ximilialog | [open] my soul is the color of ice and snow

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[open] my soul is the color of ice and snow

CHARACTERS: lan xichen and YOU
LOCATION: around the ship
DATE: all after february 21st
CONTENT: simulation of cloud recess with totally not real rabbits that wear headbands, magical healing music, and a bit of sad time drinking. everything is about poorly coping.
WARNINGS: will update as i go, post-mission sadness ahead

time on the back hills (pets are forbidden)

[for an afternoon, those wishing to step into the simulation room will find it occupied and the scene before them as they step through the doors a pathway that leads them through a compound in the mountains. here winter turns to spring, blossoms bloom on trees still surrounded by sporadic piles of snow.

xichens them at the head of the path that leads them down past a waterfall and a pool, winding through the compound.] Come. Let me show you something.

[once on the way, xichen leads the two them through winding pathways and down a narrow path through a thick tree-line until they emerge on a grassy hill that is seems empty and covered in small patches of snow. the only notable thing there is a large rabbit-hutch standing under a tree, providing shade for the sunny field. xichen makes his way to the hutch, where he's left a basket full of vegetables -- carrots, lettuce, beets.

anyone approaching will soon realise that some of the white puffs of snow are not snow at all, but white rabbits of various sizes. some of them, surprisingly, wear a similar headband to the one xichen wears across his forehead.] Join me? [xichen calls over his shoulder, motioning them closer to the hutch.] They're friendly and easily won over, but I must warn you, they have a poor sense of boundaries. [he tips his head toward the basket of food, bribes for the rabbits.]

I used to take my nephew to this place after a difficult time. [he says after a while, in lieu of explanation for why he's created this particular vision for them all. rabbits are great for stress, you see. and that he equates some of you as needing the same soothing as a toddler once did.]

the song of clarity

[in the sunlight room, soft chords can be heard by anyone who passes through or wishes a moment of calm. xichen settles in a shady spot with his guqin, newly acquired and not quite tuned in the way he'd like. not that anyone unfamiliar could tell.

he sends a quick message to the network before he begins playing, a warning and also an invitation.] I am playing a song of Clarity the sunlight room, for those interested. If you have been feeling anxious or ill-at-ease, or unable to rest, the music is infused with Qi and will help ease your mind. I will play for anyone who needs it.

[the music floats through the room, the notes of the qin accompanied by sounds pulled forth by pale blue energy as he strikes each chord so it seems like he is accompanying himself with his flute. he has rested enough, slept most of the days since their return, that his energy levels are returning to their pre-mission state. not normal, no, but good enough that he can play. it helps too, serves as a distraction from the way things ended in scorpion's bend where the left a man to his seclusion.

that is a future xichen knows well, though he is pushing those exact thoughts out as he plays.

company is welcome and xichen plays the song all the way through regardless of when company joins him. as it comes to a close, he opens his eyes and looks at his companion.] Do you feel alright?

late nights musings and moping

[as it was for many, the mission was not an easy one for xichen. the conclusion, knowing that ford is left alone and the orb acted for its own entertainment leaves a hole in xichen's heart.

it makes anger boil in his chest, leaves him tossing and turning after exhaustion fades away. so instead of resting, he wanders the halls of the ship in the night. sometimes he is found on the observation deck, looking out at the stars with the corners of his lips pulled downward in a frown and brows creased in muted anger.

other times, deep in the night, he wanders to the kitchens and brews himself a cup of tea as he bends himself over a book that he is not truly reading. if pulled from his reading, he looks up at whatever poor soul enters the kitchen at this hour.] Would you like a cup? [there's still a good amount of tea in the pot next to him, a special blend from braccia for those who may recognize it. after a moment, he speaks again.] Or something stronger?

wild card!

[ooc: feel free to throw some variation of these my way or let me know if you'd like something else at grimm#9436 on discord or on plurk!]

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[being able to sit out somewhere and not be taken by a gripping cold or violent heat...that, at the very least, is pleasant. being able to hear something of Xichen's life is even moreso, as Blue is still very inclined to know more, feel more, especially since Xichen has been so kind to him.

his eyebrows lift a little.] Buried? Entirely?

[xichen lifts a particularly fluffy rabbit and then moves it, settling it down on blue's lap where there is space.] Not fully but he liked to lay down and the rabbits would lay on top of him. They don't cover everything. [a soft chuckle.] Faces aren't very comfortable resting spots.

Wangji told him it would help him feel better when he was sad.

[Blue looks down at the new fuzzy addition in his lap, wondering how many of these things it would actually take to be utterly crushed and overtaken. not much, on his part...

after a hesitation, he finally lifts a hand and gently brings it toward one of the rabbits in his lap.]

[given blue's state, xichen is not about to try and give him more rabbits unless he asks.

that does not stop another, smaller rabbit from trying to join what is likely a litter mate on blue's lap. the original rabbit xichen had moved looks at xichen's hand curiously and pushes up on it's hind feed, nose twitching as it tries to access if the hand reaching for it has food.] He might be hungry.

[if that's the case, Blue will pick up one of the torn pieces of lettuce and holds it gingerly between finger and thumb, letting the rabbit nip and nab it, easily freeing it from Blue's grip.]

If they act...and feel similarly to the real ones, the ones from your home... I can get a sense of the appeal.

They should. I spent quite a bit of time here with Sizhui and with my brother. This simulation is based on memory.

[xichen offers, watching blue with a hint of amusement in his eyes.] Pets are not allowed in Cloud Recess, though the ones with the headbands have been here quite some time, but we have the rabbits on the back hill and they are quite loved.

[so much so that they have the hutch, a large thing where more rabbits are hiding from the sun.]

[Blue tries to repeat his movements, but finds a rabbit trying to nibble at the end of the ribbon around his wrist and the Mu has to lift his hand away, letting the creatures forage for the greens in his lap on their own.]

They are so gentle... And do not fear humans? Is that...natural?

These rabbits have lived on this hill and been tended to for many generations. [he pauses, that is not quite true.] At least in their terms.

The ones that do not wear the headbands have forgotten to fear humans. The others recognize anyone with a headband as one of their own. [they sense family, feel safe. he glances over at blue's wrist quickly, brows rising.] You've chosen to wear it on your wrist? Your ribbon, that is.

Ah, yes... [he looks down to it with a thoughtful expression, turning his hand. to see where it was knotted.] I hope that is alright; it is easier for me to tie if I can see the item, work with it through telekinesis... I can't always ask Yzak or others to tie it for me.

The wrist is perfectly acceptable. [it is but then blue elaborates. there's a distinct moment of shock, which shifts into amusement that leaves xichen before his face melts into a smile.] Have you been asking others or has it been mostly Yzak tying it?

[curious, still amused. he'll have to tease yzak about all this, given the hard time he gave him about not being untoward with his sister. he cannot help a soft chuckle then.]

[blink. what was that pulse...?

after a hesitation:] Just him... Is there some protocol for it I don't know? Should I have not done that?

Ah-- It is something you did not know so there is no harm done, nor is it binding but I did not think it would be something I needed to mention.

[he offers an apologetic smile, which doesn't quite temper his amusement but that is not at blue's expense as much as yzak's.] You see, such a practice is part of our marriage rites.

[his smile melds into something a bit more teasing.] During the mission, I had been teasing Yzak about his intentions with my sister... [he chuckles.]

[Blue tilts his head, eyebrows lifting.]

Is that so... [his mouth twitches a bit, prompting him to lift a hand to mask it for a moment.] That must be why...I sensed him fluster so much before I even spoke a word...

Before you spoke a word? [he tilts his head, a bit curious at that. he does offer blue a gentle smile, at the amusement he shows.]

It was only a jest on my part but I did mention it was a bit scandalous to live together unwed. [he had not seriously meant it, no, but it had drawn quite a flustered reaction.]

I had heard murmurings it from the shades of the townsfolk, too... [he shifts some of his attention to the rabbits in his lap who seem to be opting to stick around for a while, lettuce or no lettuce.]

I don't entirely understand it, but...it must have something to do with...how many cling so fiercely to...one or two people alone, rather than others?

Of marriage? [he keeps a brow raised at that, a bit amused.]

Ah. Is there not such a thing in your home? [he wonders then, what is common where blue comes from.]

It's a human process. [he lifts his head and looks over at him.] Humans will apply to wed...in order to become applicants as caregivers for children. It is all regulated by the system, which...determines who is psychologically compatible or not.

I don't have much experience with it...personally.

You can only become a parent if you are deemed fit? [he wonders by what qualifications and for a moment thinks, by that system, his father surely would not have been allowed. xichen thinks he lacked in that aspect, in many.

curiosity gets the better of him.] By what standards?

Ah. [a gentle smile as he pets the rabbit wiggling in his lap. the white fluff ball seems less interested in him and slowly in moving over to where blue is, trying to push a sibling out of his lap to take its spot.] With marriage or all that leads to it? [he doesn't judge, is only curious to learn more about the other man. ]

[he gently shakes his head, attention split by the moving of creatures in and around his lap.]

My people and I... We're not able to engage with society as we are. We'd be caught and killed on-sight. So the goings-on of human ritual...we know it only peripherally, or...what lingers from what we remember before escape.

And those rituals...are not wholly theirs anymore. [his expression gets cloudy, grim.] It is the computer system which determines compatibility, worthiness for marriage, for children...for anything. The system determines where you belong, what you do...even what to think about.

All of it is tainted... All to ensure the complacency of the people. People who...no longer know they are being groomed to complacency. None of it matters to them...because they don't know any better.

Before escape? [there is so little that he knows of who blue is, he realizes and wishes to know more.]

[xichen takes a deep breath at that, shocked but also saddened as he thinks of what that means for those living in that world.

he wonders what happiness can be found in a system like that, so rigid and where things are predetermined. then realizes how much it mirrors his own, here so much is defined by where you are born and who you are. there is no computer doing the work there, no, but years of tradition that no one aims to break.

many, including himself, even fought to defend it. there is blood on his hands over that, staining them a deep red.] And are they happy in the system? Or does that not matter in the system most are in?

How can you know any different? [he looks over.] When...all you've known...is this one way. People...still find things to live for, to make them happy...even when they don't know what is obscured from them. Right?

That is very true... [like welford, like he had once been. people are content with their false realities when they do not know they are falsehoods.]

We are all limited to what we know, in the end, that is no different. [he reaches out for a rabbit who has settled by his side, pets between its ears.] These rabbits only know their meadow and are content with it.

[at that notion, Blue's eyes drift down to the rabbit in Lan Xichen's hands.]

You mean...the ones from your homeland. Your memory.

These...can they really know contentment? They are just figments. [...] Just like...those townsfolk. Their livestock.

Yes, the ones from home.

[these are just a taste of it, a memory of something he misses and will not have unless he gives up on changing his regret.] If their creator says these are content, are they not content? [xichen shakes his head.] That was Ford's thinking, wasn't it?

The logic makes sense. After all...these creatures...they're inspired by your own presence here. [looking back to him:] So it is really you...who is consoling me this way.

Thank you, Lan Xichen.

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calmness - 2022-04-07 17:43 (UTC) - Expand

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