ximilialog | OPEN - I wanna know who you are

Entry tags:

OPEN - I wanna know who you are

CHARACTERS: The Darkling and YOU
LOCATION: Around the station during downtime
DATE: Every date until the next mission
CONTENT: Meh, Darkling doing darkling stuff- but in space!
WARNINGS: None? Morally grey stuff?

i. Returned. Infirmary

[The transition to the station is less smooth this time, and the Darkling stumbles away from the drop-point, letting go of Alina's hand as he takes an unsteady step to avoid the utter disgrace of falling flat on his face.

What's left of his clothes has been dried out from the heat of Alina's Light, but it's still torn and covered with plaster dust, sticking uncomfortably to his skin and the blood has dried out in to flaky maroon.

He walks slowly towards the infirmary, right hand clenched around his side to stop the bleeding. Once inside, he rummages through drawers and cabinets, pulling out clean gauze, water and alcohol. Needle and thread, in case he needs it, putting it all out in a neat row. Slowly, carefully, because most of his left side feels burned, skin pulled too tight and near-blistering from the Small Science that seared what was left of the poison out of him before the fall through the floor.

The Darkling peels off his shirt, trying awkwardly to reach around on his back where a piece of glass is sticking out.]

Excuse me? If you could just pull on that for me.

ii. The Sunlight room

[The days drag on the station. There's nothing to do, except fall in to his own mind and work on the block that Rhysand seems to think is possible. Unless that too is a trick, another lie to worm his way closer.

The Darkling sits under a tree with the false sun shining on his upturned face, letting it warm him in ways the blankets and the heating of this place never could. It might be a simulation or something equally mysterious that powers it, but the rays are heated against his skin and it's something else to look at other than Kovacs or the pale walls in their room.]

Move.

[And without opening his eyes, he adds a-] please.

iii. Kitchen

[Without a mission, or even a clear goal to plan for, the Darkling drifts through the station, watching the other orbers go about their business. The careless way they might interact, who talks to whom and which rooms people go in to.

There's an idleness to this that grate on his nerves. That makes his skin itch, and he heads off to the kitchen to find something to eat, now that most people seem to have had their fill, thus leaving it mostly empty.

Sliding in to a chair, he grabs the tray of food, stabbing it as if it had personally insulted him.]

iv. Training

[The sense of boredom grows with every day, his body unused to this life. Sitting for long periods of time without anything to plan for, or to do, makes him restless, and the Darkling finds himself in the training room again.

Trying to burn off excess energy by punching a bag that hangs from the ceiling. For once, the Darkling isn't covered from head to toe in black, but has opted for a white shirt and loose dark pants that might once have been pajamas, his hands covered with black leather gloves and sweat making his hair stick up.

Punch after punch, hitting the bag until he's breathless and panting, muscles aching and mind a little less loud in the quiet of the room. When the door opens, he glances over before nodding at the row of weapons.]

How are you with a sword?

v. WILDCARD

[Throw anything at me, as the Darkling is lurking around in the shadows on the station when he's not in his room. Or hit me up at ireth

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Oh, [ He lets out a soft laugh at that. ] No, I can read. Everyone can read, where I'm from. I just meant we don't have many printed paper books anymore, they're all in digital format. Like this.

[ He picks up the tablet, hopefully giving Kirigan a good notion of what he means. ]

It's a children's book, I'm not sure what you were expecting.

[ Okay, it's a bit of a tease. ] Well, you seemed to understand how the vacuum of space works on most organic lifeforms, so what else are you interested in?

Edited 2021-10-20 21:19 (UTC)

Ah. Well, that explains it.

[He looks curiously at the tablet, more electronics that relates however distantly to the things he already knows about. A book, but written with the power of lightning, and it looks very fragile, compared to a proper book.

It's still a peculiar feeling of displacement, of this world being close, but not quite like his own. A feeling of being a second late or missing a step on the stairs. Jarring, yet harmless.

Mostly.]

I had hoped it would be about space. And more than just the deadliness of it. When we arrived- [The Darkling shakes his head] forgive me, when I arrived, the station malfunctioned. The lights went out and the mechanical parts of it stopped.

[The low hum that permeates the station had been eerily silent, the darkness all but complete and with no candles in sight-] If that happens again, how do we start it back up? How do we keep the air from going bad, suffocating us all as we wait.

[ Jim doesn't think it's more fragile, but then he understands technology in a different way. He knows that even if the tablet is destroyed, any information in there still exists and is accessible elsewhere. Plus, it's easier and much safer to have on a ship or station than actual books, and paper production already created enough of an environmental issue in the past.

That said, Jim also vastly prefers books. The smell of them, the feeling of the pages against his fingertips. Reading on a computer or PADD can never compare. ]

I can get you some actual reading material, if you want.

[ Something that's really about space, no children's books or anything. To Kirigan's question, he lets out a sigh, both eyebrows raised. ]

That depends on how much of the station we can access. If it's an issue in the station's computers, we might be able to fix it by looking into them, but if it's mechanical, then we need to really get in there and look around. If it's power-related, though, we'd have to find some kind of power source. There are a lot of things that can make a station malfunction, so we'd need some kind of diagnosis program and a group of people capable of pinpointing where the problem could be coming from, hopefully so we could fix it permanently.

I would like that very much.

[Books. Words, something to fill the days while they wait for the next mission to drop or for something else to happen. He doesn't like being idle, the waiting and the pause without an actual goal to work towards, made it too easy to slip in to his own head. To get stuck in memories and mistakes centuries old.

The Darkling doesn't like being second-guessed, not even by himself. Yet the days here, the longer nights, lend to an atmosphere of introspection.]

About space and travelling out here, if you have them. [He tries to follow the conversation, he is a smart man. Used to make split-second decisions on the battlefield while keeping his long-term goal in sight. He has travelled across the whole world, learned the languages now dead to the world and the ones still in use.

He knows the singing prayers of the Wandering Isles and he can think of ten different things that will impact the growth cycle of wheat. But Jim's explanation of the station is...]

In Ravka, we have music boxes. Beautifully crafted and for every generation, they grow more and more complex. The cogs and knobs and wires inside of them growing smaller and smaller. Until someone made a box that could draw. Little drawings, of birds in flight and a tree in the summer, the hand is sculpted to look like a child's. Every detail of it is perfection. The box is so complex, it cannot be duplicated by anyone.

Yet.

What you mean is, this station is complex, to the point where trying to figure out the problem before it happens, would be impossible.

[ Jim would disagree with him there, but then they are very different people. He would own up to his past mistakes, not try to bury them or act as though they haven't happened; he would feel the guilt too, no doubt, and accept any blame. On the other hand, he does agree that being too idle isn't good either, or delving too much into things of the past. Sometimes the best (or only) solution is to just move on. ]

I do. I'll get them to you.

[ Most are digital copies too, so they're easier to send to as many people as possible. Maybe not as pleasurable as having a real book in his hands, but in this case it's meant to be more practical reading, so it'll do.

Jim smiles a little at the comparison, then nods. ]

All vessels that can withstand space have to be incredibly complex. However, I wouldn't say that it's impossible to predict some of the issues that may come up. We would have to know exactly how this station works, though, have access to all the sections of it, and that's unfortunately not the case right now. Even then, there are always problems that can be caused by external influences, things we can't control.

At the moment, I'd say it's a little like we're stuck inside one of your music boxes, yes. And we can't fix something if we don't know how it works.

[The Darkling nods at the offer. Anything to fill up the hours of waiting, of ruminating about the last mission and about Alina.

Beautiful, bold and glittering Alina, dancing under the lights, with her hand in his and her mouth so very willing.]

Thank you.

[At the mentioning of external influences, the Darkling's eyes snap up to Jim's, brows furrowing.

Because it wasn't just the station, and the similarities to delicate music boxes. It was a ship, drifting in space, with on land in sight and nothing to keep it moored to... anything. Drifting, like a ghost ship through the eternal darkness and that is a little much to take in. That even out here, in this vastness, they were not protected from wayward waves or perhaps, other ships.]

Are there life boats, usually, on stations such as this?

[ Jim understands all too well the need to fill the time. He doesn't really know how to be idle, and restlessness makes him impossible to put up with.

(But also that's creepy as hell, dude. Just saying.) ]

Where I'm from, yes. Ships and stations are equipped with escape pods and a number of shuttles, enough to guarantee the escape of the ship or station's maximum capacity. But here, I haven't seen anything like it yet. [ Worrying in a whole other way. ] It also appears that the airlocks don't work, so even if we had space suits or other forms of leaving, we couldn't get out.

[The Darkling's fascination with Alina was his weakness, the thorn in his side and the bane of his every dream. Her face haunted him, even out here, and thoughts about her are never far away.

Since the slip in Braccia, he doesn't seek her out willingly. Starving that connection forged between them in the making at the heart of the world, as he denies it the sight of her eyes and the feel of her Small Science.]

That is not reassuring in the least. That means, we will be stuck in here, trapped like rats on a sinking ship, should anything happen.

[Frowning, he shakes his head.]

My worries about this station aside, what else do I need to know about space.

I figured you wouldn't want the comfort and reassurance of a lie.

[ Jim would always take the truth over literally any other option. And in this situation, there is absolutely no reason to lie to a grown man who is fully capable of helping in an emergency situation that might call for all hands on deck.

But yes, he fully agrees with Kirigan's assessment, and he shares those concerns. They can't even get out of here in space suits, since the airlocks won't work, and if Viveca can't or won't transport them out of the station should an emergency situation arise, there's every possibility that they would all perish along with the station.

... not at all a horrifying thought. ]

The things I talked about were more related to the day-to-day on a ship, or station. The kind of routine we should keep, how to keep track of time and dates. Dealing with the lack of sunlight, the lack of room that could lead to muscle atrophy, the lack of the same food supplies that might end up in malnutrition. It's not the kind of thing we usually worry on the ships I'm more used to, but here we are much more limited in all aspects of our daily life. Even if we do spend long periods of time away on missions, it's important to keep some kind of pattern, a routine. At least to the average Human, it's the best way to keep both our physical and mental state in peak condition.

You're very perceptive.

[Kind, as well. But the Darkling saw this in the forest on their first mission. The care Jim took in trying to put the monster in front of him at ease. The easily made offer to find more food, even if it was in vain.

On the station, Jim proves as kind as before. But clever.]

I've been in the military for more years than I want to count. [Centuries] I have experience with rationing and training even during down time or the lull between battles. I had assumed that this would translate to this station as well, although, I have to admit - I have not been keeping an eye on the food stores since we arrived.

[The cupboards seemed to hold food, most of the time and he was well versed in going without, when they were empty.]

But I do find it harder to- [no stranger to boredom, the utter lack of stimuli on the station is hard to define yet very mind numbing.] think clearly. I miss sunrises. The wind, the very feel of the dirt, if that makes any kind of sense.

[ Jim smiles, not arguing with that. He's never been one for false modesty, and he knows that he is; perceptive, smart, and above all else valuing kindness and compassion, even with people that may not deserve it. To him, it's never really about deserving, it's just about doing what he believes is right. ]

If it serves of any comfort, there are people keeping track of that, doing inventory regularly of what we have. So if we were to get close to running out of anything, we'd know.

[ At least he has the feeling that those who took up that task are trustworthy; he chooses to believe that they would be honest and open about any issues. There would be no point in keeping it to themselves anyway.

He dips his head in a slow nod at Kirigan's words. ]

Yes, it does make perfect sense. The sterile and artificial environment is often what gets to people the most, that's true even in my own world. I'm afraid there's not much that can help with that, just... habit, I guess. I would say not let yourself get too caught up with the simulated sunlight room. It's easy to get lost in that, but it'll make getting accustomed to the rest of the station all the more difficult in the long run.

Edited 2021-11-11 14:00 (UTC)

[His eyes snap up as soon as Jim mentions the sunlight room. The one place in this whole place that doesn't feel too far from home. The room he's been spending all of his time in, when he's not in the training room exhausting himself to fall asleep or- keeping away from most of the station and its inhabitants out of habit.

A habit worn for too long to be broken by a few short months of floating in space.]

I assume that spending time in the other room, would be equally counterproductive. The room that changes according to your wishes.

[The one place where he could see Ravka again. Or train for a mission, the sights and sounds of distant worlds.

A place to watch the sunset, the purple and pinks bleeding in to darkness.]

You are saying that I will adjust in time. And until then, I should strive to be less miserable about this.

[With a smile, as the Darkling leans back in his chair, watching Jim.]

Fine. You live out here, even when you're not on this station. How do you cope with these endless hours of waiting?

You're perceptive too, so what do you think?

[ Either room, however pleasant they can be, will have the same counterproductive effect. It's a reality that doesn't exist, a construct that's all too easy to get lost in. Whatever their own personal purpose may be here, he does know that diving into those fake scenarios for too log will do nothing but make them lose their focus, their objective.

He shoots Kirigan a small yet understanding smile. ]

I'm sorry to hear you've been miserable here. But... yes, something like that. And I have hobbies, [ He explains. ] I like to exercise, read, draw, watch movies on occasion. I like having sex too, that's a pretty great way to keep busy. Aside from that, I have some scientific projects I've been working on, nothing too serious since I'm not an actual scientist. But I like being around the labs, helping others with their research too. Basically finding ways to make myself useful, here.

That I can stand being miserable for quite some time, if that's what it takes.

[Whatever doubts he might have about this, is covered with bravado and an arched eyebrow. Misery has never tasted like this, stale air and endless hours dragging on until he loses his sense of time and the crystal-clear path to success.]

Some of those might be doable, aside from the training I'm already undertaking. It wouldn't be wise to let ourselves go while we wait for the next mission, with all the fighting we've encountered.

[Hobbies, what are those?]

What sort of research?

Or you could try to find way to be less miserable, that's also a viable solution.

[ Just a suggestion, really, though Jim wonders how interested Kirigan would be in that. Maybe he's just more familiar with being miserable, and it makes it somehow easier because of that.

While it's true that training for the sake of these missions isn't exactly what Jim would call a hobby, it's at least something. Better than sitting around walling in his own misery. So he says nothing to that. ]

The space surrounding us, the probability of multidimensional travel, and the kind of technology and energy sources required to achieve that. I'd love to poke around in the transporter room and the engineering of this station, but I haven't had much luck so far. I might talk to Viveca about it sometime.

Really, now. Being less miserable feels a bit like treason.

[But he lets out a laugh, smiling back because while being less miserable goes against everything that Ravka seems to stand for - the freezing cold and the blistering summers, the starvation and the utter ruination of happiness that seeps in to all of them from the time that they are born in to this world - it also seems far away at the moment. With Jim being closer to kind than cruel.

Drifting between the stars and some days, the Darkling can almost forget what he did to get here and what he might be willing to do, to fulfil his end of the deal they all made.]

Wait, you think that multidimensional travel might be possible, outside of this situation we find ourselves in. Fascinating. That does actually sound very- [the Darkling stops talking, head tilting to watch Jim as some emotion works itself through him. It isn't hope, because all of his hope is selfmade and the sliver that isn't, is Alina. But it is something, bright and warm, blossoming in his chest <.] I would very much like to know more about this, should you find something.

[ Jim smiles a little, if only because Kirigan seems to find some amusement in that thought. He doesn't look so miserable now, and while that may just be a facade, it's still something. At least they're somewhat comfortable here, warm and not starving. And just as importantly, not alone. ]

I know that multidimensional travel is possible, [ He corrects. It's going to be a tough one to explain, but he goes on to try. ]

In the year 2387, two ships were engulfed by a black hole and traveled back in time. One emerged on the day of my birth, in 2233. The second, a smaller vessel piloted by a man I came to know, emerged twenty years later. Through a set of weird circumstances, I met this man on a planet we were both marooned on. He used his unique telepathic abilities to link our minds and show me how he ended up in my time, but in the process he showed me a lot more about his world, his whole life, all the things he'd lived through with... well, with me. Another version of me.

So he showed me that more than once, they did encounter evidence of parallel realities, and even met people from these alternate universes that had managed to make that trip. I guess in a way, you could say I come from one of those parallel realities now, too. Because when those ships traveled back in time, they changed the course of history and thus my timeline diverged from that original one, starting on the day I was born.

[ He lets all that sink in, waiting. Kirigan's bright, but it's still a lot, and he wonders if he'll manage to understand it all. ]

Edited 2021-11-28 15:18 (UTC)

[He swallows back the 'what?' that threatens to just leap out of his mouth, because- everything that Jim just mentioned... is impossible.

Alternate timelines, lives not lived but meeting somewhere in the middle despite all the odds and impossibilities against it. Peter had mentioned something like this on Braccia, weeks ago. Alcohol soaked and pink-cheeked, watching near-naked dancers swaying their hips on a lit stage, but he had mentioned something just like this.

That life was not a wide, open road to walk down. The exhaustion weighing you down as it just kept coming, never ending and uphill. No, life and time was the roots of a tree, branching out in all directions and only your choices to guide you through the mess of it.

Roads not taken, choices you didn't take - it all existed somewhere closer to the Making.

And his sneaking suspicion about undoing his regret-]

What do you think happened to the other timeline, the original one as you called it.

[ Well, the surprise is to be expected. He'd count to see it on just anyone he might tell this story too. But at least Kirigan doesn't seem clueless, it looks like he actually understands what Jim's telling him, how it all happened. It saves him trying and failing to explain the complexities of time travel or black holes.

But the shock lingers, and so Jim waits. He understands that it's a lot of information to parse, to dissect and absorb, and frankly it's not a story that Jim has shared with many people, even those in his own world. Here, he can count with the fingers of one hand how many people know he's the product of a diverging timeline. ]

Well, it's there, [ He shrugs. ] It exists, it will continue to exist. The existence of one reality doesn't erase all the other parallel ones out there, no matter how similar or distant. All the people I've met here so far are proof of that.

[His own newly imagined theories about the promise the station made them, is still in its infancy. Too raw to be let out in to the world, too fragile. But he will think about this, about Jim, as the days will drag on from here.

About choices. The breaking branches of abandoned timelines.

The Darkling smiles, cocking his head to lighten the mood.]

You think that my world and your world might be distantly related? Or, that my world might grow to become like yours. Saints, we have nothing in Ravka that might be capable of flying and it is still a risk simply to venture out on the True Sea. You live in the sky. Everything about your world is- spectacular.

It's very possible that all universes are related in some way, however distantly or closely. I could be from your universe, even, just a very faraway galaxy. In my own universe, we have only explored about one half of our galaxy, that's how big it is. Who even knows what else might exist out there, in the far reaches and well beyond the limits that we have so far mapped out?

[ Maybe a kind of magic like what Kirigan and other people in his reality have exists somewhere; what's more unlikely to Jim is that Humans would have somehow managed to evolve in exactly the same way, even in a completely different world. The circumstances would be too specific for it to happen in the same way. ]

And how large is your galaxy? I'm sorry, but all I know about space, I've had to learn in the past few months. In my country- my would [a small correction, since having to think bigger than just Ravka. Bigger than the borders that he's been defending for centuries.

The World.] we tell stories about the creation of the stars, the tragedies that might have been and we tell ourselves that there is nothing like us anywhere out there in all that darkness. The stories are about as likely as our religious legends, but they are all we have.

But you- you have touched another planet. Saints, you're from another planet and, honestly, all of this is very much not what I was expecting. I didn't expect you to be so- human.

No, it's fine. Hard to say with absolute certainty, but... very large. We have only explored less than half of it because that's as far as we can go with our level of technology. We haven't explored a huge chunk of space even in our own quadrant.

[ As Kirigan can likely tell by now, even in Jim's own reality and time there is yet a lot that people don't know, but that lack of knowledge only serves to further fuel their curiosity, their desire to learn, experience and explore.

His lips curl at Kirigan's last observation, and he chuckles. ]

Ah. Yes, we're out there like a pest you just can't get rid of. Must be a very popular evolutionary process.

Is that what you're doing out there in space? Explore.

[The way the world had been explored centuries ago, the scourge of otkazat'sya trampling all over the new lands, creating borders and starting wars.

The extermination of peace that followed the ruthless march across each continent.

The rise of Grisha in the wake, and the prejudice that grew like a sickness through all of them.]

That is a curious way to describe yourself. Do you pillage the worlds that you find, as well?

[No judgement in his voice, and the Darkling's black eyes remain kind and curious, locked on Jim's face.]

For the most part, yes. Exploration is the main focus of Starfleet. Being the flagship of the Federation, however, the Enterprise has some experience with first contact with several species, and less friendly encounters with other people who aren't necessarily as interested in peace and coexistence as we are.

[ No, not that kind of exploration whatsoever. That was how things were almost a millennia ago, but not anymore, thankfully so.

Both his eyebrows raise at the question, but still he smiles, thinking that Kirigan either didn't get the joke, or he's just joking himself. ]

Not at all. I use the word 'pest' very fondly, in this case.

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OPEN - I wanna know who you are

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would= world, thank you for knowing what I meant

no worries! :>