ximilialog | [Mostly Open] So we'll press, and press 'til you can't take it anymore!

CHARACTERS: Precursors and you. And Eventually Newton. Hopefully!
LOCATION: A holding room in Ximilia Station.
DATE: Est. two days post-mission, after the kaiju is defeated and the orb is retrieved.
CONTENT: The precursors are revealed — and are finally removed from Newt's mind.
WARNINGS: Possession and the bodily autonomy issues that come with that. More will be added if necessary!

Closed and opened starters will be added as I go, which will be announced on plurk! But if you don't use plurk or would rather keep an eye out by email/tracking, feel free to use the tracking option and mark to receive notifs any new top level comments posted to this log! The log will involve an open starter to visit the precursors where they're cuffed/contained in the room, so stay tuned.

Also no rush once the open starters are posted!

Feel free to focus on the player plot log first and come back to this later.

CLOSED STARTER | THE DOCTOR
DARKLING'S TOP LEVEL | WHILE NEWT WAS SLEEPING...
OPEN STARTER | THE PRECURSORS, REVEALED
CLOSED FINAL CONCLUSION | THE PRECURSORS, REMOVED
OPEN PROMPTS | NEWTON GEISZLER'S RETURN

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's so much I need to fix!

[He says it with a laugh that cracks in two, sounding more like a sob. His fingers curl urgently around hers, like her touch has the power to soothe whatever had tried to bubble up out of him with those words. And it does work; he breathes out, and the tension in his shoulders relax.

He looks mortified, but only for a moment.]

Sorry, I'm — I know it's all... fresh.

You're right. You and the others, I know you're right. Things'll get better. It's hard to see it right now, but everything fluctuates. Time changes things. Always does.

[Why is it so hard to see it as that? The eternal question with an easy answer. It's called guilt, Geiszler.]

[ She thinks, for just a moment, she understands what the Doctor had meant all those times he'd accused her of being too human. Newt is human, with a human lifespan and a human view of things. Of course time changes things and this will smooth over, but it will feel an eternity. It must feel even longer when one day follows the next, time moving both too slowly and too quickly all at once.

Scooting back further onto the bed, she gently tugs his hand, a silent request for him to follow, as she stretches her legs out, settling more comfortably. ]

I'm going to tell you a story.

[ There's a brief pause as she considers if this is the right choice, if this will make things better or worse. In the end, she still doesn't know, so she continues anyway. ]

Once, there was a little girl born in a place called Demon's Run. Her mother was being held there, a prisoner in a war only one side knew was being fought. Soon enough, the most...unusual group of heroes came to rescue them. Her mother was saved, but the child was lost, stolen away during the battle.

She wasn't seen as a child, only as a means to an end. She was meant to serve a purpose. They taught her nothing of love or kindness, filled her with rage and hate. They turned her into a weapon.

Her memory was altered so many times, she hardly remembered anything else beyond that hate and that rage and that she must kill the demon. That was her purpose, the reason she'd been born.

She didn't know she'd fall in love with the demon or that he wasn't a demon at all, and she killed him twice over. The worst of her mistakes if not her only one.

[ Her voice softens, quieter now. ]

Sweetie, I won't tell you it goes away, the guilt. But you'll make your peace with it. You're too important to let it drown you.

Edited 2022-06-05 05:04 (UTC)

[He quietly obeys. There was no way in hell he'd refuse her, no way he'd refuse pretty much anyone here right now. And he quietly, patiently waits for her to speak. Some part of him is worried and guilty he's making her offer something of herself that she doesn't really want to give — that she feels she must, to talk him off some ledge.

He'd hate to make anyone feel like they have to share their stories with him.

But... A little part of him is desperate for that connection.

When she looks to him again, she'll find something sad there — not pity, necessarily, but empathy. Quiet understanding of what it's at least like to... have your memory altered, your mind adjusted, your body used as a tool. He gets it now; god, he never thought he'd ever say such a thing, but he gets it.

His hand squeezes hers, and he nods weakly.]

... How long did it take?

For you to make your peace?

[ Her past isn't something she speaks of often. There's still so much about it that hurts, especially if she lets herself dwell. But it's made her who she is, and if it helps, even a little, for Newt to know there's someone who understands what he's feeling in some way... She hopes it helps.

Her answer comes slowly, after some consideration. ]

It's always a little hard to keep track, but it took some time.

[ Honesty doesn't come as easily to her as lying, and she doesn't want to lie. ]

But for at least the first year, I still couldn't trust myself. You can, Sweetie. You're...you.

[ Surely that sounded more encouraging than she thinks it did. ]

There are days that are better than others.

['You're you'. Despite how he feels, he can't help the small, amused laugh that escapes him. That's one thing he'd come to expect in life: that people would just point at him and say Newton's Newton and know that there was really nothing anyone could do about him and his way of existing — himself included.]

I'm definitely a lot more 'me' now than I was a few days ago.

[Not a funny joke? Maybe not. If you don't laugh, you cry, so.]

... The girl in your story, I think she must've turned out pretty well, despite all the shit she had to put up with. Being so compassionate. Trying to be a better person everyday. All of the things that matter.

[ She doesn't laugh, but she does smile. ]

They can't take that from you, you know. You were always still there, fighting, being Newt.

[ Little comfort, she expects, given how far down they'd pushed him, leaving him unable to stop them. But everyone needs help now and then.

Still smiling, she lets her shoulder bump against his. ]

And I'm glad you think so. It's important to me, what you think.

[He can feel his heart swell a little at that, something akin to hope in his chest — hope for himself? If such a thing isn't too selfish a deal, when you think about all the pain they've endured recently at his hands... even if they weren't... his hands. With a watery smile, he sits up straighter, tries to shoulder the weight of his own mind with her words.]

Well... if it's important to you.

Thanks for — checking up on me. I know I've been kind of a hermit...

[But it's important, he knows. To begrudgingly allow help and company. To take in words that aren't your own, aren't your thoughts with barbed arrows pointed inward. It makes him think maybe he's not a totally lost to the rest of the crew he loves.]

[ She hums faintly, tilting her head to look at him. ]

I think you've earned it. A little. Just be careful not to get too caught up in it, Sweetie. I promise the isolation is worse.

[ Squeezing his hand, she adds, ]

And you never have to thank me for this. You're my friend, and I enjoy your company. Even if you have healing to do.

... I'll try not to. Get caught up in it.

[He squeezes her hand back; he's never been able to help squeezing back.]

And I still wanna thank you. It's good to know when your efforts mean something, you know?

[He breathes out, running his hand back over hair that could use a wash.]

I just appreciate it. From one friend to another.

Then you're welcome. From one friend to another.

And if, when, you do want to talk, or not talk, remember I'm not put off that easily. I haven't got any room to judge, Sweetie, and I wouldn't if I did.

[ She takes a breath of her own, nodding. No, she isn't very good at comforting, but she does care and honesty is what she can offer.

Reaching for the abandoned dvd player, she holds it out to him. ]

Now, why don't we see how well I've actually memorized this scene?

[Mostly Open] So we'll press, and press 'til you can't take it anymore!

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