Sam looks like he's going to cry, and all Bucky can think is that it's his fault. That he's to blame for that look on his face. For being the one to cause the other man pain. It's the absolute last thing he wants to do, and it takes all he has to keep himself from making a retreat. From getting out of there before he makes things any worse.
But then the hug comes and Bucky--
For the longest time, he doesn't move. Doesn't breathe. Can't. Its been a long time since anybody sought him out for any kind of comfort. A long time since he was offered up anything more than a squeezed shoulder or a pat on the back. And he has no idea what to do with it. How to respond.
How to make it clear that his lack of a response isn't a rejection. Not when that's the complete opposite of what he wants right now.
It isn't until Sam speaks again that Bucky finally takes a shuddering breath. That his arms move to grab ahold of the other man in turn. His hands end up twisted in the back of Sam's shirt, just shy of tearing the fabric with the roughness of that grip.
The offer is too much. More than he deserves. (Everything he wants.) Sam is too good of a person to allow a person like him in to his life like that. Those visits to Delacroix, the time he spent around Sarah and the boys. After everything Bucky has put Sam through, he should have turned him away a long time ago. And yet for some, crazy reason, he never did. He even welcomed Bucky into his life.
And now-]
Take it back.
[The offer. Sam needs to take it back before Bucky accepts it. Needs to retract the promise of a future for him in Delacroix, of a place to finally start building a life for himself, because Bucky knows he doesn't deserve it. How could he, when all he's done is hurt those around him? There's a reason he was brought to this station, and it doesn't end with the two of them heading back together.]
You've gotta take it back, Sam. Please.
[His voice is quiet, barely more than a whisper. Muffled slightly by the way he's given in to press his forehead to Sam's shoulder. By the way he's finally giving up the fight and sinking in to the hug.]
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Sam looks like he's going to cry, and all Bucky can think is that it's his fault. That he's to blame for that look on his face. For being the one to cause the other man pain. It's the absolute last thing he wants to do, and it takes all he has to keep himself from making a retreat. From getting out of there before he makes things any worse.
But then the hug comes and Bucky--
For the longest time, he doesn't move. Doesn't breathe. Can't. Its been a long time since anybody sought him out for any kind of comfort. A long time since he was offered up anything more than a squeezed shoulder or a pat on the back. And he has no idea what to do with it. How to respond.
How to make it clear that his lack of a response isn't a rejection. Not when that's the complete opposite of what he wants right now.
It isn't until Sam speaks again that Bucky finally takes a shuddering breath. That his arms move to grab ahold of the other man in turn. His hands end up twisted in the back of Sam's shirt, just shy of tearing the fabric with the roughness of that grip.
The offer is too much. More than he deserves. (Everything he wants.) Sam is too good of a person to allow a person like him in to his life like that. Those visits to Delacroix, the time he spent around Sarah and the boys. After everything Bucky has put Sam through, he should have turned him away a long time ago. And yet for some, crazy reason, he never did. He even welcomed Bucky into his life.
And now-]
Take it back.
[The offer. Sam needs to take it back before Bucky accepts it. Needs to retract the promise of a future for him in Delacroix, of a place to finally start building a life for himself, because Bucky knows he doesn't deserve it. How could he, when all he's done is hurt those around him? There's a reason he was brought to this station, and it doesn't end with the two of them heading back together.]
You've gotta take it back, Sam. Please.
[His voice is quiet, barely more than a whisper. Muffled slightly by the way he's given in to press his forehead to Sam's shoulder. By the way he's finally giving up the fight and sinking in to the hug.]