Something like that. [ it's what the selfless martyr would say, isn't it? what the ravkan saint would preach, while the weight of her country crushes her spine to dust. but there's more, lurking within her intentions; that selfish want to be free of the chains that drag her down, shackle her powers to the hands of others. ] I'm not sure I ever had much of say or a choice.

[ it isn't strictly true, despite the self-deprecating light she casts over herself. she could have tucked tail and run, as baghra had wanted — as she should have, perhaps, to spare the stag from kirigan's influence. played the coward biding her time, rather than believing for even a moment she could be the hero of her story.

but she hadn't turned — and she isn't turning away now. there's always a choice to be made, and alina is nothing if not accustomed to treading those difficult paths. ]

I know how cruel the world can be. I've lived in it.

[ some of her edges seem to prickle, defensive despite kovac's lack of open judgment — the mark of a woman used to being judged, expecting it even when it isn't offered. better to learn that now than cry about it later. as though kirigan's betrayal hadn't etched lessons into her, left her with this distrust and self-doubt; as though she isn't used to hiding those wounds scarred into her, anyway, in a world that had never been kind to her. ]

You need to have lines you're not willing to cross. [ the greater question, though, are what those lines are — but she knows to fear what she'll become, if she steps over the boundaries she's drawn in the sand. ] Otherwise we really are no better than the monsters.