ximilialog | dreamwalk two

CHARACTERS: Blue, any sleepin folks out there
LOCATION: Someone's subconscious
DATE: Late Oct/Early Nov, pre-mission things
CONTENT: Psychics gon' psychic, dreams gon' dream...it's free dream/memshare real estate
WARNINGS: none in the tl; tagged as needed

It happens one of two ways:

outside

When he sleeps, Blue's subconscious stretches itself outward, instinctively drawn to things familiar to itself: Feelings, imagery, names...bonds already made or half-formed. It's in a Mu's nature to connect in this way, to be linked in thought and emotion, and this happens even in sleeping. The universe he hails from lacks much of the color and diversity and freedoms of others', but there are common lived experiences to be tethered to, for better or worse.

Peril and pain, longing and loss, hope and harmony...while Blue reprocesses his own volume of them, he unconsciously seeks out meaning in those notions which might flicker throughout the station in minds other than his own.

That means a routine recollection or predictable dream comes with something new this time.

inside

The door swings both ways, for when Blue is asleep, he can't consciously keep it locked, can he? So those who have even a passing capability to perceive matters of the mind or heart, be it magic or something more, could find themselves drifting out of their own dreamspace and into his own, where pastel marble floors mold effortlessly with sheer metal surfaces dappled with clouds that shouldn't hold any weight, let alone a person's.

It's where the sky is no sky, but a gaping field of stars not unlike the view outside a station window...save for the massive, red planet crowning the horizon. Beyond it, a pale blue dot no bigger than what Earth's moon would be glimmers in the dark. A lyre's strings are plucked from some unseen place, filling the place as one would fill a vast, empty room, and Soldier Blue stands at the edge of the horizon in his old, familiar vestments and headgear, absorbed in...something...until the shuddering of the dream's veil prompts him to acknowledge the presence passing through.

Red eyes turn to fix on the interloper, unsure of what they are perceiving yet.

This is still simply a dream, after all.

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[yet if he were unwelcome, he'd have pushed him out right away...

Blue doesn't make that point, instead just watching him for a beat.]

How often...does your mind give you dreams like this, Yzak?

[ It's true, there isn't a push, because this isn't about Yzak willingly pushing anybody away, but simply the expectation that he wouldn't need to, here, like this. Everyone will leave, and ultimately move on on their own, with no additional help from him as much as he doesn't want it to be that way. He doesn't want any of this to be this way, and here it is, a reality he can't change here any more than he can when awake. But Blue's presence is different here.

How often...? This still doesn't register as a dream, much less one being visited by an outsider. ]

I'm here more than enough.

[ So often. A tired response, but not begrudging. ]

[Blue's gaze drifts to take in some of the gruesome, miserable sights.]

What is it...this place is asking of you...?

[ While gruesome, no particular single body appears to stick out, all equally nondescript enough. Though since Blue is kneeling down, next to him, strangely none of the blood on the floor appears to stain anything he has on. (it wasn't him who shed it, after all)

Yzak shifts his gaze to the destroyed remains of the spacecraft scattered around. ]

This is to remind me that I'm not allowed to live without forgetting that I shouldn't have been.

Are you certain?

[that's an easy conclusion to make, especially if someone has so much time in the same, repeated state. it may not be right, but...what other conclusion can be made with the information at-hand?

perhaps that's why Blue is here, intentionally or otherwise.]

I only ask...because you seem the kind of person who wouldn't need reminding.

I don't.

[ Blue is right about that part. He feels it, too, in consciousness. When he gets too bored and his mind wanders, when he talks about the first war and how he used to be, when someone makes a comment about Dearka being on his team - because to some soldiers being a deserter is worse than what Yzak had done since they'd have done the same, only not regret it. And sometimes he feels it when he's comfortable and content, in those moments where anyone would simply be happy to be alive to experience something in a moment.

So of course he sees it too, when he wants to grant himself the luxury of a good rest. ]

But why would something like that matter? Reminders aren't exactly always kind.

It's not their gentleness I wonder on...but their frequency. [for if Yzak is as keenly aware as he affirms - and Blue has no reason to doubt that - then there'd be little need for his subconscious to be repeatedly flogging himself about it. logically, that'd be a hindrance, wouldn't it?

but when has logic ever reigned a free mind?]

If it's very often, I imagine...you must be very strong to function even a day at a time.

That's because I—

[ Yzak's subconscious kicks in to respond to that first, but is abruptly cut off. He stares back down to his hands, stained with blood that he can only physically wash off in waking. ]

—I have to be. [ Not that he is, like he'd normally say he is. What he is in here is a weak coward who allowed his pride and his impulsiveness to leave him scars much worse than the one he used to have. ] I don't have a choice. I don't get a choice. And I can't make a difference if I'm not.

[the notion that he could simply...erase these things that hurt Yzak...it isn't lost on Blue. it's a background needling in his own mind, one he has to willfully set aside to keep his focus on what is being presented here. so even though the ache those struggling words is strong enough to compel him to want to fix it outright, Blue does not move to do so.]

This moment...it doesn't change, even though you have? [he tilts his head to try and catch Yzak's eye.] Does this moment know you are not alone anymore?

Why would it change? I can change all I need to, but nothing can change what I did, what this was. Or that the only reason I'm still alive isn't from my own good deeds or my positive accomplishments outweighing this slaughter. It was luck. A decision made caused by someone else's well-crafted words that just so happened to include me under its blanket of forgiveness.

[ A couple of Yzak's fingers twitch at Blue's second question. This moment..? ]

It's— No. It's not supposed to. But it doesn't care, either way.

[he lets Yzak work out his answer, watching him in contemplative silence - a silence that lingers a few seconds after Yzak finishes speaking.

then:] It appears, to me...that you are being held hostage.

...

"Hostage" implies I shouldn't be here.

No more than anywhere else.

[while lifting his gaze skyward:] You can carry your past, or you can let it hold you in place. But you can't do both. I won't tell you which one to choose, but...

[he looks back to him.] I think both your past...and the person of your tomorrows...may be better served by being able to walk forward.

I do- I- want to.

[ Here he wants to, but he never can. He's trapped, trapped until he snaps awake, panicked and breathless until he can calm down and push it all back where it belongs. ]

[Blue doesn't answer aloud right away. instead, he climbs to his feet - so easily, so unlike how feeble and withered he is while awake - and moves to stand before Yzak.

he bends and extends his hand out to him, meaning to help him to his feet.]

That want...is how it has to begin. But it's only the beginning.

Stand up, Yzak.

[ This is where it's different. Usually by now the dream is over and he's jolted awake from the panic.

So he hesitates, because he's never made it this far before. And still isn't sure if this will end any differently. ]

...

[ But eventually he does take Blue's hand to stand up. ]

[whether Yzak believes he deserves it or not, Blue exudes an air of compassion and understanding, sympathetic to the pain laid bare before him. he pulls Yzak along to walk with him, to no longer be a static figure in an unchanging reminder. the Mu's presence alone may have changed it for good, for whatever repeat visits Yzak may have, and that in of itself may be all he can do. at least then Yzak will know he is not alone.

he strikes out to the unknown ahead of them, because that too is change.]

dreamwalk two | ota

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