( open ) we do what we can

[naloxone]

CHARACTERS: marta cabrera et al.
LOCATION: around the station
DATE: after mission: scorpion's bend, the rest of february
CONTENT: marta deals with the aftermath of her first mission
WARNINGS: alcohol use, description of stabbing injury, brief mentions of malnutrition (will update as needed)



undo your regret, they said.
it'll be fun, they said.

( open starters )

Comments

14th

[coordination]

[ One thing that absolutely blows in this aftermath is catching up with people and realizing others were hurt in that last, chaotic struggle. Now that Yzak is back on his feet again (he wasn't hurt any more, simply spent that first day back alone and going thru it as everything came back to hit him) he's checking in on his teammates here.

And he's surprised to see Marta among them. ]

What the hell happened to you?

[ Words blunt, but his tone lacks that, sounding more concerned than anything. ]

[naloxone]

[ marta would much rather have her nose buried in a book standing vigil at someone else's bedside and monitoring their vitals than be one of the ones bedridden herself, but then again maybe that's a common sentiment. it's not like anyone likes being unwell, but there's a certain level of shame here when marta considers her profession, the fact this is her first mission in general.

still, she can appreciate yzak's candor, even prompting a wan little smile from her that's definitely amused, if a little tired. (of herself, of course.) ]

Made friends with a Bouldersnake's bladed tail, [ she answers around a sigh. ] But I'm better now, I promise.

[coordination]

Would you consider that one an exciting or a boring story?

[ Haha look at him, trying to be a smartass. ]

[naloxone]

[ a corner of her lips twitch into a wry smile, but to her credit she manages to hold onto what little dignity she's already left with. ]

Overall? An embarrassing one, really.

[ some of the levity fades as she recounts the story, but she keeps her chin up. ]

I got in over my head, and someone had to clean up my mess. It could've been them at the end of that blade, but fortunately I was able to think fast enough.

[coordination]

Now we're in the same boat, where that's concerned.

[ He too moves on from that levity, frowning as she explains what happened. ]

At least you both made it out in one piece. That was a shitshow! [ That whole fight, that whole ... ending.

Yzak shifts his weight, considering her. ]

Do you need anything?

[naloxone]

[ a corner of her lips quirk up in response to his aggrieved outburst, knowing the sentiment is returned even if she currently doesn't have any of the energy to express it quite like he had. ]

No, they've taken good care of me here, thank you.

[ she could use a book or three, something dense and distracting, but she's not in the habit of asking for things, especially something so frivolous. ]

I'd been told of the other missions before but I never thought... [ she pauses, shakes her head. ] I don't think I ever want to experience anything like that again. But I feel like it's only going to get worse, isn't it?

[coordination]

This one was definitely ... hmmmh. [ His face just pinches into a look of disgust. ] The others weren't fun by any means, but ... I hope this isn't on some track to just getting worse and worse every time.

[naloxone]

[ this one just felt cruel, but marta doesn't have any other experience to compare with it. at the time, when she was being filled in about all the previous missions, her focus had been on what the crew did, what the crew endured.

but now... ]

The people we end up leaving behind.

[ she watches yzak closely, dreading the answer. ]

Are they always left worse off than when we arrived?

[coordination]

No, not always. There hasn't been a mission that ended perfectly, without some kind of stress or strife, death in many cases. But even outside of this undertaking, I can't imagine many things do have a perfect ending.

[ He's not even being pessimistic when he says that, since his tone sounds somewhat disappointed, tired of that fact. He wishes it were more common. ]

There's been good, too. A city of people plagued and lied to freed from the leaders that harmed them and pulled the wool over their eyes about the circumstances of it. Loves reunited. A town and royal family awakened from sleep.

[naloxone]

[ marta listens closely, once again appreciating yzak's blunt way of speaking. it helps her to feel better about what she hears, to have some confidence in the notion that he isn't just telling her things to make her feel better. ]

That's good to know.

[ still, her voice is quiet. like her spirit isn't quite there yet, ready to believe it all. ]

That we aren't just leaving the planets we visit worse than before we came.

[coordination]

[ Yzak tends to not sugar-coat things. Even though he doesn't aim to be a straight-up asshole about them, either. (... anymore) ]

We're not.

Although I do hope those we helped and left behind take the right steps to make things better, now that an orb is no longer there.

We probably won't be able to ever know. But I'd like to think they will.

[naloxone]

[ marta thinks of all that she knows about the orbs (it's not much). she thinks of what welford had unwittingly used it for. what they all here mean to use it for. she certainly couldn't fault others for wishing to is it for their own ends; she tries not to be hypocritical if she can help it. but she has to wonder how much of removing the cause of the larger problem, doesn't just leave the initial problem an open, gaping wound. ]

I don't know if I'd want to know for sure, [ she admits, mostly to herself. ]

[coordination]

It'd be a dangerous choice to make if it was given to us at all. Because nothing would hurt more than learning that our very best efforts to help others were all for nothing.

[ But choosing not to know ... the human mind tends to assume the worst in that kind of situation, so that would just cause turmoil anyway, wouldn't it? It's for sure a tough path to walk. ]

Still, based on those we met and gotten to know in some capacity ... I'd like to believe in them.

...

Which reminds me, as well. I owe you a small apology.

[naloxone]

[ there is a frown tugging on her lips, the words she isn't saying weighing them down: is that what we're doing here? helping others? maybe it's because marta is still new, that the deal she'd made with the orb still lays fresh in her mind. she knows why she's here, and the "others" she means to help is just the one, just the single person back home.

he pulls her out of her thoughts with his mention of an apology, drawing her gaze back up to him. ]

Oh?

[coordination]

Back on Badrock, when I asked you to help me with tending to my injury, I lied about my lack of skill in taking care of it myself.

...

It was the goal assigned to me at the start of the mission. I'm not inclined to lie about such stupid things, and I would never in any normal circumstance! Just so that's clear!