General Kirigan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cruelyethuman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ximilialog2021-10-17 04:34 pm
cruelyethuman) wrote in ximilialog2021-10-17 04:34 pm
OPEN - I wanna know who you are
CHARACTERS: The Darkling and YOU
LOCATION: Around the station during downtime
DATE: Every date until the next mission
CONTENT: Meh, Darkling doing darkling stuff- but in space!
WARNINGS: None? Morally grey stuff?
i. Returned. Infirmary
ii. The Sunlight room
iii. Kitchen
iv. Training
v. WILDCARD
LOCATION: Around the station during downtime
DATE: Every date until the next mission
CONTENT: Meh, Darkling doing darkling stuff- but in space!
WARNINGS: None? Morally grey stuff?
i. Returned. Infirmary
[The transition to the station is less smooth this time, and the Darkling stumbles away from the drop-point, letting go of Alina's hand as he takes an unsteady step to avoid the utter disgrace of falling flat on his face.
What's left of his clothes has been dried out from the heat of Alina's Light, but it's still torn and covered with plaster dust, sticking uncomfortably to his skin and the blood has dried out in to flaky maroon.
He walks slowly towards the infirmary, right hand clenched around his side to stop the bleeding. Once inside, he rummages through drawers and cabinets, pulling out clean gauze, water and alcohol. Needle and thread, in case he needs it, putting it all out in a neat row. Slowly, carefully, because most of his left side feels burned, skin pulled too tight and near-blistering from the Small Science that seared what was left of the poison out of him before the fall through the floor.
The Darkling peels off his shirt, trying awkwardly to reach around on his back where a piece of glass is sticking out.]
Excuse me? If you could just pull on that for me.
ii. The Sunlight room
[The days drag on the station. There's nothing to do, except fall in to his own mind and work on the block that Rhysand seems to think is possible. Unless that too is a trick, another lie to worm his way closer.
The Darkling sits under a tree with the false sun shining on his upturned face, letting it warm him in ways the blankets and the heating of this place never could. It might be a simulation or something equally mysterious that powers it, but the rays are heated against his skin and it's something else to look at other than Kovacs or the pale walls in their room.]
Move.
[And without opening his eyes, he adds a-] please.
iii. Kitchen
[Without a mission, or even a clear goal to plan for, the Darkling drifts through the station, watching the other orbers go about their business. The careless way they might interact, who talks to whom and which rooms people go in to.
There's an idleness to this that grate on his nerves. That makes his skin itch, and he heads off to the kitchen to find something to eat, now that most people seem to have had their fill, thus leaving it mostly empty.
Sliding in to a chair, he grabs the tray of food, stabbing it as if it had personally insulted him.]
iv. Training
[The sense of boredom grows with every day, his body unused to this life. Sitting for long periods of time without anything to plan for, or to do, makes him restless, and the Darkling finds himself in the training room again.
Trying to burn off excess energy by punching a bag that hangs from the ceiling. For once, the Darkling isn't covered from head to toe in black, but has opted for a white shirt and loose dark pants that might once have been pajamas, his hands covered with black leather gloves and sweat making his hair stick up.
Punch after punch, hitting the bag until he's breathless and panting, muscles aching and mind a little less loud in the quiet of the room. When the door opens, he glances over before nodding at the row of weapons.]
How are you with a sword?
v. WILDCARD
[Throw anything at me, as the Darkling is lurking around in the shadows on the station when he's not in his room. Or hit me up atireth
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A slew of emotions gnaws away at her stomach as she sits there in silence. Thinking of what to say next, if she should say anything else. Nudging her food around her plate, Daisy chews on the inside of her cheek.
Downtime could be nice, if it didn’t mean Daisy was left to think about everything she’s managed to push to the back of her mind during the mission. She remembers how close the two of them had gotten, how betrayed and hurt she felt when he took his aggression out on her, only to eye him so vulnerable the next.]
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He has for more experience in silence. With the way it will start of as barely noticeable only to grow, like fingers reaching up a person's throat. Pressing against the lungs as it stretches out in to infinity. He flicks his gaze between the food on his plate and Daisy's face, only to narrow his eyes at the braces on her arms.
Daisy makes him... uncomfortable. The sole witness to his loss of control and the careless way he had been willing to throw it all away because of Alina. The person it all circled back to, his wayward balance and his recalcitrant half. The Darkling doesn't care to feel anything at all, and watching Daisy...]
We're going to ignore that I said eye instead of see.
Turns out keeping a building from collapsing is as difficult as it sounds.
[Because this was a much simpler thing to talk about rather than to actually talk about her mixed feelings for him. Even still, she only briefly makes eye contact with him before looking down at her food again.]
I saw nothing
[What he remembers most of all about the building, is the creeping sensation of nearly drowning before the boy made them a door and Luda. Her smiling face and the sound of her screams as he walked away, ringing in his ears even as he fought his way to the top to get the orb.
The sound scraping against his mind as he walked in to the last room, the whole building shaking like a boat at high sea, the darkness that he cast out and Alina's hand in his as Luda cried in his ear.
Daisy, watching it all. Or, maybe that had been another trick to get him to stay, to keep him locked in the hallway as the whole building came crashing down.
He eats another bite, tasting nothing but ashes and defeat.]
Weren't you?
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Yeah.
[She looks up from her food, catching his gaze.]
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That makes it twice that Daisy had seen his utter ruin, the lack of control slipping through his fingers like sand and it grates against his pride. The part of him that is always in control, who never missteps or makes a mistake.
And this woman had seen it.
Twice.
In just a few days. With no way to make the mistake vanish, or disappear. Everything was easier in Ravka, when his word was law and the only one he had to listen to, was the king. And even there, the Darkling would twist the words and the nonsense in to something better suited for him.
He did not have that luxury here.]
You did good work. On the building.
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It wasn't just me, but, thanks.
[She had so many things she wanted to say to him, and it all went out the window the moment she saw him again.]
Where did you go? After we separated.
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[He eats, watching Daisy out of the corner of his eyes. How she doesn't, and the braces...
The Darkling has no remorse about Alina, about the kiss on the dance floor- it was inevitable. They are destined and while he has never been a man of faith, there's something about Alina that pulls on that primitive part of him. The part of man that worships the full moon, or who builds shrines to the Saints.
She is the sun.
But there might be a sliver of regret about the way things ended with Daisy, so tiny it's barely a flicker. Easy to overlook and ignore, but not when she's right there. Her arms wrapped up because her powers were too uncontrollable and no one here were properly equipped to train her.
The silence stretches, he sips his water, listening to the sounds of the station and the sound her breathing.]
To the top floor.
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Lips pressing together, Daisy reaches for her glass of water when he says where he went to.]
Where Kovacs was?
[Daisy's eyes roam over whatever parts of his body were exposed, trying to see what damage might've happened to him.]
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[Where a lot of people were. The distress call made on the network that flooded through him, the angry and scared voices of people he did not have the luxury of freely ignoring yet.
Every step had been agony, the voice in his ear too familiar and even the many voices of the orbers could not drown her out. Only the heat of Alina's light had burned it away, the voice fading as fire shot through his arm and the beam of light splashed over Cheri.]
Your arms aside, you seem to have made it out in one piece.
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[Daisy sits up a bit straighter, putting her fork down since she's not very hungry now.]
I heard some people fell through.
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[Because they were too powerful, the light emitting from Alina too clear and too hot for Cheri to handle and she attacked the floor underneath them instead.
They were powerful together, more powerful than anything else in their world and soon, Alina would see this.]
Did I what?
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[There is a small amount of concern there, for him, but so are the feelings of hurt and betrayal.]
That fell through.
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[The only things left of his plate, are green things shaped like little trees and the Darkling pushed them to the edge. He leans back in his chair, ignoring the stab of pain from the newly healed cuts as he picks up his glass, sipping the water slowly.
Daisy looks- normal. Again. Gone is the smiling woman in the blood-red dress and the easy smiles, now she looks like she did before the mission. With the sounds of Newton's hideous music blasting around them and the greasy smell of pizza in the air.
Guarded and distrustful.]
How did you find your way through the tunnels?
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Are you okay?
[Her tone is kept neutral on purpose in her attempt to keep an invisible wall up between them. At his question, she does hesitate. Because it involves the very person that started their whole argument, and while she holds nothing against Alina, it's still a sore spot.]
I had some help.
[Daisy explains, being vague on purpose.]
What about you?
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[As always. Unchanging as the desert and as immovable as the mountains, he will have to keep putting one foot in front of the other until he hates everything.
Until nothing new or surprising happens for decades, because humans might be fickle and wavering, but they are also very predictable. Acting on their emotions, basing their decisions on fear, when a calmer hand and a more rational mind is the better way.
He watches Daisy anyway, he has no reason to. She's nothing now, just another body hurtling through the emptiness of space with him. Just another name he will forget in time and once he has all the orbs, she will be less than a footnote in his personal history. Even if he does miss the sounds of her in the dark, it is the human side of him. The part that he wills down deep.
The warmth of her skin as she sleeps so close to him, something no one had done in more years than he cares to remember.]
I took the tunnels. [Alone, the darkness pressing in from all sides and nothing but the sound of Peter talking in his ear.
The Darkling clears his throat, setting his glass down on the table between them.]
I owe you an apology.
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Because clearly that backfired the last time.
Plucking a piece of fuzz off of her sleeve, Daisy locks eyes with him again.]
For what?
[Of course she has an inkling as to what he'd want to apologize for, she wants to hear him actually say it.]
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It is always like balancing on a knife's edge. How honest does he have to be, to earn her trust. How much of himself can he keep hidden, without a cost.]
I was out of line and I am very sorry that I lost- [control. His sense of self, sight of the mission because all he could see was the liquid gold of Alina's dress and the kissed-red bow of her lips.] that I took my frustration out on you. I was angry, but not at you and I am terribly sorry.
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You could've just been honest with me.
[There's no anger in her tone this time, just disappointment.]
About your feelings for her.
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[Except for how it isn't about feelings with Alina. It's a primal pull, her Sun to his Darkness. They have been fated since the beginning of time, since they were created at the heart of the world. Forever linked through Small Science and the will of the universe.
She was his, in ways he cannot put in to words, and he was hers just the same. There could be no shadows, without light.
Alina was his hope of a better future and the salvation of their people, without her, more Grisha would die. It was not feelings or emotions that drove him to seek her out, time and time again.
He had no more choice in listening to that call inside of him, than Alina had.]
I was- [a pause, as the Darkling takes another sip of the water, draining the glass.] ashamed, perhaps. Embarrassed. Feeling like less of a man.
[Cost and benefit, balancing without slicing himself to ribbons.]
I took that out on you, and I shouldn't have.
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There was obviously some history between the two of them, and while it's none of her business she's just trying to better understand.]
Ashamed of what?
[She doesn't say anything in response to him admitting that he lashed out on her, because what could she say? He's right. He shouldn't have taken it out on her.]
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What happened at the party. That our little break-in to the lower headquarters didn't yield anything of value.
[Snapping his eyes back up to Daisy's, he shrugs. Because it's not a complete lie, he had felt all of those things for a brief second. An endless moment before remembering who he was and why he was here, the empty space between heartbeats before reality reasserted itself.
He was there for the orb, nothing more.]
I made a mistake.
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It's not easy for her to just say she accepts his apology, because she doesn't. Not fully. He's at least seeing what he did was wrong, but she still remembers how she felt when he lashed out on her.]
Yeah.
[He did make a mistake. At least he realizes it now. She could drill into him over and over again that what he did was wrong and how much it hurt her, but where would that get them?]
I want to trust you, but I don't know that I can.
[It's an honest answer, and there's no bite to her tone. If anything, it's clear that it hurts her to admit it.]
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Daisy is powerful. A worthy ally and too dangerous to be an enemy, too willing to injure herself while using her inhuman powers to be left alone.
The Darkling swallows hard, watching his fingers on the glass.
They might be here for months. Years, even, since the numbers of orbs needed to succeed was never specified. Yet another mistake, to leap at the chance to undo his regret without reading the fine print or asking questions. Blinding by the opportunity as soon as it presented itself like a fool.]
I have told you about the persecution my people is subjected to back in my home world. The terrors we face-
[He looks up, eyebrows drawn together in a frown.] You were there, when I saw Luda. She was my wife.
[Was. Had been. His last love before merzost slithered through his veins, scorching everything in its path. Before Alina and the promise of hope.]
She died, because of me. What happened at the party reminded me of her, of what I had once and lost.
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I'm sorry.
[And she does mean that, having gone through loss of her own more times than she cares to count. Was that his reason for being here? To try and bring her back? Those are questions she wants to ask but thinks better of it. It's not her business anyway, and people here didn't seem to openly talk about their regrets in general.
She could talk about how she relates to that on a personal level, but the idea of opening up to him now makes her uncomfortable. Instead she just lifts her glass to take a sip of water, no longer making eye contact with him.]
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