[ he'd wanted to change it, change what happened, change the fate of the envoys, of rei, of quell, but something in his gut tells him that it can't be undone, that he can't fix it cause it was never something he could prevent in the first place, that even if he tried to change it, it was always meant to end that way. he could go even further back too, to this very night, but what would he do? not shoot his father? not accept jaeger's office? then would would the alternative be?
in his mind, even with different choices, this is where he was always meant to end up. what would be the point of changing a regret if his fate is only going to always end up in the same place?
alina's right. no, he doesn't get to run from that. he had told the doctor the same thing. all the ash, all the blood, all the nightmares that haunt him every day, even when he's awake, they'll never stop.
find someone you can save, tak.
those words strike like electricity through his body, like a jolt to restart his heart, his eyes lifting to look at her as she grazes his cheek. her words take him to the memory of different fingers pressed to his skin, of different tears falling from pleading eyes. for a moment, all he can think of is clara sobbing in his arms, terrified of her fate, wanting to live and scared of the cost, and how he'd confronted viveca with the conviction to save her.
clara needs him right now. and he'd do anything to keep her safe.
he exhales a held breath, heavy in an exhausted sigh, and he nods slowly, eyes focusing back on alina. he brings his fingers over her hand, a silent appreciation for the reminder, for shaking him from the weight of his doubts. ]
I ... I have someone to save. [ his throat feels dry, scratched throughout, eyes red, but he feels the strength return to him. ] I need to live for her.
no subject
in his mind, even with different choices, this is where he was always meant to end up. what would be the point of changing a regret if his fate is only going to always end up in the same place?
alina's right. no, he doesn't get to run from that. he had told the doctor the same thing. all the ash, all the blood, all the nightmares that haunt him every day, even when he's awake, they'll never stop.
find someone you can save, tak.
those words strike like electricity through his body, like a jolt to restart his heart, his eyes lifting to look at her as she grazes his cheek. her words take him to the memory of different fingers pressed to his skin, of different tears falling from pleading eyes. for a moment, all he can think of is clara sobbing in his arms, terrified of her fate, wanting to live and scared of the cost, and how he'd confronted viveca with the conviction to save her.
clara needs him right now. and he'd do anything to keep her safe.
he exhales a held breath, heavy in an exhausted sigh, and he nods slowly, eyes focusing back on alina. he brings his fingers over her hand, a silent appreciation for the reminder, for shaking him from the weight of his doubts. ]
I ... I have someone to save. [ his throat feels dry, scratched throughout, eyes red, but he feels the strength return to him. ] I need to live for her.