[ that was the confirmation he needed. that one lapse told him what erik needed to know. he stills, turning to face sam. all the anger, the snark is immediately shed like a cloak. it's almost as though there's a completely different person standing in front of sam. ]

I'm ashamed of you.

[ flat, point-blank. ]

I'm ashamed that you have that regret and keep harping on about the context. I'm ashamed because you won't own up to it. I'm ashamed that you and Barnes have time to pick network fights and don't step forward with what brought you here. You just lick your wounds in private and hold each other's hands. Stop offering me your context, offer me your weakness. Show me that even with it, you can keep going. Show me you can say it.

I'm not ashamed of being a monster. Or a killer. I'm not ashamed of the lives I took or hurt. If I have to pay, I can pay. If I have to list the crimes, I can. I know what I did. Surviving's not an excuse. Heroism is not an excuse. Doing's what's right is not an excuse.

A hero killed my dad and left me for dead. Those are the heroes I know. The heroes who ran into black cities and never came back. So stop pinning me as the problem. I'm not in your way. And I'm not your black card when you have plenty of white friends to pat your fucking back for being a good man.