The smile is like looking into a funhouse mirror at your own distorted reflection. Vash's own expression fades as he looks at it, suddenly understanding a little too well for comfort. The words only exacerbate that feeling of near deja vu.
It doesn't change that I've caused a lot to happen just by existing. How many times has he thought about whether things might have been different if he and Nai hadn't been what they were? Rem believed that they might have come into this world to serve as the bridge between their species, and yet it was that very bridge upon which Nai kept coming after them, time after time. That bridge had become their ruin, the day they learned about Tesla. Vash has never been able to convince Nai to forgive humanity, and there are days he lays awake haunted by having given him the keys to their destruction way back then, when they had been two halves of a whole, inseparable.
For lack of anywhere to sit, Vash settles down right there on the ground, though he keeps a healthy distance from the deceased creature, and pats the space beside him for the other man to join him. This feels like the sort of conversation that's easier to have like this. Over drinks and maybe lunch would've been preferable, but you make do with the hand you're dealt.]
Do you remember how I told you, earlier, that humans on my planet depended on the Plants to survive, and how it wasn't really their fault?
[He looks down at his arm, tracing one of the mechanical lines that run down its length from wrist to elbow.]
...I have a brother. The only other Independent Plant, like me. He sabotaged our fleet's navigation systems, meaning for all the ships carrying humans to die, leaving only the Plants...and he used the access code I got for him, so we could snoop around some old records, learn more about what we were. It's because of us that humans grew more and more dependent on us for survival, stranded on a planet that wasn't meant to support them.
[He looks up at Newt, at last, and perhaps for the first time, he looks old. The smile is back, but it's distant, hollowed-out. Tired. It's more than he's ever told anyone--even Luida and Brad only know as much as they know because of the recovered recordings they salvaged from Rem's ship. But it feels important, all at once, for the man to know this about him. Not the full story, exactly, but that he's not innocent of wrongdoing, not in some lofty position to judge him.]
I can't ever make up for what we did, either. But we're still here, and it doesn't change anything about what we're doing now. I'd still say what I've said about you, because having gotten people hurt doesn't change that you're enthusiastic and passionate and kind, that you don't let fear chase you away from doing what you think is right, that you can still have compassion for even creatures that aimed to destroy everything and everyone you loved, and almost succeeded.
[A careful breath; his smile warms just a little, a ray or two of sunshine peeking back out from behind the stormclouds.]
All I know now that I didn't know before is that even after making those mistakes, you still want to do better. Why would that make me want to take anything back?
no subject
The smile is like looking into a funhouse mirror at your own distorted reflection. Vash's own expression fades as he looks at it, suddenly understanding a little too well for comfort. The words only exacerbate that feeling of near deja vu.
It doesn't change that I've caused a lot to happen just by existing. How many times has he thought about whether things might have been different if he and Nai hadn't been what they were? Rem believed that they might have come into this world to serve as the bridge between their species, and yet it was that very bridge upon which Nai kept coming after them, time after time. That bridge had become their ruin, the day they learned about Tesla. Vash has never been able to convince Nai to forgive humanity, and there are days he lays awake haunted by having given him the keys to their destruction way back then, when they had been two halves of a whole, inseparable.
For lack of anywhere to sit, Vash settles down right there on the ground, though he keeps a healthy distance from the deceased creature, and pats the space beside him for the other man to join him. This feels like the sort of conversation that's easier to have like this. Over drinks and maybe lunch would've been preferable, but you make do with the hand you're dealt.]
Do you remember how I told you, earlier, that humans on my planet depended on the Plants to survive, and how it wasn't really their fault?
[He looks down at his arm, tracing one of the mechanical lines that run down its length from wrist to elbow.]
...I have a brother. The only other Independent Plant, like me. He sabotaged our fleet's navigation systems, meaning for all the ships carrying humans to die, leaving only the Plants...and he used the access code I got for him, so we could snoop around some old records, learn more about what we were. It's because of us that humans grew more and more dependent on us for survival, stranded on a planet that wasn't meant to support them.
[He looks up at Newt, at last, and perhaps for the first time, he looks old. The smile is back, but it's distant, hollowed-out. Tired. It's more than he's ever told anyone--even Luida and Brad only know as much as they know because of the recovered recordings they salvaged from Rem's ship. But it feels important, all at once, for the man to know this about him. Not the full story, exactly, but that he's not innocent of wrongdoing, not in some lofty position to judge him.]
I can't ever make up for what we did, either. But we're still here, and it doesn't change anything about what we're doing now. I'd still say what I've said about you, because having gotten people hurt doesn't change that you're enthusiastic and passionate and kind, that you don't let fear chase you away from doing what you think is right, that you can still have compassion for even creatures that aimed to destroy everything and everyone you loved, and almost succeeded.
[A careful breath; his smile warms just a little, a ray or two of sunshine peeking back out from behind the stormclouds.]
All I know now that I didn't know before is that even after making those mistakes, you still want to do better. Why would that make me want to take anything back?