough that he can properly address his question. ]

It's been a few weeks.

Only about three days, since we returned to the station.

[Blue is likewise grateful to see him again - safe, whole... he squeezes at his hand a little more as he turns in, his own head turning toward him with a smile pulling on the corner of his lips.]

It felt...like a blink. Little flickers, like a candle...and now here. [not unlike the way it felt after fifteen years asleep on the Shangri-La.]

Weeks...

I'm sorry, Yzak. For making you wait so long.

[ He doesn't say or actively think it outloud, but he still thinks it, so, you know: that he wishes these last few weeks didn't feel as long as they had to him. Because they felt like much, much longer. ]

You couldn't exactly help it. [ He waves his free hand. He had told Blue in that fleeting dream to leave things to him, to focus on recovering, resting so he could wake up again. And he did. ] I did say not to take long! But all things considered, it could have taken a lot longer! So it's fine, this time.

[ 'This time', he says, even if by now it's clear that he's all hot air and would do this a million times, and for longer, if he had to.

He just would not like to have to. ]

As long as you're still here. [ He doesn't say as long as he's okay, because that's his next question, his expression softening. ]

How are you feeling?

[he hums out a faint sound as he exhales a deeply-drawn breath, closing his eyes.]

Tired... [he opens them again.] Tired of...being tired. Though I had gotten so lucky...for a while there.

[ Tired...

He can feel it, even through the earpiece, the weight that comes with that statement. Poor Blue has been so very tired and this...

This is definitely reaching a threshold. Where it's not going to be worth all of the exhaustion and pain anymore. Yzak knows this, and yet he selfishly wants that luck to somehow hold out. To buy eight-thousand more charms in hopes that they actually work, even just the tiniest bit. The weak thread holding the sword that hangs over them is beginning to fray and tear, now. The final snap feels imminent; like it could happen even in the middle of this conversation, good as it is to have it at all. ]

If only things hadn't gotten so hectic, you— [ Blue knows. If he hadn't needed to overexert himself, this wouldn't have happened. Not like this, anyway. Not in a way where there were awful repercussions back on the planet and physically and mentally for Blue himself. The part of him that wishes he'd suggested Blue go with him for infiltration is smothered by both the fact that what's done is done and that it was Blue's choice to head to the guard towers. ]

It...slipped out of my grasp. [his expression grows more somber, his gaze distant.] Out of my strength... That power. If it weren't for you, for Rey...

[Yzak knows. even without knowing the full extent of what a psionic burnout truly is like, those dots are easy to connect given all the context he's gotten.]

I'm truly sorry. That I couldn't stop it. I hope... If I hurt someone, I... If I can atone...

Yeah... [ He remembers. And though there was some to be gleaned in dreaming, Blue's words reignite those memories now. The way he looked, bloodied and broken, how hopeless it seemed for a little while there - the desperate tracing of Charter marks upon hearing that wet, struggling breathing. Even after it was over and there was nothing to do but wait, every once in a while Yzak'd find himself casting a lingering glance down to Blue, focused on his chest to make sure it was still rising and falling.

He looks down to their hands, lips dipping into a frown. ]

I don't think those on E-23b would have accepted anything you could even have hoped to offer. [ Were Blue awake and going around making it known that it was his power surge that brought that guard tower down, that might have ended up worse. ] In the end, even extending our stay to try and help them only went so far before they told us it was best if we just left.

[Blue listens, his expression smoothing out from that sullenness, looking more at Yzak as he talks, retracing the features of his face from memory. weeks, he'd said? truly...weeks there? after that horrible fight? he can't imagine the strife. and the whole time, all Blue could do...]

And you... [Blue's brow pinches a bit, expression still searching.] Are you... How are you? Tell me.

[ By now Yzak's face is clear of the black eye and split lip he'd gained from getting jumped by a couple of his former colleagues during the commotion; ones he's definitely complained to Blue about in the past.

Otherwise? He looks like the same old Yzak. For all of the teasing he gets about scowling and getting wrinkles early from his constant crankiness, those Coordinator genes keep him looking nice and youthful. Even if his eyes often reflect the opposite due to the things he's seen and experienced.

The question is a little unexpected, since Yzak's own focus right now is on Blue's well being in light of everything. How much does he know and remember about what happened? How much does he want to know? ... regardless of any answer he'd give, his psionics assure that he'll find out, won't they. He blinks a couple of times, gaze shifting back up to meet Blue's. How is he? How is he? ]

Much better, now that you're awake. [ A truth, even if "much better" only reaches so far. The unknown, the limbo he'd been in for the last few weeks has weighed on him for sure. Love is powerful, so it stands to reason the painful weight of it is just as much so. ]

And that we're back on the station. Even if Viveca's decided to hide away for the time being.

It's been work, otherwise. [ That's putting it in simplest terms. ] We found the orb during the revolution, but decided to not properly take it until we stayed there a little longer to help in the aftermath. With the water situation, for example.

A well intended decision, but ultimately ... well, whether it was worth it or not is up for debate.

[typical Yzak: a simple waved-off statement before turning the topic away from himself. perhaps Blue ought to take that as a sign he's alright, but...]

Have you...been able to rest? Despite everything. To...find time...to feel like yourself.

More than I did when I was doing that work in the Inner Circle.

[ Pulling those hours for a lead that ended up being for naught, because the orb was nowhere near there. He scowls a little, going on a tangent. (yzak he's been in a coma for nearly a month, please) ] Remember those three fucks I told you about? [ Whatever the fuck their names were!! ] The ones who kept giving me grief because they were mad that I was showing them up? [ He tips his chin up, preening a little because he knows he's better than they are!! They were just jealous of him and his infinite talents! ] Those bastards tried to pull a fast one on me during the blackout at the parliament. [ Gosh, that feels like such a long time ago now... ] But they sure regretted that! I was glad to be away from them after it was all over.

[ Yzak huffs through his nose, settling down from the slight bristling upon recalling how great it felt to kick their asses. Hell yeah, violence. ]

So, I managed. As much as I could feel like myself without you awake. [ He feels a slight heated tinge at his cheeks when he says that eyes suddenly focusing on a cup on the bedside table. But he soldiers on. ] We all managed. It wasn't exactly great getting the ire we got from the people, but that's not something new to me. It just pissed me off.

[Blue smiles small. it may not be great for Yzak to have had to deal with such things, but it still brings a lot of relief to see Yzak being...well, Yzak. and that mention of feeling like himself, despite lacking Blue...it does make him happy to hear.

his brow pinches with sympathy, but the smile remains.]

I never had a single doubt... I knew you'd be able to handle things.

Can you...help me sit up?

[ It is strange, though. How he feels without Blue there. Still himself but there's a very prominent lack of something, as though a part of him has been cut away. It's not a feeling he enjoys in the least.

The compliment earns Blue a small smile in return; a bit strained, but still very real. ]

Of course. [ A nod, and he shifts, reaching his other hand over for Blue to take so he can aid him. ]

[it's not so much "need his help" as it is "need him to do 90% of the work," because Blue is still quite weak from being idle for so long. thank goodness for Rey coming and making sure he wouldn't atrophy or wind up with bedsores...

now sat up, Blue leans into Yzak, resting his head on his shoulder, under his chin.]

Even if it was just a blink...or a span of weeks. I missed you the same.

[ Good thing it's easy work for Yzak's big strong (two) arms to handle. When Blue leans in, rather than returning to sit in the chair at the bedside, he opts to sit on the bed proper next to him so he can rest against him.

He feels his chest tighten, love and pain and gratefulness and pent up loneliness all crashing against each other. It nearly felt like he lost him yet again, so the way his arms slip around Blue to keep him close, to feel his heartbeat against his own chest is edged with a pining that he'd felt this whole time, afraid that he wouldn't feel this ever again. ]

Felt like a hell of a lot longer than both to me. [ He thinks, his hold gentle but enveloping. ] I was starting to wonder if you'd ever wake back up.

[ He goes silent after that. First there's a stray thought that, despite that feeling, there's a part of him glad that Blue didn't have to be awake during the rest of their time down on that planet. He'd have been miserable. The feeling's followed by a sharp pang of guilt, because it ain't very cool to be thankful for that and he knows it. ]

[Blue breathes out a gentle sound, slowly winding an arm around Yzak's middle.]

I know. And I'm sorry. Even though...you would not ask me to be. I just...know the unhappiness I leave behind when this happens.

You're right about that. [ That he wouldn't ask it of him. ] But if it helps ... then know that I hear you. And that it's okay. Because unhappiness is far from what you give or leave. [ It's like he's come to realize ... it's part of the package deal. No light without shadows, no shadows without light. And Blue shines so brightly to him. ]

Do you remember everything? What happened back then, when you lost control. What about the the last few weeks? There were times where you seemed as though you might have been more aware, but even in dreaming you were in and out of it.

[he closes his eyes and tries to remember, his head still somewhat cottony from the long sleep and medicine coursing through him.]

I remember...Finn... Finn looked to me. He...said something. He was... His arms were up above him. Holding...up the ceiling?

And then...Rey found me. She told me...it's time to wake up. That...I wouldn't want to see your crying face.

[ Yzak perks slightly at that last thing, almost as if he's about to say, hey! But he doesn't because ... it's fair. Had Blue died then, had he never woken up from this, of course he'd have cried. If it did happen at any other point in the last few weeks, nobody would know because it would have been in the privacy of Yzak's own room where nobody could see him or hear him frustratedly kick at his bed's frame with lack of an other immediate outlet to deal with the spikes of helpless dread.

If it happened, of course.

(it absolutely did) ]

Ah.

[ The tensed silence he falls into after that response is palpable. Torn between elaborating further and not wanting to cause him additional distress; Blue always feels so light against him, but there's something about it in this moment that makes him feel so much more so. Suddenly the idea of such a powerful surge of his ability being uncontainable by his thin frame makes so much sense. ]

[palpable indeed: it's in his body, too... Blue can't help but notice. what consolation can he give? there's no promise he can make that'll be satisfactory, because the ones he'd wish to are far from grasp. more and more, he can only promise the immediate, the right-now.

he lifts his head a little, bumping Yzak's jaw with the bridge of his nose, tickling at his skin with his eyelashes before he can sit up a bit more and kiss his cheek.

quietly:] Thank you...for being here.

[ As if he'd be anywhere else.

Okay, he could have been, he's a very busy man, even during downtime, evidenced by the small pile of books and the notebook atop it sitting next to that cup.

A light kiss like that still feels like a battery recharge. He's still tired, still worried, still dreading but still grateful, but it's as though a soft breeze runs through his bones to rejuvenate him some with the action. ] I could say the same to you.

I guess I am. [ He turns his head just as Blue pulls his own back from that peck on the cheek, nose to nose, the close proximity giving Blue a clearer look at his eyes. Eyes that for a moment just look at him, sheened ever so slightly before Yzak lets out a small breath and gives him a kiss on the lips back. Brief, but holding that bit of strength that he feels returned to his spirit with his waking. ]

Here. [ He uncoils one arm from around Blue to reach for that cup at the bedside - it's his, because he's always staying hydrated like a good boy. ] Drink some. There's a bit to catch up on, if that's all you can remember. [ Patiently he holds it up for him to take. ]

[the kiss is well-received, and while it can't be the cure-all of those fairy tales Yzak loaned him, it does warm Blue's heart and put him at ease while he remains in the silence of his mind. more and more, he's becoming acclimated (for better or worse) to that silence in Yzak's company, because there's no deception in his words or deeds. perhaps there's much still left unsaid because there must be: if Yzak gave voice to every thought or feeling that came to him, he'd be exhausted, Coordinator brain and all. Blue can forgive it because he loves him.

he's a little reluctant to sit up again, but he does so in order to accept the glass and the bit of help to get some of it down - it's rough for the first few sips, as the sting of the liquid on his dry throat makes him want to recoil, but he powers through for a few more sips. when he's had enough, he bobs his head in a gentle nod before passing the glass back to Yzak, waiting for his chance to lean against him again.]

[ If Yzak gave voice to every thought or feeling that came to him, everybody would be exhausted. And he comes close enough to doing so on the regular as is.

He's quick to return the glass to the table so he can get comfortable- as much as he can in an infirmary. He's never particularly liked spending time in one, especially when he was the one who couldn't come and go as he pleased. But as of late, he's basically had no choice but to get a little more used to the scenery. Yzak positions himself better so Blue can mold back in against him, leaning back on one braced hand and looking up to the ceiling. ]

He's recovered fine, now. Finn. Peter, too. The ceiling, I believe he was using his Force powers to keep it up for as long as he could when it started to come down.

I could feel it, too. When it happened to you.

[Blue settles back in, his head back on Yzak's shoulder, his expression growing thoughtful, somber. a little pang pierces through the warmth of that kiss, reminded of the torment he'd seen and felt from Finn, from Peter. it's in turn pierced by the interest of that remark Yzak brings up.]

...Felt it... [like a Mu? no--] How...?

It felt similar to when I knew something was wrong with you back in Braccia. [ That's about all he can compare it to. ] Something faint, short, but off, in my mind. Almost as if you were reaching out, but not specifically to me, or to anyone.

I wonder if that makes sense ... if you lost control and your psionics surged so powerfully, it sounds like the best guess I could make.

Julog

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