[She's leaning over to relax up against his side when he asks his question. Clara goes still and swallows a lump that's formed in her throat.]
I died.
[She quietly answers, not bothering to lead into it with a story or soften the blow. Admitting something like that feels like a weight coming off her shoulders. She's joked about death with Erik, but this is different. This is a confession, two words whispered with the certainty that he'll continue to make her feel safe despite the weight of what she's just said.]
It feels like I've lived a thousand lives sometimes. And technically, I have. I split myself apart for him, you know. The Doctor. Jumped right into his timestream without a second thought so I could save him. I can still remember my echoes every now and then, ones that were born so that they could die saving the Doctor. And I guess maybe, in the end, it was always meant to be my fate too.
[Except she didn't die saving the Doctor, but she doesn't want to get into that now. She made the choice to take on the chronolock because it felt like the right choice to make, and maybe also because she knew she'd never allow the Doctor to do it. If he had been the one there in the moment, perhaps he might have. And she never would've forgiven herself for letting it happen.
She was born to save the Doctor.
And this life she has now is just borrowed time. That makes moments like this one, hidden away here with him, all the more special. She realizes that maybe this second chance means she could save herself. Her hand clings hold of his a little tighter, as she leans against him like he's going to save her from herself.]
My being here again only matters if Viveca can help me change my contract.
no subject
I died.
[She quietly answers, not bothering to lead into it with a story or soften the blow. Admitting something like that feels like a weight coming off her shoulders. She's joked about death with Erik, but this is different. This is a confession, two words whispered with the certainty that he'll continue to make her feel safe despite the weight of what she's just said.]
It feels like I've lived a thousand lives sometimes. And technically, I have. I split myself apart for him, you know. The Doctor. Jumped right into his timestream without a second thought so I could save him. I can still remember my echoes every now and then, ones that were born so that they could die saving the Doctor. And I guess maybe, in the end, it was always meant to be my fate too.
[Except she didn't die saving the Doctor, but she doesn't want to get into that now. She made the choice to take on the chronolock because it felt like the right choice to make, and maybe also because she knew she'd never allow the Doctor to do it. If he had been the one there in the moment, perhaps he might have. And she never would've forgiven herself for letting it happen.
She was born to save the Doctor.
And this life she has now is just borrowed time. That makes moments like this one, hidden away here with him, all the more special. She realizes that maybe this second chance means she could save herself. Her hand clings hold of his a little tighter, as she leans against him like he's going to save her from herself.]
My being here again only matters if Viveca can help me change my contract.