ximilialog | catch-all

[ as they walk, luke instead cautiously slides his hand up to megatron's wrist instead, tucking it lightly in the joint to keep some physical contact between them. he gets the feeling that maybe the mech doesn't get a lot of positive or harmless touch-- if he was anything like luke's father had been, a lot of people in his home probably still hate and fear him. ]

Hard to explain because you can't find the words, or hard to explain because you're not sure you're ready to talk about it?

[ there's a difference, even if people aren't always aware themselves of which it is. ]

[ Megatron seems surprised that Luke continues to touch him and after a moment, he gently pulls his arm away. The touch is strange and there's a taut, unhappy feeling somewhere inside him that says he shouldn't allow it. It feels too vulnerable, even with as vulnerable as this conversation seems to be becoming. ]

Hard because it's difficult to put into the words the exact reasons. A friend sacrificed himself for me, even though he had every reason to hate me. He offered me kindness, when he could have easily done nothing.

That was the start of it.

[ he says nothing as megatron pulls his arm away, but he can feel the turmoil. he's not surprised about it, not considering what he's been learning about him. the guilt he can sense is nearly overwhelming, suffocating, crushing. megatron hadn't simply begun to think differently, he's completely changed, it seems. for a species that's as long-lived as his people seem to be, that can't have been a simple thing. ]

It makes sense, [ he says after a few moments, maybe a little more solemnly than he means to be. ] There was-- [ his lips part, press thin. is he really going to talk about this? but it only seems.. fitting, in a way. ] Back home, there was someone in a similar position. He was one of the most powerful men in the entire galaxy, and feared by everyone. He'd killed.. entire worlds, whole populations. He wasn't beyond hope, though, in the end.

[ it doesn't change what he'd done any more than megatron's change of heart negates what he's done. but it still.. means something, means everything. ]

[ Skywalker describes someone from his own galaxy and Megatron feels himself fitting into that space so neatly it's as if it were made specifically for him. Megatron can feel the guilt and frustration squeeze around his spark and he has to pause for just a moment. ]

...So did I.

[ He says it quietly, not because he doesn't want Skywalker to hear but because it feels too heavy to say it much louder. ]

My Decepticons wiped out millions of my own people during the civil war. I don't know how many more organics died because they were in our way or because their worlds turned into our battlegrounds. Billions? Trillions?

[ He looks distant as he heads towards the sunlight room. If robots could be pale, he probably would be. ]

[ they step into the room, and luke shivers, though he's not sure if it's from the chill in the air or the weight of megatron's pain. it's almost a tangible thing, something even those without force-sensitivity can sense and feel.

he picks a less-trafficked, winding route through the room to follow, mindful of megatron's size and the trees dotting the landscape. as a desert child, snow had been a slightly terrifying wonder the first time he'd seen it, but hoth had ruined any affection he held for it. now it's just cold and wet.. but he has to admit that here and now, it is pretty. ]

Vader died not long after he.. changed. He gave his life to save mine. [ just days ago. and though he knows his father is one with the force now, it doesn't make the wound of losing him any less painful. ] And I think a lot of people in the galaxy would probably say good riddance, it solves the problem of what to do with him.

[ doubtless, it's what many people would have wanted for megatron, as well. he's sure this must sound.. familiar. ]

But it also means that he can never do anything good again, too. He's just gone. There can never be anything else. No conversations, no closure, nothing.

[ Skywalker is talking of this 'Vader' fellow and as Megatron's feet crunch through the snow, he listens. It sounds... familiar. Achingly, hauntingly familiar. His head bows in thought, hands clasped at the small of his back. ]

I had some last few years aboard the most remarkable vessel with the most remarkable crew. I took a chance I had and did do some good. I made positive changes. I helped others. I was able to try and make up for some of the things I'd done in a small way.

Then I surrendered myself to the justice of the galaxy I had wronged. That's where I've been for the last several centuries. Imprisoned, alone, in the dark. Connected to a mobius generator until my spark burns out. No visitors, no reprieve, no possibility of parole.

[ He pauses, considers. ]

And I can only say that I deserve worse.

I think it's a waste, [ luke says, almost breathless with the barbarity of what was done to megatron. what was the point of it? ] It's just more suffering. It doesn't give anyone back their lives or their loved ones, and though I'm sure it gives some people satisfaction to think of you alone and in pain, it's just.. revenge cloaked in the appearance of-- of justice. That's not justice, that's torture.

[ he glances up at him, blue eyes bright in his face, lashes a little damp. ] It's not acceptable in a society that's trying to recover from war. That's not-- they should have done better. We should do better. [ the alliance, the republic that they intend to set up. war criminals should be given fair trials, fair and humane punishments.

even people like darth vader, or megatron. ]

It doesn't.

[ Megatron can agree with that much. ]

I had a comrade who likely would have agreed with you. I can't say I disagree, either. If this justice, though, is what's required for my people to have a chance to live in peace or for me to atone for the wrongs I've done, I willingly submit myself to it.

[ He looks back down at Luke. He is reminded again of Rodimus, in a way. There is a painful sort of naïve hopefulness to this human, an earnestness that Megatron wishes he could still grasp. Rodimus was certainly more petty than this Skywalker, but... he had wanted better for Megatron, in the end. If nothing else. ]

I was hated. Handing me over to the Galactic Council for trial was part of the price for allowing Cybertronians to become something other than galactic outcasts after our war had caused so much devestation.

[ luke stares up at megatron, mouth thin, brows knit. it's ugly, what megatron may have to return to. that this is just a short reprieve from torture that's going to last a very, very long time is one more cruelty to add to his punishment.

but.. maybe not. ] --Your regret, [ he says carefully at last, arms curling around himself as if cold. ] Is it to do with your war? [ and if it is, will it rewrite his people's history? his own? if the power of these orbs can really do what people have said, then maybe things can be very different for his reality.

it's none of luke's business, he knows. their regrets are often very personal things, after all, but he can't help but want.. better, a kinder fate for the mech. whatever he was, after all, he's clearly not the same person now. ]

[ Megatron hates his prison--almost wishes they had simply executed him. But perhaps, if he is lucky, there will be a chance for reprieve and for him to continue his work somewhere in the future. He is a creature who has nothing but time, after all. ]

In some sense.

[ The question feels heavy and the answer even heavier. ]

There's too much tied up in the war for me to wish to undo it completely. And I've seen what happens when there isn't a Decepticon movement. It's worse in its own way. A Cybertron where those without a useful purpose are culled by religious fanatics and where the ruling classes stretch Cybertronian imperialism further than I could have dreamed.

[ He shakes his head, morose. ]

No, I don't wish to undo the war. My cause was just when we began, even if I strayed.

There is one loyal soldier, one loyal friend that died because of my inaction and my inability to confront myself. He was killed by fanatics I had created myself for the purposes of my war.

[ He trails off, staring at the simulated snow as a few flakes drift by on the simulated breeze. ]

It's a small thing in comparison to weight on my scales, but one life is a start.

[ luke stares up at him, searching his face, chest aching and throat tight with the injustice of it all. having to choose a war because the alternative is worse.. luke understands it, in a way. the death star haunts him, battles he's fought, those he'd killed in the name of freeing the galaxy from the grip of a tyrant. he could undo them, if everything is true, but at what cost?

so he made his regret small and personal, like megatron had, because anything greater is too great a risk. ]

.. It's a start, [ he agrees softly, and with some effort, forces himself to uncurl, to open his posture up again. he takes a breath, two, carefully centering himself, bearing himself up beneath the hurt. it's not going to help either of them if luke buckles. ] One life in the grand scheme of things may not seem like much, but it's everything to the people that cared about him, to all the lives he touched and could have touched. [ he offers a small smile, and finally glances away, out toward the rest of the sunlit, snow-covered field. ] .. I guess you're just going to have to treat being here as the reprieve it is. For now.

[ all hope isn't lost just because they can't see a way forward yet. ]

It's a reprieve, yes. Not one I'm sure I deserve.

[ Megatron exhales, his optics shuttering against the sunlight gleaming on untouched snow. ]

I'll admit, it's nice to be able to hold a conversation again, at least.

[ He looks back down at Luke, gleaming red optics focused on the human once again. ]

It's also a privilege to be allowed to continue the necessary work on myself.

What you deserve is to be treated fairly. But being here is something, at least.

[ .. how long has he already been imprisoned for? it's a miserable question to consider, and one luke doesn't wonder aloud. there's no need to make megatron dwell any more on it than he has to.

he gently bumps his prosthetic hand against the back of the mech's, then shifts away to crouch, gathering up snow into a loosely-packed ball and rising again. he releases it into the air, using the force to loft it up high, where it breaks apart into a little shower of snow, catching the light and swirling away with the breeze. ]

I guess.. I've been considering it a break, too, a little. I'm not-- it's only been a few years for me since I joined the Alliance. A lot's happened, though, and I've realized in the few days I've been here that I haven't really had time to just.. deal with anything. [ he dusts his hands off, glances back up with a quirk of his lips and snow in his hair. ] Maybe we'll both work on ourselves here.

Perhaps you think I have been treated unfairly after everything I've done? Your sympathy is appreciated, but misplaced, I'm afraid.

[ Megatron smiles, though. He watches as Luke raises the little ball of snow over his head then scatters it. It's a fascinating little display, but not something Megatron is necessarily unused to. Magnetism, forcefields, and other such tools are used in similar ways all the time where he comes from--though he's never seen a human use it. Slowly, he lowers himself to sit in a snow drift with a soft crunch of snow underneath his frame. ]

How do you do that? With the snow? I realized just now I know very little of you, Skywalker, though we've spoken a few times.

[ he gives him an arch little glance at the first part, too gentle to be defiant, but definitely pointed. still, he doesn't challenge it, instead watching as megatron seats himself.

he blinks as the mech continues, though, startled into a more genuine, somewhat bashful smile. ] Well, we haven't really known each other long. [ for all that their conversations thus far have been surprisingly deep and a little more vulnerable than he thinks either of them were expecting. ]

Back home, I'm what people would call Force-sensitive. [ he hesitates, thoughtful, ruffling a hand through his hair to brush the snow out of it. ] The Force is.. an energy source. All life comes from it, and all life eventually returns to it. Force-sensitives can.. tap into that energy, can hear it and feel it and use it. It gives us abilities that others don't have.

[ a range of them that luke himself is still learning about, given his mostly-martial education. ] Unfortunately, the year I was born, there was a coup of the galactic government. It was reformed into an empire, and the emperor--with Vader's help--killed every Force-sensitive he could find. So.. [ he trails off, a little uncertain for a moment, before shrugging slightly. ] My training was a little.. unconventional, to say the least.

[ Megatron is a devoted skeptic, but having just seen Skywalker manipulate the snow with his own two optics, it's not as if he's going to scoff at the possibility. So he listens quietly, idly gathering snow to pack into shape between his hands. Skywalker continues and... well, it's a tragic story, isn't it? The sort he's used to hearing from his own war, though maybe not exactly the same. ]

It must have been. That you were able to hone your skills under their noses must have been quiet an accomplishment.

[ He tilts his head slightly, studying Luke with an intense stare. ]

The more I learn about humans, the more impressive I find them. For all your fragility and despite your short lifespans, you are remarkable creatures.

I had teachers eventually that taught me about my abilities. Two of them, that were able to escape the Purge. [ ben and yoda had done their best, even if he thinks their efforts were a little misguided. and though he still cares deeply for both of them, he's not unaware of the way they'd manipulated him. would they have ever told him that vader was his father if he hadn't confronted them about it?

the stare makes his ears warm, flustered, but he meets megatron's gaze regardless. ] Well.. we don't really think of ourselves as fragile or short-lived, I don't think. We just live, like any people do.

No offense is intended.

[ Skywalker's temperature is increasing and he's getting red. Is he getting angry? Did Megatron say something wrong? ]

It's only in comparison to Cybertronians. We can live millions of years and all but the most grievous of bodily harm can be repaired or healed.

And none's taken, [ he says with a quick smile, and moves to settle next to megatron, seating himself on the snow. he's probably going to regret it in a few minutes, but for now it's fine. it's.. nice, even, being here, in spite of the snow. ]

I only mean it to say.. I don't think we're any more or less extraordinary than any species in the galaxy. [ he draws his knees up, hooking his arms loosely under his thighs. ] We all have gifts and shortcomings. [ he glances back up at megatron, curious. ] I can't imagine what it must be like, to live that long. Your people could really do a lot of good out there. What's your homeworld like?

I suppose I find you extraordinary because I spent so long convinced that your species was inferior to mine. Now that I am less burdened by such bias, I am discovering new facets to humanity.

[ He doesn't quite shrug. Luke asks his question about Megatron's homeworld and he stills, his gaze distant. ]

It used to be beautiful. Metallic mountains that reached towards the sky. Great cities, places of learning and commerce. Even the Great Rust Sea had a beauty to it. It's all gone now, though. Destroyed by Unicron.

[ He sighs softly. ]

Well. Not quite, but it's a long story involving an alternate universe. A duplicate isn't quite the same as the original.

[ it's hard to imagine a whole planet that's completely inorganic. even coruscant, beneath its lowest, deepest levels, paved over and hidden away, is dirt and stone and sleeping plantlife that may never see the light again. ]

I'm sorry. [ he can't help but think of leia and alderaan, though there had been no copy, no alternate universes. it's just.. gone. sometimes at home, he can feel how much its loss still hurts her, but leia's also extremely skilled at compartmentalizing when she needs to get something done. it's a skill he's never quite learned. ] I know it's impossible, but I would have liked to see it. I've never heard of anything quite like it.

Perhaps in the simulation room.

[ Perhaps, perhaps. ]

I know Drift was going to ask after simulating the festival of Lost Lights. That would show you some small glimpse of Cybertron. Even if it's after the war.

That would be nice, I'd like to see it. I haven't had the chance to celebrate many holidays, and it could be fun spending some time at a Cybertronian one with you.

[ his smile warms, and he uncurls himself to push upright, dusting the snow off his backside and the rest of his clothes. ]

I'm getting soaked sitting here. [ and honestly, as a desert-child, he's kind of freezing at this point. ] Should we finish up our walk?

With me?

[ It's still surprising to him that others want to spend time with him, even after the Lost Light. He expects most to fear him or hate him at best. He pushes himself upwards, leaving behind damp and melted snow from the heat of his frame. ]

Yes, I think we should.

Well.. who better to spend time with at a Cybertronian holiday than a Cybertronian? And I like you, why wouldn't I want to?

[ he's not excusing what megatron did in the past, but he's trying to be a better person now. it's like he said: he's working on himself. it can only help to be supportive of that.

he glances to the melted patch where megatron was sitting and has to stifle a smile behind a crook of his fingers. well.. good to know he runs hot, he guesses. bumping his other hand against the mech's larger one, he turns them toward the exit. ] Where were you headed before I talked you into kissing me?

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