Chuuta Kokonose (age 18) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
asymbiotic) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ximilialog2023-02-19 07:55 pm
asymbiotic) wrote in ximilialog2023-02-19 07:55 pm
open | station nonsense
CHARACTERS: Chuuta Kokonose and OTA
LOCATION: around the station
DATE: after the Die is Cast mission
CONTENT: catch-all log, chuuta's being useful
WARNINGS: not yet will add as needed
i. Kitchen
[It's, of course, the kitchen where Chuuta can be found most of the time. There's a scratch down the left side of his face, from right by his ear to his jaw, and it's probably going to scar even though he's keeping it bandaged up, but he doesn't have any other injuries, there's nothing to keep him from cooking.
So he's cooking. It's probably a good thing after a mission, to come in to the kitchen and find food in the fridge ready to be reheated and eaten, or muffins neatly arranged on a tray to take, or something like fried chicken freshly made and hot. There's enough for everyone. More than enough, really. And if Chuuta's in the kitchen at odd times, in the middle of the night sometimes, or at five in the morning, well, that's just how things are.
He's a little more withdrawn than usual, giving a friendly smile and a hello when people walk in, or pointing out something he's just made to make sure people get a chance to try it, but he's not really striking up conversation, and he seems pretty quick to go back to working and listening to the music he has playing through the mp3 player and earbuds he brought from home.]
ii. Generally Around
[He can't keep cooking forever. Not because he can't, but because there is kind of a limit on supplies and even though he's making enough food for everyone, it would be pretty terrible if he burned through everything. So long before that happens, he leaves the kitchen. He's just sort of around, hanging out and working on a crochet project (it's a scarf, something lightweight and red and getting very long). He might be in the sunlight room, or the living area, the sunlight room, or the Ximusic room. He's just around, out of the way, absorbed in what he's doing, not striking up any conversation or causing any problems, just hanging out in the vicinity of other people]
iii. Wildcard?
[[you know how this goes hit me up @![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
hydok if you want anything in particular!]]
LOCATION: around the station
DATE: after the Die is Cast mission
CONTENT: catch-all log, chuuta's being useful
WARNINGS: not yet will add as needed
i. Kitchen
[It's, of course, the kitchen where Chuuta can be found most of the time. There's a scratch down the left side of his face, from right by his ear to his jaw, and it's probably going to scar even though he's keeping it bandaged up, but he doesn't have any other injuries, there's nothing to keep him from cooking.
So he's cooking. It's probably a good thing after a mission, to come in to the kitchen and find food in the fridge ready to be reheated and eaten, or muffins neatly arranged on a tray to take, or something like fried chicken freshly made and hot. There's enough for everyone. More than enough, really. And if Chuuta's in the kitchen at odd times, in the middle of the night sometimes, or at five in the morning, well, that's just how things are.
He's a little more withdrawn than usual, giving a friendly smile and a hello when people walk in, or pointing out something he's just made to make sure people get a chance to try it, but he's not really striking up conversation, and he seems pretty quick to go back to working and listening to the music he has playing through the mp3 player and earbuds he brought from home.]
ii. Generally Around
[He can't keep cooking forever. Not because he can't, but because there is kind of a limit on supplies and even though he's making enough food for everyone, it would be pretty terrible if he burned through everything. So long before that happens, he leaves the kitchen. He's just sort of around, hanging out and working on a crochet project (it's a scarf, something lightweight and red and getting very long). He might be in the sunlight room, or the living area, the sunlight room, or the Ximusic room. He's just around, out of the way, absorbed in what he's doing, not striking up any conversation or causing any problems, just hanging out in the vicinity of other people]
iii. Wildcard?
[[you know how this goes hit me up @
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No, it's fine, it's probably better to stick with more normal flavor combinations. Chocolate and orange are pretty popular, I'll just do that.
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[Says the guy currently fiddling with an orange and idly rolling it around on the counter instead of peeling it.
Anyway, he really can't keep his nose out of this, after seeing how strangely frustrated Chuuta is over this.]
Um... Is everything alright though, Kokonose-san? You seem a little bit... Out of sorts, I suppose.
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He does seem a bit surprised at the explanation, though.]
Oh...! [He frowns sympathetically.] Oh. I see... So. That's the real reason why you're out here baking at such an unusual hour, then...
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It's better than just sitting up at night doing nothing.
But you're up too, are you doing all right?
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I'm doing just fine, but thank you for the concern... I'm still physically recovering from the last mission, that's all. It... Makes sleep a bit of a difficult prospect, sometimes.
[He starts carefully peeling his orange while they talk, setting little bits of fruit skin aside on the counter.]
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[Seriously, last thing he wants is to be fussed over even more.]
The infirmary staff are doing what they can for me, it's just... Well, one of those dremnin fellows got me in the arm, [he holds the arm in question up, pointing to it,] and my body had a particularly strong reaction to the poison from it. So it's really just managing the lingering pain from that.
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[Thanks Kazuma, and anyone else he's gotten a lecture from at this point.]
Of course, I agree. Professor Mikotoba happens to have a lot of expertise regarding poisons, so he was apparently able to engineer an antidote from a sample he took. Still... It wasn't pleasant.
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Yes, we really are…
[But now his mind is wandering back to Chuuta’s problem.]
…By the way, have you considered speaking to the infirmary staff about your sleeping problems? Perhaps they can give you something that will help.
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No, it's okay. It's not that kind of problem. [It's not something that sleeping pills would fix, the dream he keeps having. It's not really a nightmare, it's just a conversation, repeated over and over again. A conversation that never even happened, with a man who's long dead.]
I'll get over it.
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[He might not even bother pushing the matter past that, normally... But now he's curious? And unfortunately, Ryunosuke is actually a pretty nosy little shit.]
I never really considered before, that there could be different 'kinds' of problems relating to nightmares... What exactly is so different about your condition?
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It's just that there's something I'm thinking about, and it's kind of keeping me up at night.
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Ahhh... Right. That makes more sense.
Well. What is it that has you thinking so hard you can't sleep, then?
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And then...]
Do you think that we're all terrible people? [He just says that straight out. And then he doesn't stop talking. It's not all in a rush, it's slow and measured as he thinks out loud.]
I mean, we're all trying to fix something we messed up. And I don't know about you but my personal goal in that last mission really sucked, but I did it anyway. But if that makes me a bad person I guess I have to become a bad person, because the thing I'm trying to fix is just that important. But I knew a person like that once, he was the sort of man who made a lot of enemies because he was willing to do anything for his goal, and I thought he was terrible but I kind of respected him at the same time, because he hurt people but in the end he died because his goal wouldn't have been accomplished without his death, and you have to respect someone with that kind of commitment. I keep seeing him when I try to sleep, and in my dream he always tells me I made the right choice, but when I wake up it's like waking up from a nightmare.
Sorry it took me a bit to get this one back TToTT
By the time Chuuta is done, his frown has deepened quite a bit, and his eyebrows are raised slightly in surprise. He doesn't look disapproving... Troubled, yes, maybe, but mostly thoughtful.]
...Well I can certainly understand why something like that would keep you up at night.
[Kind of an understatement; he's still trying to sort through everything conveyed just now, and it's a lot of information without much context. He sighs, casting his gaze away for a moment, and decides to focus in on the parts he heard that pinged his attention the most.]
I've also met a man like that: one who was willing to do just about anything to achieve his goals.
[Well... He's known several men like that, really, but he's thinking of one in particular right now. Ryunosuke's expression hardens, and he shivers slightly, recalling his face.]
Perhaps this is a bit presumptuous of me to say, since I don't know the full story, nor do I know the man you're speaking of. But personally, I couldn't find much to admire in someone like that. Someone who is willing to hurt people, and blur the line between right and wrong for the sake of their own ambitions...?
It doesn't matter if the end goal is beneficial, or even selfless. If getting there requires harming innocent people, or tearing lives apart... I'd say at that point, it's probably worth re-examining whether that goal is truly as important as you think it is.
totally okay!!
I know-- [He doesn't look over. He stares down at his hands, where they grip the edge of the counter.] I know that I'm being selfish. I know I'm just trying to make it so I'm not always suffering.
[There's a hollow emptiness in the back of his head that he tries to fill with work, with school, with turning up his music so loud that it hurts his ears sometimes. There's a memory of a goodbye he never wanted to say, blurred at the edges with how much he wants to forget it, that's burned into his heart. He doesn't know if he can live with himself if he has to hurt anyone else to fix it. He knows he couldn't forgive himself for having the opportunity to undo his failures and giving up just because it was hard.]
But it would help so many other people. There has to be a limit, right? If you have to hurt one person to save a hundred people, that would be worth it, wouldn't it? Or a thousand people, or ten thousand?
It's not that I want to hurt anyone, [he doesn't want to hurt anyone, he doesn't want to be the villain] but if it benefits more people than I could ever hurt, then it's got to be worth it in the long run.
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Kokonose-san, are you... Really in such a position? That the thing you are hoping to undo... It would impact thousands of people?
[He comes from a much less complicated time. A single decision having such a wide reaching impact... That sounds like the sort of thing that only a king or an emperor would ever have to deal with. Any leader, making a decision that changes the course of the lives of all his followers. Chuuta doesn't strike Ryunosuke as one of those people, though... And so this sounds like a wild hypothetical, which is not the sort of thing Ryunosuke really likes to trade in.
But, he's also been here long enough at this point that he understands: there are worlds out there, worlds other orbers hail from, where things work very, very differently from his own. So he has to ask first. He doesn't want to make any assumptions about what Chuuta is dealing with, back where he comes from.]
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Sorry. [This conversation would be like if he tried to talk to Tateyan about it, he's dragging a normal person into problems they can't understand. It isn't fair to them. There's a reason he doesn't talk about things like this with anyone, it's just shoving his problems into people who shouldn't have to deal with them.]
You didn't come here to listen to me be gloomy about weird things.
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He's quiet a moment, then continues on like he doesn't even hear Chuuta's attempt to deflect from the subject.]
Well... If those are the sort of stakes you're dealing with, I can absolutely see why it would weigh on your mind so heavily.
[...It's silly, but he's realizing now that he's been under this impression that most orbers were here to try and undo things that were... Well. Small, in terms of their overall impact. Which is a rather close minded way for him to be thinking, in retrospect.]
For a burden of responsibility that great... I can't tell you where the line is. The one that marks the boundary between a sacrifice being 'worth it' or not. But I will say that whatever you do, I think it's vital that you continue to not downplay the cost incurred by your decisions. Even if you want to shield yourself from how horrible it feels...
[He's still rolling the orange around, which is starting to become very soft from his continued worrying at it while he muses on.]
...Or I guess, to put it another way: Hopefully we're not sacrificing lives here, but... Say we had to. Let one person die. Even if it did wind up saving the lives of thousands in exchange, that's still a life lost, and that's still a terrible price to pay. Acting strictly as if it's a transaction, as if the success cancels out the loss? I think that's where the balancing act starts to fail. It's where you risk becoming more of a monster-- someone who is willing to throw away anything to get what he wants-- instead of a man who has to make difficult decisions.
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Ah...! No, you're right, of course. S-sorry... [He sighs, rubbing his forehead.] ...Kokonose-san. I don't know how or why you wound up being the one to bear this responsibility, but... I am very sorry you have to carry such a burden.
I guess what I was really trying to say before is... It's good, to not want to bring harm to others. And as long as you're still stopping and asking yourself those questions, and wondering if such harm is truly necessary? I think you can be confident that you are, at least, not a completely terrible person.
[He caps that with a sort of goofy and hopefully reassuring smile.]
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