[His mannerisms suggest to her that he hadn't planned on telling her this. That he was just going to keep working toward a choice he had made himself, without talking to her about it. They're not a team any longer. It's not her place to ask it of him to talk to her about her choices. But she can't help but feel exactly the same as she had the day the Doctor extracted her from her fixed point ending.
It's not betrayal, but something uncertain as she finally understands the magnitude of what his feelings for her. Because of course he likely made this deal when they were still together. Back when they both were caught up in the fantasy of having and being something more than they had previously been. Back when all that mattered was one another, and hiding away from reality.
Reality has crashed down around them, and it's resting at their feet in jagged shards that threaten to cut them open. The emotions she's feeling now are at conflict within her. There's anger and denial at war with an overwhelming essence of love. He cared for her enough at one point to do this for her. He still cares enough about her to continue along that path, even now.
Tears fall well before words are able to be formed. The conflict of emotion plays out on her face, clear as ever for him to read.
The words that echo throughout their coming together play through her mind. I got you.
And like always, her eyes meet his as her lips part and she murmurs,]
I know.
[He always would have made that choice for her, because he's always got her back. He proved that on the last mission. The weight of his devotion toward her safety rests heavily on her shoulders, and she finds she isn't sure how to carry this particular weight.]
But the future isn't promised to anyone. Especially not for someone like me. I'll be dead and gone. But you -
[It's hard to fully form thoughts right now, her mind racing the way it is. But one thing is standing out with blaring alarms, alerting her to the fact it's the most pressing concern. His welfare in all this matters more than anything to her.]
no subject
It's not betrayal, but something uncertain as she finally understands the magnitude of what his feelings for her. Because of course he likely made this deal when they were still together. Back when they both were caught up in the fantasy of having and being something more than they had previously been. Back when all that mattered was one another, and hiding away from reality.
Reality has crashed down around them, and it's resting at their feet in jagged shards that threaten to cut them open. The emotions she's feeling now are at conflict within her. There's anger and denial at war with an overwhelming essence of love. He cared for her enough at one point to do this for her. He still cares enough about her to continue along that path, even now.
Tears fall well before words are able to be formed. The conflict of emotion plays out on her face, clear as ever for him to read.
The words that echo throughout their coming together play through her mind. I got you.
And like always, her eyes meet his as her lips part and she murmurs,]
I know.
[He always would have made that choice for her, because he's always got her back. He proved that on the last mission. The weight of his devotion toward her safety rests heavily on her shoulders, and she finds she isn't sure how to carry this particular weight.]
But the future isn't promised to anyone. Especially not for someone like me. I'll be dead and gone. But you -
[It's hard to fully form thoughts right now, her mind racing the way it is. But one thing is standing out with blaring alarms, alerting her to the fact it's the most pressing concern. His welfare in all this matters more than anything to her.]
What is it costing you to do this, Takeshi?