[He should have seen it coming, right? That Clara would so easily accept him back, allow him to be cared about like this after everything that's happened. But his hands are the ones that hurt her, right? He'd broken her arm, he'd betrayed her and Peter, and he'd stabbed the Doctor, and he could've killed Kovacs and so many other people here she cares about. He still smells the smoke and blood.
Who is he to her, in the wake of all of that? Someone she loves? Why?
But he remembers the fragmented conversation on the earpiece. They still exist there, and he can look at them even now — glitching and difficult to read at first, but they're there, saddled up with Clara's kind words.
I don't want to add to your regrets but just know that I forgive you okay? I will always love you too, Newton Remember that no matter what happens, we're family. until the end
The relief at being himself again is almost too much, but Clara's immediate acceptance is like glass in his heart, sudden where they wedge into arteries. His face is buried, and he couldn't remember the last time he was able to do this, to accept someone else coming along and touching him without feeling sick. They almost ruined this for me, he thinks, his arms curling around her.]
I can't — [He trembles.] They won't let me cry — I can't.
[But the proof of their absence is undeniable, when tears begin seeping into Clara's clothes. It's a familiar moment, one they had enacted months ago, when the precursors had left him seizing on the floor just before Christmas. At least now... there's some finality to it, and despite feeling like he's not allowed to, he sobs in relief and remorse into the smaller body cradling his.]
no subject
Who is he to her, in the wake of all of that? Someone she loves? Why?
But he remembers the fragmented conversation on the earpiece. They still exist there, and he can look at them even now — glitching and difficult to read at first, but they're there, saddled up with Clara's kind words.
I don't want to add to your regrets
but just know that I forgive you
okay?
I will always love you too, Newton
Remember that no matter what happens, we're family.
until the end
The relief at being himself again is almost too much, but Clara's immediate acceptance is like glass in his heart, sudden where they wedge into arteries. His face is buried, and he couldn't remember the last time he was able to do this, to accept someone else coming along and touching him without feeling sick. They almost ruined this for me, he thinks, his arms curling around her.]
I can't — [He trembles.] They won't let me cry — I can't.
[But the proof of their absence is undeniable, when tears begin seeping into Clara's clothes. It's a familiar moment, one they had enacted months ago, when the precursors had left him seizing on the floor just before Christmas. At least now... there's some finality to it, and despite feeling like he's not allowed to, he sobs in relief and remorse into the smaller body cradling his.]
I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry —