ximilialog | [Mostly Open] So we'll press, and press 'til you can't take it anymore!

CHARACTERS: Precursors and you. And Eventually Newton. Hopefully!
LOCATION: A holding room in Ximilia Station.
DATE: Est. two days post-mission, after the kaiju is defeated and the orb is retrieved.
CONTENT: The precursors are revealed — and are finally removed from Newt's mind.
WARNINGS: Possession and the bodily autonomy issues that come with that. More will be added if necessary!

Closed and opened starters will be added as I go, which will be announced on plurk! But if you don't use plurk or would rather keep an eye out by email/tracking, feel free to use the tracking option and mark to receive notifs any new top level comments posted to this log! The log will involve an open starter to visit the precursors where they're cuffed/contained in the room, so stay tuned.

Also no rush once the open starters are posted!

Feel free to focus on the player plot log first and come back to this later.

CLOSED STARTER | THE DOCTOR
DARKLING'S TOP LEVEL | WHILE NEWT WAS SLEEPING...
OPEN STARTER | THE PRECURSORS, REVEALED
CLOSED FINAL CONCLUSION | THE PRECURSORS, REMOVED
OPEN PROMPTS | NEWTON GEISZLER'S RETURN

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

They aren't there.

[no one's peeping behind the curtain - not the physical one, anyway. Blue's on the other side for his own needs, unmoving from the outside, but ever eager to see to this freshly-freed friend of his in this way he can.]

And if they were...I'd have the bite marks to prove it.

[like last time, you know?]

[Newton tenses at the voice in his head. But once he takes the 2 seconds necessary to recognize it's nothing like the voices that had plagued him for months, his body relaxes, hand lowering the spoon that had nearly been flung down.

Another few seconds listening replaces shock with guilt, of course.]

I... um... Hi, Blue. I'm...

[Sorry? The apology is on his tongue, which feels thick in his mouth. Not from the precursors controlling it... he thinks. He's mostly sure. It's probably just genuine human hesitancy now. How do you even broach the subject? 'Hey, sorry you got hurt before, and then had to actually go face the things that hurt you again, would you like some mashed carrots?']

Are you okay?

[if Newt had managed it - that I'm Sorry - Blue wouldn't really have it in him to accept it. the 'sorry' and forgiveness is something he believes Newt would get more mileage out of were he able to give it to himself, to accept it himself.

it's not easy, is it? he's got his own forgiveness to accept on his own behalf.

there's a little stirring, something of exhale, but his thoughts are at least stronger-sounding than all of that.]

Despite everything... we're still here, aren't we? You and I.

Thank goodness for that. And thank goodness for everyone who could be here to make sure we could be.

[Skepticism paints his mind in broad strokes, and he grows quiet, mixing the food on his tray with his fork absently.]

... Still here.

I'm — glad to be alive. It's not that I'm not, 'cus I wanna be alive, even if I'm not sure how I'm gonna survive any of the thoughts in my head, but...

Just not so sure everyone else has the same opinion as you.

I could offer to assist with that, but... I believe you prefer to find those answers on your own terms, with your own efforts. [science-boy gonna do interpersonal science.

there's a beat, then, gentler:] There are more people worried for your sake...than you may realize. More grateful...for you to be free of what tormented you, what tormented everyone.

[He quiets, one hand wringing the blankets draped over his lap.]

I think... I just want my mind left alone... for a little while.

[So many people have been in it. It was a necessary invasion, one he's so supremely relieved they had done, but... at this point, he's getting a little scared that he'll never get to have his mind back to do with as he pleases. A horrifying concept, that people have to cycle through over and over, collecting his fragmented mind and regurgitating it into something sustainable.

Besides, he already has done enough to Blue.

He feels something inside him twist up at tormented everyone.]

I'm sorry... I'm sorry for all the trouble.

[Aaah, there it is. The dreaded 'S' word.]

I'll make it up to you. To everyone. No matter what it takes.

Do you know the way to do that, Newton?

[it's a softer thought, in light of the tremors rippling through Netwon's own. the poor man.]

I have a feeling...you won't think the answer is right. Or enough. But anything more...is making it up to yourself, not anyone else.

Do you know it?

[He presses the ball of his wrists into his eyes, glasses sliding up his forehead.]

Making it up to myself, huh... How do I do that, exactly?

Don't tell me it's 'reminding yourself it's not your fault'.

That's really fucking hard to do right about now, Blue.

I know. It's a lot to carry, on top of everything else.

[Blue shifts, working to sit up a little. after a swallow, he speaks out, voice low and slow.]

That...isn't the answer. Though it...may become part of it. Later. Not...not now.

Hey... You don't have to strain yourself for me.

[He imagines it's easier to talk through thought, anyway. But.

Now to consider the answer. An answer he admittedly falls short of finding. Which really sucks, because he usually prides himself on being one of the first to raise their hand and proudly give a matter-of-fact answer in any setting. Sheepishly, he admits:]

What's the answer, then?

[hey, if Newt can endure a little thought-conversation after all that, then Blue can spare the lung real estate.]

Everyone who...worked to find you again. Even those who...didn't know. You were captive. Who were still...speaking to you... [hh.]

The real way...to make it up...to all those feelings...is to carry them with you. As you walk forward. It's the moving forward...that's hard, but, Newt... When someone dear to you...is suffering so much? Don't you just want to see them...have better days ahead? Don't you want to share them, too...?

[Leaning back against the pillows, he considers Blue's words with earnestness.]

... Of course I do. I'd want — I want nothing but good days ahead. I'd love for everyone to be happy, and to not suffer, and... I'd like to be there for it. More than anything, I wanna help everyone get past this mess... even if I feel like I caused... I helped cause it by being here in the first place.

[Baby steps. At least he's shifting some of the blame to the actual guilty party there.]

There will always...be messes, Newt. Ones we make...ones we inherit... It's...a part of living a full life, isn't it?

... This is a pretty big mess, Blue.

[But it's soft in its exasperation, and he does smile, even if it's not reaching his eyes this day.]

But I guess you're right about that.

Life's always really messy, huh?

Easier to...wade through together, hmh...

[there's a long beat.]

Take your time, Newt. I'm just glad...I'll get to hear the true you again.

[A breath out.

... At least it's a breath he's allowed to breathe by himself.]

It might not be the prettiest sound for a while.

But... Thank you, Blue. And — thanks again for coming for me. Even after everything.

[I owe you one, he doesn't say, but stores away.]

[Mostly Open] So we'll press, and press 'til you can't take it anymore!

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