Clara Oswald (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bossily) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ximilialog2021-10-23 01:41 pm
bossily) wrote in ximilialog2021-10-23 01:41 pm
open ; catch all for October
CHARACTERS: Clara Oswald & OPEN
LOCATION: Around the station
DATE: 10/17-10/21
CONTENT: Clara pops back onto the station after a canon update
WARNINGS: Mentions of death
I. Twice Returned
[Time is such a funny thing, really. In her time spent traveling with the Doctor, she's come to understand that it can be such a meaningless thing. Except for when it's important. And in the series of events that have just unfolded for her, time feels incredibly important. Vital, even.
The thing is, she remembers being on the station before. Remembers her friends there, and the missions. And she remembers the orbs. It had all been one big adventure before. But then she was sent back, gone in a blink of an eye. For those close to her, it's not likely they even will notice she's gone. For her though, time passes more slowly. Hours turn to days away, and days to week. Before she knows it, years have passed. Time spent aging and growing, developing into a different person. Clara Oswald has a home on Earth maybe, but she no longer feels the same sort of attachment to it that she once had. With the loss of Danny Pink and the intensity of her connection growing stronger with each adventure after, Clara's left more and more of her life on Earth behind.
Sure, it's fine to tap in and out of London to check in on people like Rigsy. People who are friends. People who -
Well, people who Clara's willing to die for. Her reckless streak has finally caught up to her in the form of a chronolock. One that's recently taken her life. Or maybe it took her life billions of years ago, things are a bit fuzzy at the moment. She recalls coming back, recalls learning the Doctor spent billions of years in a personal hell because of her dying. She recalls stealing her own TARDIS, recalls making the one person she loves more than anyone forget everything about her.
She had done it for his own good, and the good of the universe. It's a bit hard to justify staying together when you know an entire prophecy was written as a warning to keep you apart. It won't do to have their relationship bring on the hybrid.
Which is exactly why she's confused as she's pulled back into the station and has to try and sort things out. Is the Doctor still here, she wonders. Have billions of years passed here too? Only a few days? Weeks?
Time had started to feel meaningless for her.
That was before the raven swooped in and changed everything.
Now it feels increasingly important to pinpoint exact moments in time. Her fingers press against the inside of her left wrist as she slowly navigates the hallways. There's a heartbeat there. But there shouldn't be. When she bumps into someone as she walks she owlishly blinks up at them, her fingers slipping away.]
How long has it been since the last mission?
II. Sunlight Room
[For those that know her well enough, it's easy to tell that something is a little off. She looks a little older in her face, her eyes holding a maturity that she had previously been lacking. She's seen and been through so many things in her time away that being back here almost feels surreal. It doesn't feel like it should be possible.
But she's the impossible girl, or at least she once had been. She knows from experience that anything is possible. Usually she's the one forcing the impossible to happen. There's almost something comical about the fact that she finally was in full control of her own destiny. She had the ability to be the Doctor in her own right, traveling whenever and wherever she wanted. She could face her death when she was ready and go back to it the long way around.
She finally had all the control she wanted, only to have it torn away from her again. But she knew now she had a distinct purpose for being here. She couldn't remember her regret from before, but knew that it couldn't be as important as the one she wanted to undo now. She would do whatever it took to protect the Doctor. Even if it meant rewriting time itself.
She stands in the sunlight room, head tipped so she can peer up at the artificial light. It's almost like she's looking for something. She hears the sound of someone walking past and reaches out to grab hold of their hand. There's no words at first, no sign of what she wants. Really, she's just desperate for some kind of contact right now. A reminder to anchor her to the reality of being back and having a purpose again.]
Do you think this station had a purpose before we all arrived here?
III. Kitchen
[Apparently coming back to life and getting her heartbeat back means that the threat of being caught between her last heartbeat and death doesn't have to be an immediate threat. What is the immediate issue is that no amount of food seems to be enough. Clara's typically anxious over the amount of supplies on the station and worrying about whether or not everyone has enough. She started her hydroponic garden to help ensure the children have plenty to eat. But now that concern is far from her mind as she camps out in the kitchen and eats.
She spends hours grazing her way around the kitchen, only pausing when she catches sight of someone else entering. Her mouth is usually full when this happens, and she swallows what's in her mouth to try and awkwardly smile.]
Right, so...I can explain.
[She still thinks supplies are an issue and she should apologize for just stuffing her face this way.]
IV. Personal Quarters - closed close CR
[Clara spends as little time as possible in the room she shares with the Doctor. She finds herself not really wanting or needing to sleep those first handful of days back, only getting some catnaps here and there around the station. But when she finally feels disgusting and in ready of freshening up, she makes her way back to her quarters at long last.
After cleaning up and getting a change of clothes, she spends an extraordinary amount of time looking in the small mirror hanging on the wall by her bed. Typically her ego doesn't see any issue with admiring her reflection. Her purpose for looking today has little to do with how amazing her hair looks or how on point her eyeliner is. No, she's far more concerned about something else. It's easy to pretend like she hasn't been gone at all with the others. When it comes to the Doctor...well, she has her concerns. He'll be able to tell she's different immediately, just from the look in her eyes.
But it's the number that's tattooed on the back of her neck that she's worried about. Is it even still there? Clara gathers up her short hair to lift it up and turn in a way she can look at what she's afraid will be there. And sure enough, the numbers 001 are there, taunting her. There's no escaping the chronolock. Even here in another dimension and possibly even another universe entirely it follows her. It's a reminder of what she has waiting for her. Of what she has to hide from the man that's willing to tear the fabric of the universe apart if it means protecting her.
No matter what happens, the Doctor can never know her fate.
She's so caught up in her thoughts that she doesn't hear the door open at first. Her close friends know they're always able to just come inside, and it's likely the Doctor could pop back in as well. As soon as she realizes she's not alone her hair is dropped, hopefully masking any sign of the fact she's marked with a permanent countdown. She forces a smile, though it doesn't quite meet her eyes. She's able to keep her tone as fond and teasing as ever, which is a win. Banter is exactly what she needs to cheer up right about now.]
Let me guess. You want me to come see something you've done that shows how amazingly clever you are?
LOCATION: Around the station
DATE: 10/17-10/21
CONTENT: Clara pops back onto the station after a canon update
WARNINGS: Mentions of death
I. Twice Returned
[Time is such a funny thing, really. In her time spent traveling with the Doctor, she's come to understand that it can be such a meaningless thing. Except for when it's important. And in the series of events that have just unfolded for her, time feels incredibly important. Vital, even.
The thing is, she remembers being on the station before. Remembers her friends there, and the missions. And she remembers the orbs. It had all been one big adventure before. But then she was sent back, gone in a blink of an eye. For those close to her, it's not likely they even will notice she's gone. For her though, time passes more slowly. Hours turn to days away, and days to week. Before she knows it, years have passed. Time spent aging and growing, developing into a different person. Clara Oswald has a home on Earth maybe, but she no longer feels the same sort of attachment to it that she once had. With the loss of Danny Pink and the intensity of her connection growing stronger with each adventure after, Clara's left more and more of her life on Earth behind.
Sure, it's fine to tap in and out of London to check in on people like Rigsy. People who are friends. People who -
Well, people who Clara's willing to die for. Her reckless streak has finally caught up to her in the form of a chronolock. One that's recently taken her life. Or maybe it took her life billions of years ago, things are a bit fuzzy at the moment. She recalls coming back, recalls learning the Doctor spent billions of years in a personal hell because of her dying. She recalls stealing her own TARDIS, recalls making the one person she loves more than anyone forget everything about her.
She had done it for his own good, and the good of the universe. It's a bit hard to justify staying together when you know an entire prophecy was written as a warning to keep you apart. It won't do to have their relationship bring on the hybrid.
Which is exactly why she's confused as she's pulled back into the station and has to try and sort things out. Is the Doctor still here, she wonders. Have billions of years passed here too? Only a few days? Weeks?
Time had started to feel meaningless for her.
That was before the raven swooped in and changed everything.
Now it feels increasingly important to pinpoint exact moments in time. Her fingers press against the inside of her left wrist as she slowly navigates the hallways. There's a heartbeat there. But there shouldn't be. When she bumps into someone as she walks she owlishly blinks up at them, her fingers slipping away.]
How long has it been since the last mission?
II. Sunlight Room
[For those that know her well enough, it's easy to tell that something is a little off. She looks a little older in her face, her eyes holding a maturity that she had previously been lacking. She's seen and been through so many things in her time away that being back here almost feels surreal. It doesn't feel like it should be possible.
But she's the impossible girl, or at least she once had been. She knows from experience that anything is possible. Usually she's the one forcing the impossible to happen. There's almost something comical about the fact that she finally was in full control of her own destiny. She had the ability to be the Doctor in her own right, traveling whenever and wherever she wanted. She could face her death when she was ready and go back to it the long way around.
She finally had all the control she wanted, only to have it torn away from her again. But she knew now she had a distinct purpose for being here. She couldn't remember her regret from before, but knew that it couldn't be as important as the one she wanted to undo now. She would do whatever it took to protect the Doctor. Even if it meant rewriting time itself.
She stands in the sunlight room, head tipped so she can peer up at the artificial light. It's almost like she's looking for something. She hears the sound of someone walking past and reaches out to grab hold of their hand. There's no words at first, no sign of what she wants. Really, she's just desperate for some kind of contact right now. A reminder to anchor her to the reality of being back and having a purpose again.]
Do you think this station had a purpose before we all arrived here?
III. Kitchen
[Apparently coming back to life and getting her heartbeat back means that the threat of being caught between her last heartbeat and death doesn't have to be an immediate threat. What is the immediate issue is that no amount of food seems to be enough. Clara's typically anxious over the amount of supplies on the station and worrying about whether or not everyone has enough. She started her hydroponic garden to help ensure the children have plenty to eat. But now that concern is far from her mind as she camps out in the kitchen and eats.
She spends hours grazing her way around the kitchen, only pausing when she catches sight of someone else entering. Her mouth is usually full when this happens, and she swallows what's in her mouth to try and awkwardly smile.]
Right, so...I can explain.
[She still thinks supplies are an issue and she should apologize for just stuffing her face this way.]
IV. Personal Quarters - closed close CR
[Clara spends as little time as possible in the room she shares with the Doctor. She finds herself not really wanting or needing to sleep those first handful of days back, only getting some catnaps here and there around the station. But when she finally feels disgusting and in ready of freshening up, she makes her way back to her quarters at long last.
After cleaning up and getting a change of clothes, she spends an extraordinary amount of time looking in the small mirror hanging on the wall by her bed. Typically her ego doesn't see any issue with admiring her reflection. Her purpose for looking today has little to do with how amazing her hair looks or how on point her eyeliner is. No, she's far more concerned about something else. It's easy to pretend like she hasn't been gone at all with the others. When it comes to the Doctor...well, she has her concerns. He'll be able to tell she's different immediately, just from the look in her eyes.
But it's the number that's tattooed on the back of her neck that she's worried about. Is it even still there? Clara gathers up her short hair to lift it up and turn in a way she can look at what she's afraid will be there. And sure enough, the numbers 001 are there, taunting her. There's no escaping the chronolock. Even here in another dimension and possibly even another universe entirely it follows her. It's a reminder of what she has waiting for her. Of what she has to hide from the man that's willing to tear the fabric of the universe apart if it means protecting her.
No matter what happens, the Doctor can never know her fate.
She's so caught up in her thoughts that she doesn't hear the door open at first. Her close friends know they're always able to just come inside, and it's likely the Doctor could pop back in as well. As soon as she realizes she's not alone her hair is dropped, hopefully masking any sign of the fact she's marked with a permanent countdown. She forces a smile, though it doesn't quite meet her eyes. She's able to keep her tone as fond and teasing as ever, which is a win. Banter is exactly what she needs to cheer up right about now.]
Let me guess. You want me to come see something you've done that shows how amazingly clever you are?
no subject
First off — rude!
Second...! Okay — okay, but only because mine's probably way shorter. [He gets himself a little more comfortable, which means he's literally gonna shimmy up the bed and roll onto his stomach with his elbows propping him up like a teenaged girl at a sleepover.] Wait, how much did I even tell you about home? I told you I jumped into an alien's mind to learn secrets that would help save humanity, right?
[He's very proud about that, it's clear. Who wouldn't be, c'mon!]
no subject
You might've mentioned that, yeah.
[It's fond as she says it, even as she reaches over to try and swipe the pringles container from his hands.]
no subject
How about the second time I did it with Hermann? Did I mention that? We both totally got top secret Kaiju intel and helped the team kick some major ass! I didn't think Hermann would, but he was — awesome. It was a totally hot move, okay? Don't tell anyone I ever said that.
[You're his one single confidant regarding his secret pining for a posh asocial scientist!]
no subject
You didn't mention that. Sounds like a very romantic date night.
no subject
HEY!
[But ugh, okay, you win. He leans his hand on his cheek and looks pleased.]
Yup! He felt kinda bad sitting out the first try, so we drifted with this other kaiju, one that tried to eat me a few times? But anyway, we drifted. You know what that does to a person? It's... I dunno. It's like you make that first connection, but bigger. He saw a lot, I saw a lot, but — the point is, when you drift with someone, things are just... different.
You can ask Raleigh about it sometime; he's a Jaeger pilot from home that showed up recently. But yeah...! After that, sometimes people who drift together kind of... collect some traits from their drift partners?
no subject
[She laughs in near disbelief.]
Newt, that's wond...wait, no, shut up. [An eyebrow quirks as she holds up a hand. Is that a good thing? And are you trying to say poor Hermann has absorbed some of your less desirable personality traits?
[She's teasing. really. There's a grin on her face as she pops some pringles into her mouth before tossing the can back over to him. He can have the rest. She's not totally heartless.]
no subject
[He's eating a chip like a hamster, just to do it.]
Hey!
Whaddya' mean, less desirable? Every inch of me in bursting with desirable traits!
He came to me the other day, desperate for some junk food. And I'm pretty sure I've heard him call someone dude. And he's less anal about being tidy around the lab.
[... Are these all... desirable traits, Newton...????]
no subject
Clara wonders if any of those are desirable traits. But since this is Newt and she adores him, she thinks they're all precious traits for him to have. It's incredibly hypocritical of her.]
So you're saying he's become identical to one of my seventh year students. Good on you, Newton.
[She tries her best to keep a stern and critical face, but fails miserably. She winds up shifting so she can slouch and lay next to him, turning to her head to make conversation easier.]
Does he know about...you know?
[Your feelings, Newt. Does he know about your feelings for him.]
no subject
It's better than being soft and vulnerable, right? Right.]
No way! My covert operation skills are totally impeccable. He doesn't have a clue. But even if I were the most obvious person in the world, he probably wouldn't have noticed it.
[He slumps into his palms, fingers nearly covering a blush that starts up in his cheeks.]
... We did, like.
Cuddle.
... On a blanket, under a star simulation.
no subject
Sounds like a date to me.
[She feels like her own chance at happiness with someone is long gone by this point. After Danny's loss, she put her entire being into her travels with the Doctor. And no matter what her feelings for him may be, her own tragic ending means she has no right to barge back into his life the way she's doing here.
She's being selfish by even considering it.
So she'll just have to live vicariously through Newt and his love life.]
I'd say I was jealous, but I'm too happy for you to even consider it.
[And that's the truth.]
no subject
[He says it in an attempt to be miffed, but he sucks at it, so he relents:]
But I can totally pretend it was one. [He taps his fingers against his cheek, quiet, like he's trying to decide whether or not he should add to that.] ... Sam told me, back on Braccia... That maybe I should go for it. I mean, he doesn't know who it is; he thinks it's someone back home, but, uh. Anyway. I don't know. I keep going back and forth. It's something to think about.
[He nudges her after a moment. Yep, he's totally gonna speed past that last bit.]
But hey! Tell me about some of your travels! I wanna hear some of the stuff you've done! The whole universe and all of time at your fingertips and all that, right? You said after I said my thing, you'd 'fess up some stuff you've been up to.
no subject
Well, I wound up engaged in a bank heist. And met a mummy on the Orient Express. Um...the one that travels in space. Obviously.
[She carefully selects happy stories to start out with. It's better if Newt thinks she's had nothing but fun, carefree adventures and that everything is just fine.]
no subject
A mummy? Boris Karloff style? He wasn't an asshole, was he?
They always seem to be assholes in movies.
no subject
[She laughs fondly, casually leaving off the part the Doctor also joked about killing everyone else on board the train because only she was worth saving in his eyes.
There's a moment of quiet where she's still, looking down and frowning.]
Newt. Can I tell you something...um...well, let's just call it intense. You wouldn't mind, would you?
no subject
As much as he's excited by the concept of fighting Karloff mummies...]
Something intense? It's not a bad kind of intense, is it?
no subject
It's a bit of a drag, yeah.
no subject
Okay.
... Okay, that's not ideal. But. He steels himself anyway for whatever it may be.
Soulmate friends, yanno? Gotta be there through thick and thin.]
Alright. I'm here, what's the drag?
no subject
[Now's the time.
Time to get out with it.
She can do this.
...only she can't. Panic starts to fill her the second she opens her mouth to talk about her death. She closes her mouth, swallowing roughly.]
I met someone, when I was back home. His name was Danny.
[It's not a lie, but it's not what she was wanting to tell him either.]
no subject
... Doesn't help when past tense comes into play.]
What happened?
no subject
[At the end of the day, it wasn't aliens. It wasn't anything she did. It was just an accident. The next part though, wasn't an accident. It was intentional, and it was all on her.]
And I betrayed the Doctor in order to do whatever it took to bring him back.
no subject
Horrific.
Maybe he should be staring at her like it's horrific. That's not exactly helping anyone here, huh? What am I supposed to say to that? Hell, what's he supposed to say to any of that? Swallowing hard, he considers 'I'm sorry', or 'That sucks', both ends of the spectrum — painfully generic on one side, bluntly inconsiderate attempt at something light on the other — and he settles for a mash-up.]
I'm sorry, Clara, that — fucking sucks.
... What happened with the Doctor, then?
[All the facts first, sitting with her and crying into kleenex later.]
no subject
[As much as that whole period in time wasn't her best, she's grateful she has that to lean on and talk about like it's what's upsetting her. She can look back and talk on it with minimal emotion, almost like it was a couple of lifetimes ago. In some ways, it really was.]
The Doctors that are here don't know about this. Or that Danny even exists. So you'll have to keep it all a secret.
[Time wimey nonsense means having to keep constant secrets from the people that are closest to her. But strangely enough, she seems more emotional over the idea of having to keep secrets from the Doctor.]
no subject
[He smiles sadly, wondering if it'd have made a difference to him either.]
You know I'd never tell anyone your secrets; that'd totally ruin the whole point of a soulmate friend, right? So you don't have to worry, it's totally doctor confidentiality over here.
[But...]
What happened, then? You weren't, uh... able to bring Danny back, or...?
no subject
[She considers leaving it at just that, but Newt would want to know. And she trusts him to know as full of a story as she feels comfortable sharing.]
His body wound up converted into something that was meant to be a monster. The person who did it meant for him to be a weapon. Part robot and part...something that used to be human. Some part of him was still in there in the end though, because he -
[She has to stop, roughly swallowing and looking away.]
He chose to die all over again to protect me.
[She can still remember that last hug, the way his modified metal arm had felt curling around her. She still remembers the ghost of him that she saw for months after. The loss of Danny Pink had been a life altering moment. His second and final death was an act of sacrifice meant to protect her. But it also had set her free from her life on Earth. He was the last chain that kept her returning, the last remaining tether that kept Clara Oswald feeling she had a chance at an ordinary life within her grasp. His loss meant she no longer needed to pretend. She could recklessly throw herself into her adventures with the Doctor, no looking back.
And look where that got her.]
no subject
And while he can't quite understand it, her speaking about a man being converted into a weapon makes his stomach fall into his feet. It feels personal, feels like something that twists his empathy into a complicated pretzel. Swallowing hard, he tries to dismiss it, because it's not important right now.]
... He was a really brave, really smart guy.
He knew what was worth protecting.
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