( home sweet fuck this place - open log )

[cheapbastard]

CHARACTERS: billy butcher + ota
LOCATION: around the station
DATE: a few weeks post mission
CONTENT: return from a canon update
WARNINGS: language, possible violence, mentions of illness/death

01. RETURN

( it's kind of fucked up, ain't it? give him a taste of home and then take it away from him just as he was starting to get settled in and relaxed. fucked up. one minute he's here, the next he's back in his supe infested world and back to his single minded focus on killing homelander.

instead, homelander's still alive, he's got ryan, soldier boy's back in a fucking lab and he's...well, he's dying. he knows that he's dying and he doesn't give a shit at this point. there's still some temp v vials in his pocket and one in his system. there's no need to use it on the station though his eyes flicker brightly before he closes them down and rubs at his temples to get the urge to die off.

when he opens his eyes, he shudders a bit and then shakes his head. this fucking shit hadn't even ben worth it in the end, had it? homelander was alive and he'd lsot ryan. the one thing becca wouldn't want him to do and he'd done it.

that thought's still ringing in his head when he finds his way into the mess hall. the anger rises up like bile in his throat and he punches a wall hard enough that his hand should break. it doesn't. the wall doesn't give either but he feels a little better. )

I need a drink.

02. FLU LIKE AN EAGLE

( it's not all that easy to hide the side effects of this shit but you know who's doing his best? it's billy. most of the time, he dulls the pain with alcohol so you'll find him in the mess ball drinking something heavy and maybe going through it faster than he usually does. but the migraine pounding in his head tends to dampen if he's got something in him and he prefers the intoxication over the pain.

sometimes, you might pass him in the corridors during a particularly bad muscle spasm where he can't even really walk for shit but ask him if he's okay and he'll probably bark at you. he's fine, okay. he's fine.

he's not fine and he knows why he's not fine but he can deal with it. he's got eighteen months, right? plenty of time to try and figure this shit out and not die. or maybe he will die. he doesn't know.

the one thing he doesn't do is visit any sort of doctor or shit because what's that gonna do? let people know what's wrong and then they label him a liability? fuck no. if he can't kill homelander, he's damn sure gonna take the rage out on someone else. )

03. WILDCARD

( for anything else that doesn't fit. if you have questions, feel free to dm this journal or hit me at jortles for questions. billy's been canon updated and he has temporary superpowers including laser eyes and super strength. this comes with a side effect of dying but he's not going to be very open about that to people. the superpowers things might be evident depending on where you catch him, though. )

Comments

corridors!

[homeostatic]

Well, look who it is.

( It's... a vague attempt at being upbeat as he catches up to Billy, walking to get the stiffness out of his own aching joints. )

Thought we'd lost you for a bit. Alright there?

[cheapbastard]

Fine.

( that's one of the biggest lies he's ever told but if he keeps saying it, it'll come true. still, it would be his luck that one of the first people he runs into is a fucking doctor. he straightens up, wincing a bit and shrugs. )

Dandy. You saying I don't look absolutely fantastic?

[homeostatic]

Oh, you look like crap.

( There's mild affection to his assertion, at least.

That wince has his attention, something he zeroes in on, but glass houses and stones or something. )

But that's goin' around lately.

[cheapbastard]

Yeah.

( he makes a face and shakes his head before he straightens, trying to stiff upper lip the shit and glances at bones. )

You included? With the looking like shit.

[homeostatic]

Nah, I'm glorious.

( it's so sarcastic, haha, but he admits a moment later, )

Yeah. I've been better.

02. corridors

[naloxone]

[ the hallways had actually been empty the moment billy had staggered, but the resulting tumble had made enough of a commotion that marta (who'd been in the nearby supply drop room) couldn't help but overhear. she pops her head out to inspect, but the second she sees billy leaning heavily against the wall she is hurrying out, hands already reaching over to help steady him. ]

—Billy. What happened? Are you alright?

[cheapbastard]

Oh, you know.

( no, she doesn't know because he hasn't told anyone. he squints at her and then winces when that just makes his head hurt worse. stupid idea and stupid man.

not that he will ever admit that out loud. )

I thought I'd take a walk. Might just be really fuckin' out of shape.

[naloxone]

[ her eyes are sharp as she watches him, still in his space as he finds his footing, moving to shift back to grant him some breathing room only after she felt certain he wasn't at risk of tumbling over again. ]

A walk's usually where you start when you're out of shape, [ comes her quiet reply. it's obvious by the furrow in her brow that she doesn't believe a word he's saying. ]

Where were you going?

[cheapbastard]

Mess hall.

( he's almost positive that he'd been going in the right direction. he knows he's fucked up and out of sorts but he can't be that bad. he glances down the hall and then over at her. )

That's this way, ain't it?

mess

[ruinously]

[ Dean's not out and about much these days; instead he's holed up in his room with his records, guitar and liquor, which isn't really all that unusual. He can be a bit of an introvert despite all of his bravado, and prefers one on one interactions rather than being in huge groups, especially if he's getting singled out. He works best with just his brother, after all.

And maybe Crowley. Crowley had been a massive pain in the ass, but he'd come through.

Anyway.

He's heading into the mess looking for a bottle, and once he finds it he shuffles over to Billy, sitting down across from him. ]

There you are.

[cheapbastard]

( he knows dean. he knows who dean is and he actually likes dean. but as soon as dean sits down, billy sees someone else's face there and he glares, lip curling a bit. )

The fuck —

( it only takes a second for realization to slam into him and he sighs, shoulders slumping. )

Dean. You're Dean.

[ruinously]

[ Well that is sure a reaction. ]

Nice to see you too, man.

[ He's just drinking straight from the bottle, as you do. ]

Last I checked, yep. Still Dean.

[cheapbastard]

Fuck, you just —

( startled him. he rubs a hand over his head and tips the bottle back, taking several long pulls from it. )

Never mind. Straight from the bottle, huh?

01

[aurable]

[ Drift was a loner by circumstance not by choice. Back home, he hadn't been popular with good reason. It was only in the last few centuries the temperature in the room didn't drop to something subarctic when he walked in. Not the ideal for someone who had longed for belonging since he had been discarded in the gutters a lifetime ago. Enough that he had contorted himself into different people time to fit in.

— He knew he was a little clingy when it came to the few connections he had. The same way someone who drank before noon knew there was a problem, but it hadn't hobbled them yet, so there was no point in changing tune. It was why when he hadn't seen Billy around for a few days, he hadn't been crawling up the walls with worry. Billy was, well, Billy and thinking he had gone off to some corner to practice scowling wasn't beyond the pale.

When those days had started to multiply, and Yennefer made an off-the-cuff comment about enjoying the peace and quiet, the worry had begun to creep in. Panic hadn't set in, but a restless unease threatened to spill over into that territory. Setting Drift off into pacing around the station without direction.

So forgive him when he wanders into the mess, and his voice hitches with a surprised, ] Billy!

[cheapbastard]

( billy hadn't really expected anyone to show up so when drift does, he startles a bit, turning around and feeling a wave of dizziness hit him. he reaches out and brace himself against the wall while he tries to hold back the urge to throw up. )

What?

( he shakes his hand out even if it doesn't hurt. he stares at drift once he gets his stomach to stop roiling and leans against the wall. )

You look like you've seen a fuckin' ghost.

[aurable]

[ Drift flinches with the sort of contrite alarm like he wasn't an eight-foot tall robot clocking in at just over at over a ton. ]

Sorry. You've just been...off the grid for a while.

[cheapbastard]

Yeah.

( yeah, that...he knows. he rubs at his face and then leans back against the wall, feeling some exhaustion creep in. )

Apparently, I went home for a bit. I think that's what happened. I was here and then I wasn't and then I fucking was again.

Wildcard Corridors - as discussed

[unclesam]

[ Sam's on his way to the training room. He doesn't sleep much these days, throws himself into various kinds of work. Easier than confronting what's wrong with you in other regards, and Sam has always accidentally ascribed to the philosophy of 'do as I say, not as I do' when it comes to mental health and selfcare.

Running into someone else on the way there isn't anything unusual, and he's opening his mouth to throw out a greeting when he gets a split second warning that something is wrong. Something glows, Billy looks about ready to explore, and Sam brings up the shield on mere instinct. The fact that he as the wherewithal to angle it a bit is what means the laser beams shooting from Billy's eyes impact the shield and get redirected into the wall instead of right back into Billy.

There's a long moment of silence before Sam's racing heart calms down a bit again and he glances over the rim of the shield, eyes wide with disbelief. ]

Shit... man, you okay?

[ Because... yes. Sam is more concerned about Billy's condition than he is upset about nearly being sliced in half. That's just how he rolls. ]

[cheapbastard]

I'm fine.

( yes, he's lying and he knows he's lying but he can't stop himself. he doesn't want anyone to know about this and pity him or try and comfort him. he doesn't need that right now. he presses a hand against his head and shuts his eyes because he can feel the power lance through him again.

he thinks he has them under control but when he opens his eyes, another blast shoots out and arcs towards sam.

he'll apologize later. maybe. )

[unclesam]

Yeah, I can...

[ Shit - shitshitshit.

Sam ducks just in time, lets the blast hit the shield. Feels the intense flare of heat from it and makes a mental note to send Shuri flowers one of these days. Just all the flowers. Because yeah, he's pretty sure this would slice him in two otherwise.

The fact that it doesn't slice the entire goddamn station in two is a miracle Sam's just not going to question further. Orbs gotta be good for something, right. ]

... see that, for fuck's sake. The hell is going on with you?

[cheapbastard]

( if billy meant to do any of this, he'd be pretty fucking pleased with his aim but this is just complete lack of control and not being strong enough to control it.

he closes his eyes tightly and clasps a hand over them, pressing up against a wall to keep himself balanced. )

New powers. Giving them a bit of a test drive. Guess I'm not that great with them yet.

( that was kind of a half truth, at least. )

02.

[oiorpata]

[ did someone say drinking to cope?? ]

[ she frequents the kitchen often enough that she saw billy chugging away earlier, but she hadn't thought much of it - she does the same thing, just usually not in the actual kitchens. besides, she knows billy drinks too, it was nothing out of the ordinary. ]

[ andy is leaving the mess hall with her own bottle (vodka) when she turns the corner just in time to see billy's spasm and freeze up in pain. that part's a little more unusual. ]

That's a new drunk move.

[cheapbastard]

What can I say, I'm an innovator.

( billy turns to look at her, making a face before he tries to focus on what just happened to his goddamn stupid body. it was hard to hide the fact that he wasn't sick when he was constantly acting sick because of his shitty body.

he licks his lips and takes a breath before he turns around. )

Feel free to steal the move if you're so impressed. I won't mind.

[oiorpata]

[ she'd be hard pressed to say she's deeply concerned, but it is peculiar enough to keep her attention. she'll linger at least as long enough to make sure it doesn't happen again. ]

I'll pass. It looks more painful than I'd like to try. You good?

[cheapbastard]

As I ever am.

( which was kind of shitty, mostly. he rubs a hand over his face and coughs a few times. )

Took a trip home. Ever done that shit while you're here? Kinda jarring.