ximilialog | dis(arm)ament

Entry tags:

dis(arm)ament

CHARACTERS: Yzak and you!
LOCATION: Various.
DATE: Also various, post-mission.
CONTENT: SOMEONE made a(nother) deal with an orb. Now he's dealing with that.
WARNINGS: Mention of limb loss but we ain't getting too descriptive with it.

#0: Another Dash of Flavor | (not a prompt)

[ So that return to the station, huh?

One moment on Xrisora, Yzak is reaching for the orb, and the next they're back on the station, him on the ground, minus an arm (and more, but that isn't physically notable - if your character can sense that sort of thing, though, he was also minus roughly half of his own lifespan, however that would be picked up by anybody). Though even amongst the chaos and the blood from having a limb torn from him, said limb isn't ... there. But boy, that orb is sure glowing, isn't it? Ha ha! It's not hard to figure out what happened from Degar's words about share of bargains and bad ideas, but that's not the only way to infer what went down. Asking Sabriel or Peter about it will net someone an answer as they were aware of his plans, as well as Soldier Blue - who is also a visual answer as to why it happened, as he doesn't appear to be at death's door anymore. Still thin and frail, but upright, alert, and with a life in his eyes that he hadn't had before.

Yzak made a deal with one of the orbs. One independent of his reason for coming here to undo a regret.

And this was the cost for it. ]

#1: I Lived Bitch | (infirmary ; ota)

[ Losing an arm and a chunk of one's life takes a lot even out of a Coordinator as impressive as Yzak would surely boast that he is. So he's out of commission for the the first couple of days after their return, the Ximilia just a tad more quiet than it usually is. But stubborn as he is right down to the core of his soul, he does not let unconsciousness hold him for long.

He's alert after he wakes, though a little woozy from the energy drained from him on top of the painkillers (which may loosen his tongue some, but would anybody really take advantage of that right now? (please take advantage of that right now)). He's otherwise being a good patient, sticking to bed to rest even though he can walk just fine and will as soon as he starts to feel good enough to, thank you very much.

But in the meantime, drop by and say hi! Lavish him with get well gifts and attention! He's not averse to speaking of what went down, and surely some people are curious as to what the hell happened back there. ]

#2: Adapt | (various places, will note ; ota)

[ As established, Yzak can walk just fine. So when he actually is feeling up to it, he'll jump at the first opportunity as being stuck in one place with little to do for so long is maddening to him. Still, he's stubborn but not stupid, and isn't planning to overdo it because he'd rather move forward than backwards and wind up back in the infirmary.

Especially because the path ahead of him is a long, daunting one.

Healing aside, which itself is going to take a bit of time, it's the adjustment that's going to be a challenge. But Yzak is determined, regardless of whatever path lies ahead of him, so his eyes stay forward because he still has so much to do; that hasn't changed. ]

A. [ In the training room, he can be found focusing on his posture and balance. His movement is a bit stiff both from lack of mobility lately as well as care to not overdo it but still at least get a feel for what he can work on as time goes on. So he keeps it simple for now, small obstacles and the feel of weapons in his hand. First is a knife, which he turns as he rotates his wrist, seeming pleased with it. It's when Yzak gets to picking up his pistol that he makes a low, thoughtful sound. ]

I've got to figure out an efficient way to reload this thing...

B. [ In the kitchen is where some classic Yzak frustration comes out. Used to the speed at which he can usually do things, he ... can't! Not immediately, anyway, because he's used to two hands either doing two different things at once or quickly getting something aside for later. Now? He's got to take it slow or else he's going to overwhelm himself. And one thing Yzak hates is to feel like he's being too slow at something. ]

Aaaaaugh!

[ A clang can be heard by any passers-by. If inspected, thankfully there is no mess and nothing is on fire, but Yzak does look quite frazzled. ]

C. [ Within this new busy schedule of his, there are pockets of chill and rest. Sometimes in the sunlight room because after a whole mission under water, even artificial light is a welcome feeling, and it's relaxing on his injury. Sometimes he's reading, and sometimes he's nodded off in the sunlight like a cat, because he is still recovering.

And sometimes he's in his usual place of the hallways, sitting on the sill of one of the windows and looking out at the faint glimmers of light that the distant stars give off. ]

#3: Wildcard & OOC | (current and new cr welcome)

Feel free to tweak any prompt and I'll roll with whatever! Or just wildcard me, baby, I'm here for it. If we've already got a thread going, I'm more than happy to double up if you wanna tag here too! Poke me at gaignun, Tara#1768 or PM me here if you have any questions/want to kick around ideas if nothing stands out! The inbox is always open, too. ♥

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[from the moment Yzak is conveyed to the infirmary to be treated and stabilized, Blue is seldom far from his side. even with the assurance that he is out of danger, knowing he went through the trauma of having lost an entire limb is hardly something to sigh in relief over! and it's quite frightening in those hours where his psionics go silent, leaving him to wonder in the world alone, without the assurance of Yzak's ambient, unconscious thoughts at-hand.

there's much to be said about having suddenly been freed from the yoke of a rapidly dying body, and it'll be spoken of elsewhere. for now, Blue can rely on these new resources to better keep watch over Yzak's dreams - to assure a wandering, dreaming mind that he and all the others are safe.

all the ones still here.

grief is Blue's closest companion in his brief vigil, because Finn's disappearance has torn up Blue's heart in a way very difficult to describe. no others were as close to him in such a natural way - a kinship that was not unlike finding another Mu in another world, where so much could be spoken and unspoken and altogether understood in a resonance no human alone could provide. Blue loved him so dearly, loves him still in his loss...and quietly weeps alone knowing their bond was now half-forgotten.

he wouldn't be able to stand it, were he to look away too long and find Yzak gone, too; it would be quite in line with the quixotic way the orbs worked their deals, wouldn't it? but even with this new vitality, he's certain he wouldn't survive it. not the both of them all at once!

there may be a bit of hazy deja vu in those periodic moments of lucidity, when Yzak can breech the surface of a painkiller-fueled rest and see his lover sitting beside him with a sad but serene and loving smile on his face, eyes bright and wet, pallor healthier than it had been in a long time. Blue will answer whatever nonsense spills out of his addled mind, kiss him and assure him to rest, and still be there when his body finally decides it's time to properly wake.]

[ Peter doesn't have to drop by the infirmary because he's been here since they came back to the station. He had only left Yzak's side to let those with medical knowledge tend to his wound, using the opportunity to shower and change his clothes quickly. They were stained with his friend's blood after the man made it to the station with one less arm, and Peter helped to urge him into the medical area.

He is both skittish but quiet as he waits for Yzak to come back to the world of the living, keeping Blue and other possible visitors company, but also leaving the room if the two loverbirds might need time alone.

Today, Peter is sprawled in a chair with one leg over the armrest, and his earphones on. As soon as Yzak rouses from sleep, and then looks adorably confused due to being drugged up to his gills, Peter turns his Zune off and his full attention to him. ]

Wakey wakey, sunshine. How you feeling? Says the word and we can get you more of the good drugs.

[ It is a lot like deja vu, the way where he catches glimpses of Blue's form sitting beside him. He can hardly really tell how he looks in those moments, whether or not it's real that he sits up straighter or that his face and hair look a little more lively, or if it's just Yzak dreaming it like he's so often done before. In those moments his mind fights, desperate to know, desperate to clear itself from this unstable consciousness and wake up because this isn't the time to be sleeping! Not when he needs to know if he's truly succeeded. He needs to know...

He needs to know...

But he won't know for a couple of days, because despite his mind's struggle, his body doesn't allow it. The times Blue is there to soothe him and kiss him help his body in that regard, easing his mind if only for those moments before sleep consumes him again.

When it is finally time for him to really wake up, he sees and feels everything just a little more clearly. He's not quite in pain because the painkillers are doing their job to numb it, yet he knows he's fucked up enough that he needs to be wary of it. But the lights above him now are clearer when he blinks his eyes open and gazes at the ceiling to focus them. The last times this happened still don't feel like they were real. But this time it does, so now he can know. He turns his head to Blue, his form coming into better focus. ]

Blue...

[ He's still a little loopy, but clearly awake now. And as his mental focus returns, it's all on him, taking every little detail of him in, looking for his answer. ]

[ Drugged up to the gills but thank goodness they're not literal gills anymore. Being in this sort of state and in a form not truly his would have been that much more difficult to deal with.

How are you feeling, Peter asks? The low groan that Yzak lets out is answer enough to that. He's groggy, confused, still recovering and thankfully numbed to the pain right now, but clearly angry about all of these facts. Because they're all things stopping him from just hopping out of bed that he usually opts to upon waking.

He brings a hand - his only hand, now, huh, up to his head, shutting his eyes as he pulls in a slow breath, answering as he lets it back out. ]

I think I'm fine on that for now... [ For now. He'll see how these next few hours go.

He cracks open a blue eye that meets Peter's gaze. ]

Hello, Peter.

Hello, dear.

[Blue scoots in as Yzak's focus sharpens, and he brings a hand and sweeps some of Yzak's bangs from his face.]

You're in the infirmary. Back on the station. You're out of danger... Everyone is.

[ Danger. But there was no immediate danger when they were leaving Xrisora. Only... ]

The orb—

[ He chokes it out, those final moments coming back to him clearly. Xephia holding out the 'wishing pearl' after all was said and done, Yzak reaching for it, feeling himself physically be drawn back to the station while his mind reached out elsewhere.

It's as if Blue's touch activates him. He bends his knees, pushing against the mattress with his heels to slide himself upward to sit up. His left hand braces him as he does so and he automatically assumes his right does - but then he groggily looks to his right, sees the sleeve of his infirmary gown droop, empty. ]

What happened, [ He breathes out, head turning back to Blue as those memories between their exit and return to the station flood in, his mind racing. He remembers what he asked, he remembers what he gave, even if in his hazy half-panic it's not fully, really set in yet. ] did it work?

[Yzak only gets so far with that effort alone, as Blue gets up to ensure Yzak's not trying to escape, but helping him situate.

he'd tell him to calm down, but knows that's not an option; the best thing to do is to give him the information he needs to calm down.]

It took your arm, Yzak. That's why-- [that's why he's here.

he sits back down once he's let Yzak go and scooted his chair in.]

Yes, Yzak. It's done. I told you: No one is in danger. I'm not in danger. Not anymore.

Ey, take it easy, Yzak.

[ Peter sits properly, reaching out to place a hand on Yzak's left shoulder and give him a squeeze. He's trying to sound comforting, but there's a badly hidden concern in his voice. They both knew that repercussions were inevitable when dealing with the orbs, but that didn't make the situation any easier to handle. ]

Hi. Are you feeling dizzy? You lost a lot of blood. Most of it has been replaced, but you'll still have to rebuild your blood supply by drinking a lot of water and eating meat.[ He drops his hand to the matress, taking a deep breath and waiting for Yzak's reaction before mentioning the elephant in the room. ] So you did it. The deal.

[ That's why...

That's right. That's why he's here. Why he's the only one here.

But his arm, funny enough, is not the immediate thing on his mind. Not when he's still alive in the end. He's alive and Blue is here and he's telling him... ]

It worked...? [ His hand comes up, first bracing on his shoulder as he half twists himself to face him. After that, it moves up to Blue's face, fingertips tracing over the skin of his still-hollow cheek, as if he can't believe it. Desperation that's weighed on him for so very long is clear even in those foggy eyes. Questions spill from his lips before his mind can even vet them. ]

You're not going to die? I'm not going to lose you...? Again?

[ And those questions, too, are heavy with that tone that almost doesn't want to believe that he did it, that he actually succeeded. Actually gets to keep this happiness...?]

[Blue's expression grows more fraught with an impulse to try and keep a level countenance - old leaders' impulses, contrary to his natural wont to emote freely. to that end, his eyes do well up at the earnest, addled questions, and he sets his hand atop the one on his cheek.]

No. I'm not sick anymore. By all accounts, I'm...maybe fifty years younger than I was.

You did what you meant to do, Yzak. Precisely.

[ That hand ... slender fingers comforting and familiar, as if they were made for him and only him in how perfect they feel regardless of if they're in his hair, lacing their fingers together or hooking around his arm to stay close. But when he feels it now, there's a new warmth there, no longer the chill of deterioration that's always been present. He feels it immediately, another form of proof that this is real.

His heart is pounding as fast as his head is spinning while it wraps around this. He did it.

He did it.

He stares into Blue's eyes as they well up, seeing both his own reflection as well as the clarity they hold. No exhaustion, no window into a very tired, constantly pained soul. There's a moment Yzak forgets to breathe. And then he moves (... moves as best he can move like this), that hand slips down his face, around his neck, both to pull him close and to let himself slump against him. The breath he lets out sounds like something between a laugh and and sob, relief such as this so rare to him that he hardly knows how to handle it. ]

Thank goodness... [ He whispers, voice horse and tight, his own eyes stinging. ]

[Blue embraces the relief as though it were his own (in ways, it is), and he slips out of his seat to settle on the edge of the bed and allow himself be drawn in. he in turn wraps his arms around Yzak - slender but strong, secure, and stable. perhaps that would be more proof to the reality than his own words.

it's in this way he remains for as long as Yzak needs to exhaust all those swirling feelings, happy to just cradle him there and kiss at his temple, murmur little affirmatives and assurances in a way not unlike Yzak would've had to do any time Blue needed those reality checks - to confirm he wasn't just dreaming.]

I'm...

[ Honestly, he knows he isn't okay and these painkillers are the only thing keeping him from wanting to force himself into unconsciousness to escape the pain. They're doing their job for sure.

And though he's not okay in that manner of speaking, he's still alive. And that's honestly all he could ask for here, because it's what he wanted out of this when it could have gone so much worse. The pain he'll feel once these drugs wear off will be nothing compared to these last few months of anticipating and constantly thinking about the sort of pain he'd be feeling had this failed.

He did tell Peter it would be worth it. And it is. It will be. Even if he might be a little optimistic about recovery right now since he's pretty numbed up. But he'll deal with that later. ]

That's right. [ He swallows, throat dry, and then squirms some, pushing himself to half sit up by scooting with his legs and bracing himself with his hand. ] I did it.

I did it. [ He has to say it twice, as if he needs that extra bit of assurance. ] He's okay. [ Blue is okay and they're both still alive. That sword that's been hanging over his head, that clock that's been ticking down in his ears, they're both gone now. ]

[ He'll probably have to reconcile with a lot of these feelings again later - not that he won't remember this, he's a big-brained Coordinator! Of course he'll remember this! But the dull numbing of the painkillers blurring up his mind doesn't allow him to properly feel free. Free from that clock that's been ticking down in his mind, mocking him, haunting him. Free from the impending sword drop that's already happened once before and showed him just how deeply it was going to cut him when it fell the next time and stuck. Even this light he feels inside his heart, it's fuzzy, but it's so bright, the shadows shrunk away and easily ignorable.

He'll get to experience these wonderful feelings again later, when he's more alert. What a treat. ]

I'm glad - I'm so glad it worked... [ The stability of Blue's arms remind him that he needs no apprehension to keep his weight against him as he has it; always having been so mindful about the other's physical state. It feels off - of course it feels off, because he's only embracing Blue one-armed, but that hand around his back fists into the fabric of his cape, strong as ever. ]

[it is satisfying to be able to shoulder the weight of Yzak's relief and form both at once, as opposed to just one or the other. he lets a few errant tears fall uncontested, hanging onto this bit of happiness for all it's worth even while grief looms in the wings.]

Rest a little longer, my Yzak. I'll still be here. You've made certain of that.

[ He'll still be here. Sentiments of that sort have always been shared between them in the past, and they said them anyway - intending to keep those promises as best they could even though they both knew it was never an assured thing.

Now, though ... hearing that hits so different.

He swallows, shaking his head. ] No. It's fine. I don't need to.

[ His hand's grip loosens only a little, his head lifting back up to look at Blue again. He wouldn't dare let himself slip back into a slumber when he's finally climbed out of it. When there's so much to know and catch up on. When being awake means ... this; getting to stare into those ruby eyes, feel these arms around him and hear his voice. ]

How long have we been back?

[catching the intention, Blue relaxes his hold so that Yzak can sit back and they can converse eye to eye. his pallor is better - and not the gaunt, starved angles that had come to define him in the past few months of his decline. of all the elder Mu, he always did look quite young.]

Nearing three days. Once you were stabilized from the shock, it seemed wisest to enforce a bit longer rest...given your nature. [of not wanting to be idle, even when idleness is necessary.]

Three days...

[ He repeats. Sure enough, he hears three days and the workaholic in him is appalled. Three whole days of being unconscious in bed doing nothing? He had to wait that long to see Blue like this? What has Blue been doing this whole time? Did he miss a 'Blue is better' party when the others got to see him like this?

But then he thinks back to E-23b, and how long Blue was out for. How much that had hurt for him ... maybe three days isn't so bad after all.

He does sit back, reluctant as he is to let go of Blue. Yzak even slides back down a little so he can properly rest his head back on the top of the pillow. He's clearly exhausted, still, even if his mind is buzzing with so many things at once. So many that he probably wouldn't fall back to sleep if he tried to. ]

My nature, huh. [ He's amused, even if it's not reflective in his expression. And then he adds, as if to be defiant: ] I could get up if I wanted to. [ If, he says. He makes no move nor has any intention to. ] Both of my legs are perfectly intact.

[ He says that, but then he pauses, looking like he second guesses what he just said, and glances down at the outline of his legs beneath the sheets as if to make perfectly sure that both are still there. He's numb and a little loopy right now, so he's gotta CHECK to make sure nothing else might be missing that he doesn't feel.

Phew. ]

[Blue's mouth quirks. even this medicated, Coordinator brains gonna Coordinator...]

I think...until the medicine's run its course, it is best for you to remain here. [how the turntables.] That shouldn't be too long.

[ How the turntables indeed. Yzak lets out a small breath of relief at his new revelation, and then moves his hand to hug at his right side, letting it rest just over his ribs but not close enough to where he'll irritate his injured area. On the subject of shock and stabilization... of needing to remain here to rest... ]

It better not be. [ That almost sounds like a warning to his own body.

(because it is)

He stares for a long moment where his hand lands, really focusing on his right side now. The weight of the bandages set over his injury are suddenly that much more noticeable, their thickness concealing the fresh, healing wound underneath, but Yzak can still tell that it hadn't just taken part of the arm. He can feel the entire thing missing. It's a lot to take in now. It's going to be a lot to take in later. ]

It was probably pretty bad when we got back. Right?

[Blue hesitates to answer. he's only somewhat cognizant of what Yzak would categorize as "pretty bad," but he's certain he means to ask from Blue's own perspective.]

There was...a lot of blood. [naturally: plenty of life-sustaining veins just got severed.] But...you were the only injury. Plenty could scramble to help. [insert nebulous cast of helpers here.]

I don't remember. [ Any of it. Perhaps if he racks his brain hard enough, he'll at most recall a vague, unintelligible mix of drowned out voices before unconsciousness claimed him.

Maybe it's a good thing he doesn't recall that aftermath, though. ] Only taking the orb from Xephia, and then...

[ What happened after that he does recall. Speaking to the orb, coming to an agreement, the pain in his arm right before it was taken from him. And then that odd, draining feeling of... ]

It took more than my arm. [ He states after that, recalling what Blue said moments ago. ] You said, you feel at most decades younger than you did, right?

[ For obvious reasons, Drift doesn't make regular appearances in the kitchen. Today was purely coincidental that he was there checking to make sure no one mistakenly stocked the fridge with Energon (again) when he heard a frustrated shout. When he poked his head around the corner, whatever had clattered to the floor was a dull echo ringing in his ears. ]

Are you alright?

[traumatic moments tend to pick one side: to be so glaringly intense as to disrupt the fabric of life moving forward, or to be so intense as to force a mind to reel and push it well aside for the safety of the soul. there's levels of in-between, but that's on how high a pendulum swinging can reach in any individual's being.

that said, Blue isn't surprised at all that, between the intensity and the medicine, Yzak's full recollection is hazy. that's by design, and he'll not interfere with it.

rather, he's focused on the topic at-hand.]

That's right. I was examined, and the organ failure... It's as though it never began.

I'm fine!

[ The frustrated response comes quickly, defensively, as Yzak spins around to face whoever's addressing him. ]

—Drift. [ A beat, an exhale, but that only drains so much of his current tension. Still, when he repeats I'm fine, it's a little less aggressive than the first retort.

He speaks nothing of his current state or condition - it's known by now among the crew what happened to Yzak between recovering the orb and returning to the station. ]

I just - grabbed for something too fast. That's all! [ And by "too fast," he means he moved to reach with an arm that wasn't there out of reflex, half lost his balance and quickly moved his left hand to brace the edge of the counter, smacking one of the pots that hasn't yet been used. ]

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dis(arm)ament

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2b (or not 2b)

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