[ It had felt as painful, as distinctive, as the loss of a limb — and she's heard those sorts of horror stories, about mages who are essentially cut off from being able to channel because of damage to their hands, irreparable wounds that no amount of chaos can repair. It is no wonder, then, that some of them simply choose to end their own lives rather than exist in a world where the magic is right there, just out of reach, but there is no route available to reach for it.
Being without it had been akin to looking at the world through a muted lens — sights, sounds, tastes all dulled in her awareness. She had been incapable of as little as siphoning life into the tiniest flower, something that even a mere novice with the smallest potential for chaos would have been able to achieve.
That mission she'd been without it had only been a fraction of that loss — she'd felt the magic at her fingertips, but even then, she hadn't been allowed to access it. After Sodden, she hadn't felt it at all.
Then again, that mission had brought her into the path of someone unexpected, someone who stands before her now, and Yennefer blinks, returning to more of herself, as the memory starts to flicker and fade around them. ]
... yes. [ The chaos is there, truly, if she reaches for it; she can feel it just there, pulling her back to the present, back to the truth of her existence. Back to where they really stand, on the station, rather than on the scorched hills of that battlefield. But she rises to her feet and only just barely avoids a stumble, stretching out a hand to steady herself as she grips tight onto his arm. ]
I haven't thought about that night so vividly in... some time.
cw: mentions of suicide, depression
Being without it had been akin to looking at the world through a muted lens — sights, sounds, tastes all dulled in her awareness. She had been incapable of as little as siphoning life into the tiniest flower, something that even a mere novice with the smallest potential for chaos would have been able to achieve.
That mission she'd been without it had only been a fraction of that loss — she'd felt the magic at her fingertips, but even then, she hadn't been allowed to access it. After Sodden, she hadn't felt it at all.
Then again, that mission had brought her into the path of someone unexpected, someone who stands before her now, and Yennefer blinks, returning to more of herself, as the memory starts to flicker and fade around them. ]
... yes. [ The chaos is there, truly, if she reaches for it; she can feel it just there, pulling her back to the present, back to the truth of her existence. Back to where they really stand, on the station, rather than on the scorched hills of that battlefield. But she rises to her feet and only just barely avoids a stumble, stretching out a hand to steady herself as she grips tight onto his arm. ]
I haven't thought about that night so vividly in... some time.