[ oh. he thinks she had been deliberately drawing that comparison. as she stews in that thought, the more she's incapable of denying her own projection. her own self-hatred, directed outward and put on display, like an exhibition to gawk at again. ]
It's more complicated than that.
[ relating kirigan to a savior fills her throat with fresh bile, a nauseated churn she can scarcely swallow down. he'd prefer to think so. would paint himself the saint, if ravka allowed him to don that mantle, to parade his martyrdom as a legend.
the only myth he's left behind is one of fear. of loathing. but for a time, she had been fooled into believing in the narrative he'd been so desperate to spin. frown lines deepen the corners of her mouth, something shamed and ripe with loathing in the dip of her eyes. they rest upon her fingers, unwilling to meet his eyes.
a naive girl can be excused for falling into a trap. a woman who had known what he was, and allowed herself to be snared over and over again before breaking free, deserves far less pity. ]
He's the reason I'm —
[ no. she severs the sentence before it finds a conclusion, teeth digging into the tip of her tongue. he deserves no credit for who she's become, now. ]
He taught me the value of keeping my secrets close. It's taken time to unlearn that not everyone has an agenda or use in mind for me.
[ she pauses only haltingly, plucking at the sleeves of his hoodie. ]
I'm not haughty, [ she finally continues, a little more harshly than she'd intended. ] I'm just ... careful. I don't ever want to be that blind, pathetic girl again.
no subject
It's more complicated than that.
[ relating kirigan to a savior fills her throat with fresh bile, a nauseated churn she can scarcely swallow down. he'd prefer to think so. would paint himself the saint, if ravka allowed him to don that mantle, to parade his martyrdom as a legend.
the only myth he's left behind is one of fear. of loathing. but for a time, she had been fooled into believing in the narrative he'd been so desperate to spin. frown lines deepen the corners of her mouth, something shamed and ripe with loathing in the dip of her eyes. they rest upon her fingers, unwilling to meet his eyes.
a naive girl can be excused for falling into a trap. a woman who had known what he was, and allowed herself to be snared over and over again before breaking free, deserves far less pity. ]
He's the reason I'm —
[ no. she severs the sentence before it finds a conclusion, teeth digging into the tip of her tongue. he deserves no credit for who she's become, now. ]
He taught me the value of keeping my secrets close. It's taken time to unlearn that not everyone has an agenda or use in mind for me.
[ she pauses only haltingly, plucking at the sleeves of his hoodie. ]
I'm not haughty, [ she finally continues, a little more harshly than she'd intended. ] I'm just ... careful. I don't ever want to be that blind, pathetic girl again.