[open] it's okay to be afraid

[bossily]

CHARACTERS: Clara Oswald & OPEN
LOCATION: Around the station
DATE: Mid February
CONTENT: General open catchall
WARNINGS: will update as needed



General Pacing;
[The first thing Clara does after coming back from the mission is the same thing she always does. Check in on the people she cares about. Those check ins quickly lead to Clara realizing something that is absolutely devastating. The Doctor isn't here any longer. Or rather, one of him is still around, but the younger of the two is vanished without a trace. She tries to recall the fact the same thing had happened to her months ago, but it's hard to remain calm when her thoughts are racing and all of her worst fears are coming true.

The Doctor is gone, so soon after getting injured on the mission. And she hadn't gotten to say goodbye. She's not ready for this. Not yet. It doesn't matter if she's already lived through his loss once. She isn't ready to do it again. Not until she says it's time.

Her lack of control over everything here spirals out of control, and for the next day she'll be found wandering the corridors of the station in an anxious, frantic state. She doesn't eat, doesn't go shower or get changed. She simply frets and works herself up into a state that has her ready to break into the North Wing so she can go yell at the orb and demand the Doctor's return.]


Simulation Room;
[It's well past the point where any rational person would be sleeping, especially given the physical strain their bodies all have recently gone through. Clara can't sleep with how many thoughts are currently storming their way around her head. So she takes to the simulation room and finds her way back to the planet where her adventures began.

She sits out at the edge of one of the rocky surface, legs dangling over the edge as she watches the old god off in the distance. Her head's tipped to the side as she regards it, hand clutching hold of a giant maple leaf. She's vaguely aware that someone's come to join her, and she doesn't glance their way before speaking.]

Do you really think it's possible that our regrets can be undone?


Infirmary;
[She has friends in the infirmary. People who were injured on the mission, and those that seem to never leave the sides of people who are currently on bedrest there. So she's in and out of the area frequently, bringing deliveries of tea and offers of company. Most of the time she's reading from one of her books, pleased to share her love of literature with them.

But for those that are standing watch over others she often arrives with a snack and coffee on a tray. She's ready to lecture them on taking care of themselves, knowing she hasn't slept in days and could use the lecture herself.]


Mess Hall;
[Clara sits for hours at a table after preparing tea in a little mug. She doesn't drink it, she just cradles the mug in both hands and stares down. Her mind is starting to slow down from sheer exhaustion, but she stubbornly refuses to give in. So she starts to doze off, head dropping downward each time she does. But instead of just letting herself sleep, she keeps snapping awake, clutching hold of the mug tighter. Each time, she only starts to nod off moments later.

Eventually, she does fall asleep, draped across the table. The mug of tea is still in one of her hands.]

Sunlight Room;
[Her hydroponic garden has become her baby. She's grateful for the distraction that it offers her, and the hard physical labor that it provides. It helps keep her mind clear enough to focus on what needs to be done, on pruning and ensuring water supplies are kept level and things are growing properly. There's also the matter of harvesting what's now ready to be picked, something that she's all too pleased to grab the nearest person and drag them over to help with.]

These have a date with the jars I've asked for.

[She explains, holding a small basket of what looks to be strawberries and blueberries.]

You don't mind lending a hand in the kitchens next, do you?


[ooc: Closed prompts to follow in the comments. If you're interested in a closed start, hit me up at trashpanda. Also open to Wildcard options, if you'd like to do something else!]

Comments

simulation room

[aurable]

[ Drift had convinced himself that he could sleep after the others had rested. This...idea that he needed to remain sentinel until everyone else had settled back in had lodged itself somewhere deep in his spark. What wound up happening was several long episodes of listless wandering, which in turn helped no one in the end.

The simulation room had been his last stop of the night. Thinking he would boot up the gardens that McCoy had made for him, only to find it occupied. Clara was alone watching what Drift could only describe as the heat death of the universe in some far-flung corner of an unknown galaxy. It was a devastatingly beautiful and lonely site that he nearly missed her question. ]

I think it depends on the regret. [ Is all he says as he quietly moves to sit beside her. Even seated, he towered over her but not so much now as back planetside. ]

[bossily]

[It's hard to miss the looming shadow of someone like Drift, even if he isn't as tall now. When her hand reaches out to touch at his, she feels even smaller and insignificant given their size difference. Her hand likely can't even be felt, it's so small in comparison to him. That doesn't stop her from wanting the contact anyway.

And while she appreciates his answer, she isn't sure she wants to think about the orb picking and choosing which regrets can be changed. She's sure that's likely the case, and hates it.]

Why did you only ever approach me looking human until now?

[She hasn't seen him since they worked together to save Leonard during the mission. Clara's incredibly glad to see him now.]

[aurable]

[ Contrary to popular belief, Drift's hands were sensitive. Living metal could register touches as soft as whispers as keenly as flesh. He used his hands to speak for him when words were difficult and too easily manipulated. When Clara's hand barely fits around the breadth of his thumb, he feels it. He doesn't shy away for once and turns his palm out for her hand to rest in his with tremendous caution and gentleness.

Her question doesn't come as a surprise, even though Drift has to put on a face pretending that it doesn't make him feel wretched. ]

Saves you the strain of looking up, doesn't it? [ Drift smiles weakly to an unknown reception of his poor attempt at levity before settling on honesty. ]

I never know how I'm going into meeting people — mostly humans. It's sweet when I remind the others of some childhood hero they had or something, but it's exhausting. I'm either a shiny toy to be gawked at or a monster that needs a lengthy introduction and explanation for my own existence. Easier to just...hide.

Closed to Kovacs

[bossily]

[It's in the days after the Doctor returns that life starts to settle into something that offers her time and breathing room to think. Her thoughts are on one thing and one thing only. Getting her contract changed so she can ensure that the Doctors are protected from what will eventually happen to her. If she can ensure that doesn't happen, she can keep them safe from confession dials and going against their moral code for her. Maybe she can find another way to prevent the hybrid, she hopes.

And if not, then at least it's worth a try. She can't continue to be here and not try. She can be brave enough to take on whatever the cost may be. She's ready now.

And it's with that thought in mind that she finds Kovacs exactly where she saw him last. At the infirmary, resting by Marta's bedside. She's kicked him out of that exact spot a few times now, always to spend time with her friend without his looming over them. And while she has a suspicion there's something there between Marta and Kovacs, it isn't awkward for her to approach them while they're together. If anything, she thinks it's a good thing for the both of them. ]

Hey.

[She leans in to press a chaste kiss to the top of his head, giving his shoulder a light shake.]

Takeshi. Can I borrow you for a bit?

[kovach]

[ he's already grown accustomed to napping it off in this chair, usually just managing a few minutes here and there whenever his eyes flutter shut and he ends up dozing off, typically while marta herself is sleeping off the meds on the actual bed. he hasn't been too eager to leave the area too often, feeling a bit of the guilt for having abandoned marta's side back in scorpion's bend when he'd ran off to chase after the bouldersnakes at fault. but occasionally he's been shoved out or sent off to have a smoke (since he gets on edge if he's without one for too long), at times by clara who he's completely avoided explaining why he's so attached to this bed side in the first place.

caught with his fist nudged against his cheek as he leans his elbow against the arm of the chair, he barely feels the kiss pressed to the top of his head, eyes darting open when he earns that slight shake to his shoulder.

he peers up to her, eyes blinking open like he'd barely been asleep at all. looking back to the bed, he notices marta still asleep before he gives a nod. ]

Yeah, sure. [ already, he's standing up on his feet, prepared to follow her to wherever she leads. ]

Closed to Rhys

[bossily]

[It's sheer luck that has a nearly feral Clara stalking across his path. A lack of sleep combined with the determination to tear an orb apart with her bare hands has her prowling outside the northern wing. That's where she spots Rhys, and instead of approaching him with a hug or her usual sort of bubbly nature; she stands rigidly still and looks over at him with glassy, wide eyes.

She's tired of crying. She isn't sure she has any tears left to let fall. The one thing she is sure of is that the Doctor and everyone else here are owed more than what they're being given.

The last moments of the orb in Scorpion's Bend plays through her mind over and over. They had all been playthings meant to amuse. They were pawns, exactly what she's been afraid of for months now.]

You're on your way back to Alina, I hope.

[It cuts off any greeting before one can be given, as she rapidly spins the ring on her thumb around in anxious circles.]

[business]

( he knows something if off by the first glance to clara, and for a moment wonders if his glamour has slipped — sharing a glance down to his body tells him what he needs to know, though. bandages around his shoulder and chest, hidden beneath an oversized t-shirt. magic coloring away the scars, the leftover burns from pulsefire. ( and alina. )

a curious head tilts in clara's direction, eyes squinted as if he's about to encounter a particularly tricky puzzle. the truth behind her words is something he couldn't know if he doesn't go digging through her mind — but the taste of her feelings is something her entire psyche shouts aloud to him, screaming heartbreak, anxiety, pain. something is perilously wrong, though he doesn't need to be a mindreader to know that.

though, it also doesn't hurt. )

Well ... maybe I was looking for you. You don't know.

( in fact, after rummaging the supply drop — rhys reaches up an empty hand, twirling his fingers around with a puff of purple, glittery smoke, and magics a box out from seemingly nowhere. something he'd meant to give her eventually, once he was done hoarding it — though now seems as good a time as any. he thumps his finger against it, before reaching his free hand forward, taking her fidgeting fingers in his and squeezing them. )

Let's go see what the fuss is all about with these, Your Majesty. And you can tell me what's the matter if you like, or I'll find socks to put on a puppet show for you.

closed to the eleventh doctor

[bossily]

[After someone manages to get her back to her room and forces her to agree to rest, the Doctor's been gone for a day. Or maybe it's longer, she isn't sure. Time seems a little less meaningful without him there with her. The months they've been together on the station and out on missions had led to her believing they would have plenty of time to continue living a life alongside one another.

But she's out of time, and he's gone back to let the clock strike twelve. He's gone now, and she's left trying to sort out how to go back to having one Doctor in her life. One Doctor that she loves with her entire heart, one she can't face because she has no idea how to explain why her heart is split into two after going through the second loss of his younger self.

So she doesn't try to explain anything. She just lays in the Doctor's bed, nestled among his ridiculous hat collection. The one that's fez like is clutched to her chest as she cries herself to sleep. She had thought that she was losing touch with her humanity, had been so worried about being brought back to life wrong. But as she lays there and sleeps with remnants of tears in her eyes, she dreams about her adventures with the Doctor and remembers just how painfully fragile and human she is.

And when she hears the sound of someone entering the room, and footsteps approaching the bed, she does the most human thing of all. She cracks open an eye and prepares to bust skulls for intruding on her personal space.

The man she sees standing there when she peeks makes her gasp and sit upright in a hurry. She's still clutching his stupid fez, and has to set it aside. Without much more of a warning, she's edging in on him as an outlet for all her tears and her worry, ready to hit him right on his arm.]

You. You left!

hERE WE GO — ;

[lateness]

Ah, yes. I suppose I did, didn't I?

[ Honestly, the Doctor isn't really even sure what happened. One moment he remembers the Bouldersnakes and the pulsefire and the crew making efforts to close in on the orb and shut the mines down for good — and then he isn't quite sure what happens before he opens his eyes and he's home. He's in his TARDIS and he has the most magnificent adventures, every memory of this place still intact, every kiss he'd shared with Clara, every silly argument he'd had with his older self, every quiet moment with River; all of the conversations and interactions with the friends he'd made here locked into his head. Two wholly separate lives with this face, but the Doctor keeps going.

He moves through space and time, faces down Cybermen through chess and parasitic lifeforms in a bowler hat, and eventually he and Clara find themselves facing down the Church and the Silence.

He isn't even sure what he ought to be feeling right now, only it's disconnected and distant and yes, just a little bit awkward. It's like he has to slot his memories back into place, and for once, the wibbly-wobbly of it is a little disorienting. He twists his hands together, eyes going to this very familiar room before finally landing (again) on Clara.

Clara Oswald, his Impossible Girl. He'd been about to leave her. He can still feel it, the remnants of that power within him ... but it's cooling now, like being here is holding him in some kind of stasis even when he might as well still be a ticking time bomb. He stays where he is, watching as Clara tearfully and angrily begins to approach him, and all he can manage is a soft, hesitant: ]

Hello.

Mess Hall

[morethan084]

[Daisy hasn't slept yet either, having spent a good two hours instead dying her hair because at least her hair was something she had control over.

Daisy heads back to the kitchen to grab something to eat, because she just can't seem to eat enough after more or less starving on that mission. She's already planning in her mind what to eat when she spots someone sprawled across one of the tables. Quickly realizing it's Clara she hurries over to her in a panic before she notices her even breathing.

Relieved that she's just asleep, Daisy reaches out to gently to try and wake her up because there's no way she won't wake up in pain if she keeps sleeping like this.]

Clara?

[bossily]

[She bolts upright, eyes wide as she blinks and peers all around. When her attention finally settles on Daisy, she offers a sleepy smile. ]

Sorry, I must've gotten distracted.

[Or you can just admit you're exhausted and are falling asleep, Clara. There's even a little drool in the corner of her mouth, there's no denying that she had passed out. She at least has the decency to wipe at her mouth with the back of her hand.]

How are you doing, after everything?

sunlight room

[callada]

[Rosinante had noticed the little garden setup, had admired it from a distance for its odd mix of the familiar and the exotic. Being dragged over by Clara is actually a treat, since it means he gets to ask about it, and so he grins as he plucks a bright red strawberry from one of the plants and places it gently into the basket. It's barely larger than his thumbnail, but he's careful.]

Whatever you need, sure. I've never seen a garden like this before you started it up. Don't they need dirt?

[bossily]

[She gives a shake of her head, grinning at the care he takes with things. Of course, he always takes great care with all things that are around him. It's sweet, and she loves that he feels comfortable enough to be domestic in this sort of way with her.]

Newt, Hermann, and the Doctors created a hydroponic garden for me to tend to. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but all they need is water. Just in case we ever run out of food in the supply drops, I want to be ready. I've been growing things for months and months now, and the first batch is ready to be canned to put away for later.

[Which is what they're picking now. There's some cucumbers on vines that need picking next, and she points over to them.]

I think those are ready too.

simulation room

[majorbiotic]

[Clara isn't the only one who can't sleep due to thoughts rolling around in their minds. And she isn't the only one who though to go to the simulation room. Kaidan enters it, pausing when he sees it's already running a program. He recognizes Clara and approaches her.

He stares out over the strange view for a moment, contemplating her question]

I don't know if that's the question. I think it's more... should they be undone, and what are we willing to sacrifice?

[bossily]

[Although they haven't spoken that often, Clara's seen him around the station enough to be familiar with his presence. And his company is more than welcome as she shifts to make room for him in her desolate little simulation.]

What do you think, then? Should regrets be able to be undone?

[The part about sacrifice is a little more heavy and personal. She isn't sure he's familiar enough with her to be comfortable with her asking. But for now, she's content to stick with the more broad topic of regrets in general. They seem to be on everyone's minds here more often than not with each passing mission.]

Sunlight Room

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt had reunited with Clara after the mission with urgency and relief, in that order — which may or may not have culminated in a hug that he'd stiffly returned, though there was no less care in his gaze when he pulled back. And surely, truly, nothing has changed! Newt tries to coax her to eat and drink and rest after the realization that the Doctor was missing; he does the usual small joke and gentle nudging; when things are better, easier, less urgent, he laughs and plays his guitar and casually teases her as he's always had.

But the touch. Touching, it's. There's something about it that leaves him unsettled.

Not just from Clara, but... everyone. He just... would rather people — not.

It's something he can process some other day. Some other week or month. This last one was just too much, and it's easier to push his new impulses out of his head for now. First thing's first: help with Clara's little projects, because it brings him a lot of joy to help her around the station (when he's not manically staying up late and working on 'mad science').]

Y'know, I really wish we had pests, so I could beg Viv for ladybugs. Did you know ladybugs protect crops against pests? You plop a big batch of 'em on a garden and you're gonna have a healthy bouncing baby boy on your hands!

[bossily]

[She had definitely picked up on the difference in his hug during their initial reunion after the mission. But maybe she had just squeezed him too hard, she thought. Or perhaps he was just as exhausted as everyone else. Besides, the way he looked at her was the same as always. So she tried to push any lingering worry for him out of her mind as she let him take care of her.

Not that she made it easy. With all her tears and her moping, she certainly did a lot of clinging. And he definitely didn't seem the same as always when it came to the tactile nature of their friendship.

But surely it wasn't anything to worry about.

Though she's plenty worried as he helps her with her little gardening project, though the only thing she shows on the outside is that she's pleased he's here spending time with her.]

Seeing as how this garden is like my baby -

[She pauses, laughing a little. One of the blueberries she's picked is tossed over at him, as she tries to hit him right on his nose.]

It best stay pest free.

[Oh, Clara can see him asking Viv for the pests just so he can get to have ladybugs around. So he gets fixed with a knowing look that says he will be the first person she comes to see the moment she finds a pest in her garden.]

mess hall

[oiorpata]

[ andy has slept since returning, and now that she's gotten more food in her, the effects of her own malnutrition have largely worn off. healed, like everything else. she's had a shower since the bouldersnake bloodbath and did her nap time in the sunlight room, as is proper. ]

[ she meanders into the kitchen, not entirely sure of the time but wanting a snack and maybe a drink. upon finding clara sprawled out sleeping at the table, she hesitates, not sure if she wants to leave the poor girl alone or if she should gently nudge her to a better spot to sleep. the tea mug has zero steam, suggesting it's been sitting there for a while. ]

[ compassion, ugh, getting the better of her, andy moves and gently sets her hand on clara's shoulder. that'll be a good judge on how deeply asleep she is. ]

[bossily]

[Clara bolts upright at that slight touch. She's not deep asleep, which is a shame, as the dark circles beneath her bloodshot eyes most definitely say she needs a lot of deep sleep.]

Sorry.

[Realizing she's been caught sleeping out in public, she rubs at her eye to try and force herself to wake up.]

I wasn't snoring, was I?

[And now that she realizes this is Andy, who is impossibly cool, she quickly wipes at the corner of her mouth to ensure there isn't any drool there to embarrass her.]

mess hall;

[spoilers]

[ River avoids Clara during the younger Doctor's absence. She can't handle so much restless energy coming from anyone but the Doctor, and frankly, she doesn't like the worry. What good does it do? She'd told her parents long ago the Doctor's death didn't frighten her. It still doesn't. Oh, of course, she doesn't want him to be gone. Not now, not yet. But their lives are long and complicated and he isn't even really hers, is he? Neither of them are. Trust an ageless god to make you feel old.

When she finds her later, well after her husband's return, it's not terribly surprising it's the middle of the night. When River does sleep, it's in short windows. More like power naps, really. She's simply a little better at hiding the exhaustion, just as she'd been better at masking her worry. ]

You should get some sleep. In an actual bed.

[ While somewhat admonishing, her words aren't unkind. ]

[bossily]

[In some ways, Clara appreciates the space that River gives her. She doesn't ever want River to see her at anything other than her best. A part of her is still desperate to earn the other woman's trust and respect. And Clara knows that her hurricane of emotions can be too much for most people to handle. Where River is able to mask her emotions, Clara recklessly lets them pour from her without hesitation or apology.

But in other ways, she resents the fact that she can't just go to River to discuss her feelings on the Doctor being gone. It's not like it's River's fault she can't approach her. But Clara hesitates to do anything other than suffer on her own. Her tears aren't enough to bring the Doctor back. They're also not enough to urge her to seek out River on her own.

In the end, it doesn't really matter. Their paths wind up crossing after the turmoil has passed. Clara's left drowsily peering up at River as she lifts her head off the table.]

I've been avoiding that, actually.

[Real sleep in an actual bed sounds terrifying to her right now.]

pacing;

[bijective]

[The transition from Scorpion’s Bend back to “regular” affairs on the Ximilia has not been an easy feat. If one were to describe the general morale of this crew at this moment, it would likely be somber or melancholy. This isn’t a victory in the most normal of circumstances. A man now walks the barren desert land. Alone. Not knowing what is to become of Welford for years to come. The orb is theirs, but at what cost?

It is one of those scenarios where it becomes immeasurable to calculate.

And so when Hermann ventures the corridors, he is not surprised if no one is all too eager to run about and socialize with one another. Though he can’t help but draw his eyes towards Clara, who has been walking all over the station with no exact destination in mind.

He stops in place, feet and foot of cane planted firmly on the ground, and he calls out her name.]

Miss Oswald!

[bossily]

[She hears his voice and stops in her tracks, wondering if he has a specific need from her. It's either that, or he's looking to tell her to sit down and stop pacing. One of the two. Clara isn't sure she wants to face the second option. But she also isn't sure what someone like her can help him with.

So she slowly about faces and turns toward him, looking his way across the corridor before making her way on over.]

Everything okay, Hermann?

[It's asked in a way that has the corner of her mouth curling upward curiously.]

Closed to Itachi

[bossily]

[She waits until they've been back for nearly two weeks before seeking him out. It's not that she doesn't want to see him, but more that she's been busy with personal things and attempting to stay busy. That, and she assumes he wants his space. But eventually Clara comes to miss his company, and figures dropping by for a visit is in order.

She loads down a tray with soup, tea, and a fresh batch of cookies. There isn't anyone out there who hates her chocolate chip cookies. Though he may be the first to insist he doesn't like anything sweet, she thinks.

It's with that amusing thought in mind that she finds herself at his door, balancing the tray in one hand so she can give a quick knock.]

Itachi? [She quietly announces herself, before clearing her throat so she can speak a bit louder.] Are you in?

[blackfire]

（ he had not anticipated visitors in any great number — blue he had invited, but clara is... unexpected.

itachi is accustomed to long periods of nothing but waiting and watching, time spent in idle observation of his surroundings or of people. enduring a few days of convalescence is not difficult. he has set up his room to accommodate for recovery, his makeshift futon spread neatly on the floor, and he's resting on it, leaning against pillows propped against the wall beside his desk. on the desk itself there's a water bottle, blue's little box of dango and little else. his room is a spartan nightmare otherwise — nothing of note that identifies it as belonging to a person. ）

Enter.

（ he performs a seal one-handed, to allow the entrance through the door that would otherwise be warded.

he is dressed in clothing that's soft and loose, a shirt slipped down off one shoulder. his eyes are bandaged neatly, and his expression is perhaps even more inscrutable than normal. ）

Clara-san. （ the smell of those cookies hits him full force, and his mouth quirks faintly at one corner. ） You brought food?