[ kovacs momentarily thinks of his own record, of killing his father when he was twelve, of becoming a killer before he had even become a man, of adding on an endless count of bodies to his conscience thereafter. he isn't a good man, far from it, and though he'd tried to make a difference, to make things right when he had become an envoy under quell's teachings, it would never erase his past. it didn't even stop him from getting his hands dirty.
but he looks at the doctor, with guilt heavy on his shoulders, and in seeing this world clouded in war, it makes it all the more clear how endless the weight of that burden is, especially when the man before him still finds the strength to fight through it with a smile, with laughter and amazement in his encounters, all drenched with wonder and love for the things he's trying to salvage.
kovacs carries his guilt with a dread for his own life, in constant contemplation of erasing it away, while the doctor seeks a balance to right it all, seeks to preserve the beauty in it to make up for once taking it away — it's no wonder clara would do anything to save him; if kovacs had the chance, he'd do the same. ]
So you keep going.
[ turning on his heel, he steps up closer to him, his gaze softening. ]
Every day, I see ash like this. Like it's right there, like I can touch it, taste it, bitter in my mouth. Reliving their deaths, seeing the blood, seeing the fire. Every single day and I can't ... make it stop. And it's not gonna stop, not for me, not for you.
[ he can taste it even now, the ash of stronghold, the burning lives of the people he loved. quell's death, rei's death, everyone he lost that day, everyone he's been responsible for one way or another. ]
I got names too — Mamba Lev, One Hand Rending, the Icepick — all specially fitting for the killer, Takeshi Kovacs. But you have something I don't. You have the Doctor. Name like that, it's not perfect either. There's gonna be plenty you can't save, but there's gonna be countless more that you do. Because, like you said, that's the choice you made. To help people. [ he brings up his hand, clasping it on his shoulder. ] So you don't forget everything you see here. You use it. To fuel yourself towards who you choose to be. To keep going.
no subject
but he looks at the doctor, with guilt heavy on his shoulders, and in seeing this world clouded in war, it makes it all the more clear how endless the weight of that burden is, especially when the man before him still finds the strength to fight through it with a smile, with laughter and amazement in his encounters, all drenched with wonder and love for the things he's trying to salvage.
kovacs carries his guilt with a dread for his own life, in constant contemplation of erasing it away, while the doctor seeks a balance to right it all, seeks to preserve the beauty in it to make up for once taking it away — it's no wonder clara would do anything to save him; if kovacs had the chance, he'd do the same. ]
So you keep going.
[ turning on his heel, he steps up closer to him, his gaze softening. ]
Every day, I see ash like this. Like it's right there, like I can touch it, taste it, bitter in my mouth. Reliving their deaths, seeing the blood, seeing the fire. Every single day and I can't ... make it stop. And it's not gonna stop, not for me, not for you.
[ he can taste it even now, the ash of stronghold, the burning lives of the people he loved. quell's death, rei's death, everyone he lost that day, everyone he's been responsible for one way or another. ]
I got names too — Mamba Lev, One Hand Rending, the Icepick — all specially fitting for the killer, Takeshi Kovacs. But you have something I don't. You have the Doctor. Name like that, it's not perfect either. There's gonna be plenty you can't save, but there's gonna be countless more that you do. Because, like you said, that's the choice you made. To help people. [ he brings up his hand, clasping it on his shoulder. ] So you don't forget everything you see here. You use it. To fuel yourself towards who you choose to be. To keep going.