open | station nonsense

[asymbiotic]

CHARACTERS: Chuuta Kokonose and OTA
LOCATION: around the station
DATE: after the Die is Cast mission
CONTENT: catch-all log, chuuta's being useful
WARNINGS: not yet will add as needed



i. Kitchen
[It's, of course, the kitchen where Chuuta can be found most of the time. There's a scratch down the left side of his face, from right by his ear to his jaw, and it's probably going to scar even though he's keeping it bandaged up, but he doesn't have any other injuries, there's nothing to keep him from cooking.

So he's cooking. It's probably a good thing after a mission, to come in to the kitchen and find food in the fridge ready to be reheated and eaten, or muffins neatly arranged on a tray to take, or something like fried chicken freshly made and hot. There's enough for everyone. More than enough, really. And if Chuuta's in the kitchen at odd times, in the middle of the night sometimes, or at five in the morning, well, that's just how things are.

He's a little more withdrawn than usual, giving a friendly smile and a hello when people walk in, or pointing out something he's just made to make sure people get a chance to try it, but he's not really striking up conversation, and he seems pretty quick to go back to working and listening to the music he has playing through the mp3 player and earbuds he brought from home.]

ii. Generally Around
[He can't keep cooking forever. Not because he can't, but because there is kind of a limit on supplies and even though he's making enough food for everyone, it would be pretty terrible if he burned through everything. So long before that happens, he leaves the kitchen. He's just sort of around, hanging out and working on a crochet project (it's a scarf, something lightweight and red and getting very long). He might be in the sunlight room, or the living area, the sunlight room, or the Ximusic room. He's just around, out of the way, absorbed in what he's doing, not striking up any conversation or causing any problems, just hanging out in the vicinity of other people]

iii. Wildcard?
[[you know how this goes hit me up @ hydok if you want anything in particular!]]

Comments

[asymbiotic]

[Chuuta doesn't answer for a long moment, turning to sort of mess with some stuff on the counter, like he's straightening up a little bit but entirely ineffectively.

And then...]

Do you think that we're all terrible people? [He just says that straight out. And then he doesn't stop talking. It's not all in a rush, it's slow and measured as he thinks out loud.]

I mean, we're all trying to fix something we messed up. And I don't know about you but my personal goal in that last mission really sucked, but I did it anyway. But if that makes me a bad person I guess I have to become a bad person, because the thing I'm trying to fix is just that important. But I knew a person like that once, he was the sort of man who made a lot of enemies because he was willing to do anything for his goal, and I thought he was terrible but I kind of respected him at the same time, because he hurt people but in the end he died because his goal wouldn't have been accomplished without his death, and you have to respect someone with that kind of commitment. I keep seeing him when I try to sleep, and in my dream he always tells me I made the right choice, but when I wake up it's like waking up from a nightmare.

Sorry it took me a bit to get this one back TToTT

[locumstudentesquire]

[Being a lawyer, talking is more or less Ryunosuke's trade. One of the things that makes him good at it, though, is that he also excels at listening. He sits there quietly while Chuuta muses, not even fussing with his orange, really. He doesn't even try to answer the initial question; he just sits there, frowning, but all ears.

By the time Chuuta is done, his frown has deepened quite a bit, and his eyebrows are raised slightly in surprise. He doesn't look disapproving... Troubled, yes, maybe, but mostly thoughtful.]

...Well I can certainly understand why something like that would keep you up at night.

[Kind of an understatement; he's still trying to sort through everything conveyed just now, and it's a lot of information without much context. He sighs, casting his gaze away for a moment, and decides to focus in on the parts he heard that pinged his attention the most.]

I've also met a man like that: one who was willing to do just about anything to achieve his goals.

[Well... He's known several men like that, really, but he's thinking of one in particular right now. Ryunosuke's expression hardens, and he shivers slightly, recalling his face.]

Perhaps this is a bit presumptuous of me to say, since I don't know the full story, nor do I know the man you're speaking of. But personally, I couldn't find much to admire in someone like that. Someone who is willing to hurt people, and blur the line between right and wrong for the sake of their own ambitions...?

It doesn't matter if the end goal is beneficial, or even selfless. If getting there requires harming innocent people, or tearing lives apart... I'd say at that point, it's probably worth re-examining whether that goal is truly as important as you think it is.

totally okay!!

[asymbiotic]

It has to be worth it at some point. [Chuuta says, like he's trying to be convincing, to convince himself.] It has to be.

I know-- [He doesn't look over. He stares down at his hands, where they grip the edge of the counter.] I know that I'm being selfish. I know I'm just trying to make it so I'm not always suffering.

[There's a hollow emptiness in the back of his head that he tries to fill with work, with school, with turning up his music so loud that it hurts his ears sometimes. There's a memory of a goodbye he never wanted to say, blurred at the edges with how much he wants to forget it, that's burned into his heart. He doesn't know if he can live with himself if he has to hurt anyone else to fix it. He knows he couldn't forgive himself for having the opportunity to undo his failures and giving up just because it was hard.]

But it would help so many other people. There has to be a limit, right? If you have to hurt one person to save a hundred people, that would be worth it, wouldn't it? Or a thousand people, or ten thousand?

It's not that I want to hurt anyone, [he doesn't want to hurt anyone, he doesn't want to be the villain] but if it benefits more people than I could ever hurt, then it's got to be worth it in the long run.

[locumstudentesquire]

[Ryunosuke is really frowning now, concern written all over his face. He cocks his head at Chuuta uncertainly, really mulling that logic over.]

Kokonose-san, are you... Really in such a position? That the thing you are hoping to undo... It would impact thousands of people?

[He comes from a much less complicated time. A single decision having such a wide reaching impact... That sounds like the sort of thing that only a king or an emperor would ever have to deal with. Any leader, making a decision that changes the course of the lives of all his followers. Chuuta doesn't strike Ryunosuke as one of those people, though... And so this sounds like a wild hypothetical, which is not the sort of thing Ryunosuke really likes to trade in.

But, he's also been here long enough at this point that he understands: there are worlds out there, worlds other orbers hail from, where things work very, very differently from his own. So he has to ask first. He doesn't want to make any assumptions about what Chuuta is dealing with, back where he comes from.]

[asymbiotic]

[He stops, because oh, he forgot, he forgot there might be normal people here, might be people who didn't have things like millions of lives hanging on their mistakes. Someone with a regret that just changed one thing, maybe saved one person, maybe didn't even save anyone.]

Sorry. [This conversation would be like if he tried to talk to Tateyan about it, he's dragging a normal person into problems they can't understand. It isn't fair to them. There's a reason he doesn't talk about things like this with anyone, it's just shoving his problems into people who shouldn't have to deal with them.]

You didn't come here to listen to me be gloomy about weird things.

[locumstudentesquire]

[...Alright, if he isn't going to confirm or deny, Ryunosuke's just going to take his lack of response as a 'yes'. Just for argument's sake.

He's quiet a moment, then continues on like he doesn't even hear Chuuta's attempt to deflect from the subject.]

Well... If those are the sort of stakes you're dealing with, I can absolutely see why it would weigh on your mind so heavily.

[...It's silly, but he's realizing now that he's been under this impression that most orbers were here to try and undo things that were... Well. Small, in terms of their overall impact. Which is a rather close minded way for him to be thinking, in retrospect.]

For a burden of responsibility that great... I can't tell you where the line is. The one that marks the boundary between a sacrifice being 'worth it' or not. But I will say that whatever you do, I think it's vital that you continue to not downplay the cost incurred by your decisions. Even if you want to shield yourself from how horrible it feels...

[He's still rolling the orange around, which is starting to become very soft from his continued worrying at it while he muses on.]

...Or I guess, to put it another way: Hopefully we're not sacrificing lives here, but... Say we had to. Let one person die. Even if it did wind up saving the lives of thousands in exchange, that's still a life lost, and that's still a terrible price to pay. Acting strictly as if it's a transaction, as if the success cancels out the loss? I think that's where the balancing act starts to fail. It's where you risk becoming more of a monster-- someone who is willing to throw away anything to get what he wants-- instead of a man who has to make difficult decisions.

[asymbiotic]

It would be a lot easier not to care. [And he knows that's not the takeaway, but he's tired, and--] I'm not a hero. I'm not someone important. I shouldn't have to be making these decisions.

[locumstudentesquire]

[The very serious thinking expression that Ryunosuke has been wearing while reasoning his way through this stuff softens suddenly, his gaze flitting back up to Chuuta.]

Ah...! No, you're right, of course. S-sorry... [He sighs, rubbing his forehead.] ...Kokonose-san. I don't know how or why you wound up being the one to bear this responsibility, but... I am very sorry you have to carry such a burden.

I guess what I was really trying to say before is... It's good, to not want to bring harm to others. And as long as you're still stopping and asking yourself those questions, and wondering if such harm is truly necessary? I think you can be confident that you are, at least, not a completely terrible person.

[He caps that with a sort of goofy and hopefully reassuring smile.]

[asymbiotic]

Yeah, [he says, and he makes an attempt at returning that smile. He mostly just still looks tired. Does he believe it? Maybe. He'll try to.] I guess you're right.

[locumstudentesquire]

[Trying is all Ryunosuke can really ask of him, or hope for. But he sure does hope for it. He tilts his head slightly, still grinning, but a bit more awkwardly now.]

Hah. Well... I try to be. [Right, that is.] Sorry, if I chewed your ear off a bit there. Sometimes I can get a long-winded... Which has always been the case, but I suppose I can blame it on the lawyer in me now.

[He finally pulls a section off of his abused orange, and pops it in his mouth.]